Infidelity: causes and consequences

Infidelity is one of the worst situations that can cause a person. Whether we suffer from it or commit it can eventually cause us discomfort and other negative symptoms.

But … what are the most common causes? How can we detect it? How to cushion or repair the consequences? In the following article, we will deepen and analyze in detail the phenomenon of infidelity.

    What is infidelity?

    We will first define what infidelity is. Although it may seem obvious, this concept can have different nuances depending on who is answering. One of the definitions most of us agree with is that it is an act of treason. A betrayal for being a situation that breaks the norms or values ​​on which a relationship is based.

    However, those rules or regulations that commit members of a couple to comply may be different from other relationships. In this way, there are more open couples in which relationships with other people are allowed but who have also established limits in terms of affection or emotions for example; and other couples in which the simple act of unintentional flirtation can pose a threat and qualify it as infidelity.

    In conclusion, an infidelity will be the breaking by one of the members of the couple of these established “rules”. (Previously or taken for granted over time).

    What are the reasons why you are unfaithful?

    There are many reasons why we can commit infidelity with both men and women. According to scientific evidence, both sexes tend to share the causes and origins that lead them to commit infidelity.

    We must keep in mind that each person is different due to their system of beliefs, role models, values ​​and experiences, and therefore not all people will react in the same way or end up committing infidelity. . However, enter the most common causes that can lead us to commit infidelity are as follows.

    1. Finding ourselves immersed in a routine or a monotony that does not satisfy us

    The need may arise to want something new, to aspire to another stage of life in which there was no partner, or simply to look for a way out that will make us “excited and motivated”. Leading a “double life” can sound like a fantasy, And sometimes we can do them without thinking about the consequences.

    2. Sexual desire

    It is possible that the desire or attraction for the couple has been lost. There are different stages in a relationship that can involve a decrease in sexual desire.; if that doesn’t work, over time it could be a cause of infidelity.

    3. Dissatisfaction with the partner

    In other words, we don’t feel complete in the relationship, there may be emotional, sexual, caring or other deficiencies. this would lead to looking for third parties for these unmet needs.

    4. Find a new partner

    This is the Tarzan effect, in which you are not able to let go of a vine until you have another hold. People terrified of celibacy.

    5. Revenge

    Sometimes we can be resentful and conclude that if our partner has made us suffer, he deserves the infidelity, easily lose the feeling of guilt and feel that it is a righteous act.

    6. Personal dissatisfaction and low self-esteem

    If we underestimate ourselves and value our partner more than we do as a sexual individual, that’s it. this can cause us to tend to want to ‘be in the market’ and to feel wanted (Increase our self-esteem).

      Have! … that the consequences are coming

      If the infidelity has already happened, the main question is … will they catch me or could I catch my partner? Say it or hide it? There are many factors at play in this question as well, as it depends on the type of infidelity and the people involved. Recurring infidelity is not the same as sporadic infidelity or face-to-face or digital infidelity.

      However, in most cases there is a tendency to hide the fact (blind eyes ….) and intend to continue the relationship without wondering if it is time to break up or no. So, some of the possible immediate consequences are as follows.

      On the one hand, the changes in the unfaithful person. Changes in your routine, mood swings, changes in your physique (Usually looks better in clothes or new fragrances), more vigilance of your privacy like phone or passwords.

      On the other hand, behaviors of the unfaithful person that lessen guilt or seek implicit forgiveness, How to give gifts to the couple for no apparent reason. Remove the conversation from a possible breakup because the relationship is not at the right time.

      In addition, the emotions that the members of the couple may experience will also be different. On the one hand, the person who has suffered the most infidelity will feel anger, hopelessness, and their self-esteem may be affected. On the other hand, the person who has committed the infidelity may feel guilt and shame.

      Can there be a relationship after an infidelity?

      Of course yes, you can continue the relationship after one or more infidelities. Power can … but the right question is whether this relationship will be healthy or not. In most cases, the relationship will not be the same, and if it was at a bad time, the situation will surely get worse.

      With the betrayal and breaking of those established values ​​or norms in the relationship, mistrust will be a present fact. finally lack of confidence will lead to other negative consequences: Insecurity, jealousy, control, discussions, reproaches, etc. At this point there will be two paths, continuing without well-being or ending the relationship.

      How to avoid certain causes and consequences of infidelity?

      The best option is to put yourself in the hands of a good professional in psychology.. Couples therapy is a very effective form of therapy at any stage you find yourself in. Before ending the relationship, allow us to test this “last cartridge”.

      The therapist will be an impartial professional, neither judging nor finding the culprits. Your goal is to objectively understand your situations, behaviors and emotions. At PsicoAlmería we perform face to face and online therapies, we specialize in couples therapy.

      During therapy we work on all aspects of the relationship, Identify weaknesses and provide skills or tools that will help you solve your problems. You will learn the why of the situations you are going through, you will understand the emotions and feelings like yours and those of the couple. You will set goals that will be achieved; infidelity can in many cases lead to a strengthening of the healthy continuation of the relationship.

      After completing therapy, not only will you come out stronger as individuals, but you will also have acquired the skills and learning necessary to lay a good foundation that will continue into the future.

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