How to stop thinking about someone, in 5 steps

It is very common that throughout our lives we meet directly or indirectly people who are able to capture our full attention.

There are human beings who just draw our thoughts to themEither by their own personality and their characteristics, or by the situations we have experienced with them. However, there are times when this poses a problem. At this point, how do you stop thinking about a person?

Related article: “Why Can’t I Stop Thinking About My Ex-Partner?”

Possible causes

Reasons we may want to stop thinking about someone they are very varied.

For example, we can try to leave behind intrusive and constant thoughts about an old relationship that jump into our consciousness all the time and without our being able to avoid it, or we can also try to avoid thinking of someone. with whom we will never have. the relationship we would like, or we may be trying to leave behind the sadness produced by someone’s death.

The human mind is so complex precisely because there is an endless number of experiences that can leave a mark on it, and this also goes for personal relationships.

Make those thoughts go away

No, dreaming about the same person several times does not mean that we have some internal conflict related to it. However, if when we are awake these thoughts related to someone who has been important in our life do not disappear and constantly enter our consciousness even though it causes us discomfort, yes we have a problem. One which can affect our ability to concentrate and which, if prolonged for a long time, can increase anxiety levels.

But … how to solve this problem? What to do to stop thinking about someone all the time, if precisely it seems to be something beyond our control? While it may not sound like it, there are strategies that, when implemented, can help us “break off” from this unconscious and boring habit.

The idea is to prevent our minds from getting trapped in the same kind of memories, to stop constantly spinning the same thing. Here are a number of strategies and guidelines for adopting healthier psychological habits.

1. “Don’t think about it” is an ineffective method

No matter how diverse our motivations are, the truth is, there is one method that just doesn’t work. And what’s more, it’s the easiest and most intuitive method, which we would all try to implement in case we don’t know anything about how intrusive thoughts work. This is the option of trying to intentionally suppress these thoughts, that is, to strive to make them go away.

Thought suppression is known to be a completely unproductive option. In fact, it will make us think more of that person. In this regard, the surveys of Daniel Wegner in which he asked a number of volunteers to think of a polar bear. Then, of course, they were asked to prevent this thought from happening again. The result was that all the participants started to think of something as unusual as polar bears much more than before.

So, trying to suppress these thoughts and memories on purpose not only doesn’t work, but it keeps us thinking about what we want to keep out of our minds, which makes us more stressed out. It’s a rebound effect in its own right: the simple fact of avoiding thinking about this person makes us continue to reproduce what we think about them.

2. Accept intrusive thoughts

One of the strategies to follow may be to practice accepting these thoughts, that is, not to struggle to make them disappear from consciousness. It is proven that people who follow these acceptance strategies have fewer problems than those who try to suppress these thoughts.

However, the benefits of this method have more to do with how we make these thoughts feel than how often they appear. Which means accepting memories and fantasies related to certain people does not prevent us from thinking about them in the short termBut it makes us less stressed about it.

3. Manage care

So we have one method that doesn’t work and another that partially works. But … What’s the best way to stop thinking about someone for good?

From what has been studied in this regard, the most effective way to get rid of intrusive thoughts is focus attention on a series of actions and thoughts that we can get lost in and which, of course, has nothing to do with that person we want to stop thinking about. Getting someone out of your head, then, has more to do with offering alternatives to those obsessive thoughts than trying to eliminate them.

4. fantasize about who shouldn’t

An example of the effectiveness of this strategy can be found in an experiment the results of which were published in 2008 in Evolution and Human Behavior. In this experiment, we wanted to explore the best alternatives to make people who were in a stable relationship stop fantasizing about someone they found attractive and who was outside the relationship.

To do this, the research team presented a series of images of attractive people to each of the participants in the experiment and asked them to choose the one they found most attractive. They were then made to imagine what it would be like to live in a series of situations with these people, as they were asked to explain in writing why they thought that person was attractive and to describe what they thought was the best. more attractive. go out with her.

Some volunteers were then asked to stop thinking about this person. Of course they didn’t get it: They couldn’t get the other person out of their mind and actually thought more of them than participants who weren’t asked to stop having these thoughts.

5. The solution to these fantasies

What has worked is to focus on the couple: think about it, why you are with them, and most importantly why you love them. Such thoughts, which have the ability to attract attention, were the reason participants could stop thinking about the other person. Outraged, the most effective thoughts to “capture” the attention of the volunteers were not those related to the sexual attraction of the couple, But those that had to do with the love he felt for her.

After practicing this strategy, the volunteers gradually forgot the details of people they couldn’t stop thinking about before.

You may want to read “Types of Love: What Types of Love Are There?”

Get someone out of their head

thereforeThe trick to stopping thinking about someone is to find something that is able to grab our attention naturally., Effortlessly, so that little by little the thoughts that we want to avoid become more blurred until they can constantly invade our consciousness.

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