I have a girlfriend but I love someone else: 5 tips for what to do

Relationships are a complex and deep type of bond and a great source of stimulation. There are conflicts, pitfalls and difficulties, but these are one of the most significant types of relationships that exist.

However, throughout life we ​​are likely to experience more than one partner crisis. It’s also possible that some people who already have a partner will start to feel attracted and fixate on other people, or even fall in love with others.

What if you got to a situation similar to “I have a girlfriend but I love someone else”?

    I have a girlfriend but I love someone else: what to do?

    Being in a situation where we have a partner but have started to experience something for another person is difficult and can generate a high level of suffering not only for the current partner relationship but for the subject himself.

    Although it depends on the type of relationship with the partner and the personality and point of view of the subject in this situation, in many cases we are faced with a type of situation that can cause doubts, fear of losing or hurting partner, feeling guiltyAnxiety, sadness and in some cases even depression.

    This can happen at any time in a relationship, but it is much more common (and this is when there is usually a higher level of suffering for both of them) than when we are in an already established phase of a relationship. in which passion and love have lost their intensity.

    Part of this fact is facilitated by familiarity with the other person, as well as by routine: new or different stimuli than usual can attract a lot of attention. In any case, and no matter where it comes from, the big question arises: what can I do?

    1. Physical attraction or something else?

    We must first analyze and consider if the other person really loves us romantically, or if we are talking about sexual attraction or just sympathy. We must keep in mind that feeling attracted to others is a natural thing, And does not imply any disloyalty on our part unless in addition to mere attraction we are engaging in a sexual process.

    On the other hand, it is also possible that we only feel affection or sympathy for another person, not to mention falling in love and even without desire. Without going any further, that’s what happens with friendship.

    However, if the other person is constantly busy with their thoughts, if we prioritize this person’s business, or if we are not sure how we are feeling, a more in-depth assessment of what that person is generating may be desirable.

    2. If we are faced with deeper feelings … think about why

    In case it becomes obvious to us that we feel something for someone other than our partner and that it goes beyond simple desire, the next step is to analyze why.

    In this sense, there are a lot of questions we can ask ourselves, and they can help guide our thinking to find out what really causes us both our partner and this third person.

    Some of them are:

    • What is the other person doing that makes you love?
    • Do these feelings arise in a context of conflict with the current partner?
    • Is this feeling real or just a way to find a way out of the monotony?
    • Do you love your current partner or is it just affection and habit?
    • Do you like the other person in general or just one aspect of them, like the physical?
    • Do you want to have something with this other person?
    • Do you think that the emergence of this type of sensation is due to a lack of current?
    • Do you want to maintain your current relationship?
    • Do you stay in your current relationship for fear of being left alone?
    • Are you ready to let go of your current relationship?
    • Is there emotional dependence or codependency in the relationship?

    3. Evaluate the alternatives

    Once we analyze how we are feeling and a possible reason for it, the next step will be to consider and evaluate the alternatives we have. The main ones can be summarized as follows: continue with or break the current relationship, and in the latter case try or not to start a new relationship.

    It is advisable not to make the decision hot and to really value each option, what it generates for us and the possible consequences that can result from it.

    You also need to consider what it means to break down, including what will change and how that will affect each of the players involved (which can include other types of losses).

    It is also important to note that we don’t have to play with anyone’s feelings, Neither with those of your partner nor with those of the person who interests you: the others are not simple toys for our entertainment and our pleasure but thinking and sensitive beings.

      4. Make a decision

      Once the different alternatives have been evaluated, it is time to make a decision in this regard. This final decision should be made based on what we believe to be fair and most sincere: we have to act what we really want and with what we feel good a posteriori.

      Whether we continue our relationship or decide to break up and start another, the reason behind it cannot be the fear of missing out on a chance, not being able to establish or maintain the relationship, or being left alone.

      We must not subordinate the decision to the other either.Usually, it’s obvious that breaking up will cause pain to our partner if that’s the decision we make, but if our relationship is no longer supported, it may be best to leave it.

      5. After the decision: guidelines to follow

      Whatever decision is taken, the need to assess what to do next should be taken into account. If we decide to stay with our partner, we will have to come to terms with the need to see the other person and work more on the aspects of the relationship that made us doubt. Communication is essential, And it will be necessary to encourage it and increase its effectiveness.

      In case of routine and monotony, you can work to experience new sensations and activities and introduce changes that allow you to recover the emotion as much as possible.

      If the final decision is to break up, it will have to be attempted that this break is carried out in the best possible way, Without deceiving or blaming the other person. Neither should we try to force the other to let them leave the relationship: if it is our decision, we must take our responsibility. We must also take into account the possibility that our partner or ex-partner reacts badly, with anger, sadness or reproach (even if we should not admit violent attitudes)

      In any case, it is recommended, at least initially, not to have any contact with the person for whom we have not opted: if we are a couple, avoiding those who attracted us will reduce any discomfort or doubt, While if we do break it is also advisable to cut off the contact or reduce it to a minimum so as not to leave any doubts or generate anxiety or confusion in the person left or even ourselves.

      Bibliographical references:

      • Fehr, B., Russell, J. (1991). The concept of love seen from the point of view of a prototype. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.
      • Helen F. (2004). Why we love: the nature and chemistry of romantic love.

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