When a relationship ends, it doesn’t always do so on good terms; in some cases it is necessary to know how to close cycles and to understand that it is time to move on.
The memories always stick, but the way we deal with the end of the relationship is what makes the difference between having a bad time for a long time and for no reason, or not having it. In this article let’s go over some tips for turning the page with your ex, And prevent the grieving process of the breakup from spiraling out of control. It is normal for us to be sad at first, but we should not allow the negative feeling to escalate and immobilize us.
What happens during a breakup?
To know how to turn the page with your ex, you need to understand what happens during a breakup. In such cases we stop receiving the gratification that being in a relationship with the other person meant to us, And it’s time to face the fact that the relationship has ended.
During this process, it is normal to present intense states of anxiety, denial, anger or frustration, among other negative feelings that only harm us and prevent us from having an adequate quality of life. (at least while we go through the process of mourning by breaking up).
Falling in love is, apart from a feeling, an organic process that takes place thanks to the secretion of certain substances by our brain (the hormones of happiness). When a courtly relationship ends and one of the parties is still in love, an abrupt cessation of production of these substances occurs. This situation makes it easier for the subject to begin look for ways to regain the pleasant feeling that it brought him to be with the other person, And often try irrationally, regardless of the negative consequences of their actions.
How to turn the page with your ex?
In the following lines, we will list a number of tips on how we can move on and properly overcome the fact that we have ended a courtly relationship.
1. Focus on the facts, not the desires
To begin with, we have to keep in mind that our desires for this person are intense, which prevents us from seeing the reality of things as they actually happen. What is recommended is take into account the facts of the relationship, rather than our personal desires.
If you are able to evaluate things objectively and logically, you will be able to realize that things have turned out in a way that you were not evaluating, and which are better to face. to the facts by accepting that there are things we cannot change because they are the personal decisions of the other person.
2. Close cycles with this person
We must not go through life leaving cycles open, we can only prolong a state of suffering, which does not need to be so prolonged. Outraged, eventually we will have to face the situations that we leave unfinished for life.
The right way to close the cycles is to express whatever we wear inside; our feelings, our deaths, and in general, our reflection on the situation: in this case, the breakup that we are going through. Ideally, we should do this catharsis with the people involved in our process (ex-partner)..
3. Boost your assertiveness skills
When you talk to your partner to let them know how you are feeling, try to assert yourself or assert yourself with your wordsIn other words, express how you feel without disrespecting him.
Although you might suspect that some of the things you are going to say may hurt you, in assertive communication there is nothing left in the inkwell if it is considered relevant and meaningful to what you want to express, yes, taking care of things. means and trying not to hurt for free.
Avoid any conflict with this person. All you have to do is tell her how you feel about the breakup without trying to change his decision. Ideally, you accept that it’s all over and say goodbye with your forehead raised.
4. Work on aspects of your personal life
Once you’ve spoken to your ex to share your thoughts, it’s time to move on and reinvent yourself in a healthy way. At first it might seem a little hard to take, but as the days go by you will see how things develop and you manage to regain emotional stability.
Self-assess yourself and find out where you can improve, Make a list, and then look for activities that can help improve your lifestyle. For example, start new healthy routines.
5. Talk to friends
Don’t be afraid to tell your friends about the topic. Being vulnerable around them won’t make you look weak; in fact, people who are able to share their difficult experiences give the impression of being confident. In addition, your friends can give you support and some advice.
6. Avoid isolation
Don’t let the situation completely isolate you from the world. It is reasonable that you want to be alone or alone for a while to get your thoughts in order.But after a few days, you need to go back to popular places and socialize with other people who aren’t necessarily your closest friends.
7. Avoid dating other people out of spite
Suddenly wanting to replace your ex with someone else will only plunge you deeper into a dysfunctional relationship dynamic. It is best to give yourself time to properly overcome the break-up you have just experienced.; if all goes well, in a few weeks you will be able to have dates without major issues, but not until you have gone through the overtaking process.
8. Apply new sources of gratification to your daily life
Instead of trying to suppress negative emotions (i.e. those that hurt), the best is to direct your attention to activities that have the capacity to capture your mind and be stimulating. From these types of experiences it is easier to extract a new lifestyle that allows us to turn the page and “stick” to reality and its possibilities.
- Kübler-Ross, E. (2006) On Grief and Pain. Edicions Empúries. Barcelona.
- Lopez-Cantero, E. (2018). The Breakup Check: Exploring Romantic Love Through Relationship Breakups. Philosophia (Ramat Gan), 46 (3): pages 689-703.
- Sternberg, R. (2004). A triangular theory of love. A Reis, HT; Rusbult, CE Close relationship. New York: Psychology Press.
- Verhallen, AM et. at. (2019). Breaking up the romantic relationship: an experimental model to study the effects of stress on symptoms of depression. PLoS One, 14 (5): e0217320.