How to overcome infidelity with the help of a psychologist?

Infidelity is one of the most frequent reasons for consultation among people who decide to go to couples therapy with the help of a professional psychologist. Not surprisingly, infidelities are a relatively common occurrence among those who are in a relationship or married.

It is true that in most cases when the case of infidelity transcends and both people involved in the relationship are aware of what has happened, it usually results in a very hard emotional blow for those who feel ” deceived “. is triggered, or directly a rupture thereof. However, in many cases, the courting or marriage relationship can be mended if the right steps are taken, which always have to do with restoring the commitment someone broke.

In this article we will see how to overcome infidelity with the help of a psychologist through a process of couples therapy.

    How does a psychologist work to help overcome a relationship crisis due to infidelity?

    These are the main parts of the couples therapy intervention to support couples who have experienced infidelity, whatever its nature. Not all of them occur sequentially, but several are interspersed with each other.

    1. Initial assessment of the case and delineation of the infidelity problem

    First, it works by examining the perception that both people have of the infidelity case.

    At first, what it means for a person to break up from the engagement may not be, which is not to say that the infidelity did not happen.

    In this phase, we examine the attitude of the two people when they report the facts, evaluating aspects such as the degree of repentance, defensive behavior, the search for confrontation …

      2. Detection of infidelity triggers

      Although every relationship is a world and it is necessary to examine marriage or seduction issues on a case-by-case basis, it can be said that the main causes of infidelity are as follows (several can be present at the same time, interacting and mutually reinforcing):

      • Sexual dissatisfaction

      • Presence of antisocial personality traits in one or both members of the couple
      • Misunderstandings in setting limits, scope of engagement
      • Using the relationship for instrumental purposes to achieve something (courtship or marriage is not based on mutual love)
      • Using infidelity as revenge
      • Lack of time to be together

      Some of these causes and the facilitators of infidelity cases become so involved in the relationship that the only way out is a breakup., a particularly urgent solution when the termination of the commitment is a way of psychologically mistreating the other person or intervenes in a context of mistreatment. In such situations, no intervention is done by couple therapy.

      In any case, once the causes and triggers of infidelity are detected, we move on to the next steps of tailor-made couple therapy to meet the unmet needs of both parties, but always focusing on the part that has. been the most damaged and injured. .

      3. Create a context of dialogue in which no prejudice is harmed

      In couples therapy, it is very important to establish speech protocols that allow that both people can express themselves without being interrupted and without fear of being judged by the psychologist. The role of the professional in this part of the process is to facilitate dialogue and the mediator, but also to energize a flow of communication which must touch on all the relevant questions and ask key questions.

      In addition, in this aspect of couples therapy intervention, people are trained to regulate anger and establish constructive discussions in which they do not fight for the simple fact of fighting, but to seek possible solutions. .

        4. Support the unfaithful person in a process of self-knowledge

        The person who has been cheated needs to understand what infidelity has meant to them and what it will take for them to feel comfortable in the relationship again., love the other person. Therefore, you are offered help in expressing your feelings with words and structured explanations of how you experienced infidelity.

          5. Create a damage repair plan

          It is not enough to apologize, we must be interested in repairing this broken commitment with infidelity.

          Therefore, in therapy it is helped that the two people agree on a process of repairing and renewing the commitment, which must go through actions in which time and effort must be invested. These action-based goals are part of the goals you want to achieve with therapy and should include a set period of time to achieve them.

          6. Training in emotion management techniques

          Psychological intervention in cases of infidelity is also an opportunity to learn how to better manage emotions. This is part of both the goal of repairing the relationship damaged by infidelity and acting on the triggers for infidelity.

            7. Resolution and final support

            In the final phase, the couple is helped to recognize their progress and the two assess the current state of their relationship. If they both see that the infidelity crisis has been overcome, a period of support is offered to them to see if this improvement continues in the medium and long term.

            Are you looking for psychological help for couples?

            If your yard or marriage is going through difficult times and you are interested in having couples therapy services, please contact me.

            I am a psychologist specializing in the cognitive-behavioral model, and I work in accompaniment of people and groups in individualized sessions, for couples and for companies. You can count on my services in person during my consultation in Madrid or via the online video call mode.

            Bibliographical references

            • Atkins, DC; Baucom, DH; Jacobson, NS (2001). Understanding infidelity: is correlated in a national random sample. The Journal of Family Psychology, 15 (4): p. 735 – 749.
            • Díaz Morfa, J. (2003) Prevention of couple conflicts. Editorial Desclée de Brouwer, Collection Library of Psychology.
            • Frédéric, D .; Fales, M. (2014). Dissatisfaction with sexual infidelity versus emotional infidelity among gay, lesbian, bisexual and heterosexual adults. Archives of Sexual Behaviors, 45 (1): p. 175 – 191.
            • Haseli, A .; Shariati, M .; Nazari, AM; Keramat, A .; Emamian, MH (2019). Infidelity and its associated factors: a systematic review. The Journal of Sexual Medicine, 16 (8): p. 1155 – 1169.
            • Liu, C. (2000). A theory of conjugal sex life. Journal of Marriage and Family, 62 (2): p. 363 – 374.

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