Infidelity: the second most important problem in relationships

Fidelity is one of the foundations on which the vast majority of marriages and stable couples are built, so it’s no surprise that one of the main reasons couples seek psychological help is to overcome infidelity. In several national surveys 61.7% of men and 43.4% of women reported having committed an infidelity throughout their life, Become the second most important problem in a couple after physical violence.

But what is considered infidelity ?, Is sexual contact necessary or sufficient for an emotional union to occur ?, Does one-time contact imply a lack of loyalty? … Many questions are generated around the subject and also many couples who go to therapy in search of the definitive answer that resolves all doubts.

Why is it so difficult to distinguish between what is and what is not infidelity?

In practice, it is very difficult to define which behaviors involve infidelity, because the permitted limits are set implicitly within each couple according to the ideas of each member, their previous experiences, the customs of the family of origin and of the social context in which he lives. . Therefore, it is quite normal that what is considered infidelity in one couple is not infidelity in another and vice versa.

At the same time, men and women develop different ideas about infidelity: While many women tend to associate all intimacy – whether sexual or not – with infidelity, men are more likely to associate it with infidelity. deny it unless there was no connection. Recurrent sexual disorders.

To this variability of definition, we must add new technologies, an element which further increases the ambiguity of the concept and makes it more difficult for the couple to overcome the conflict. And this is it improved media has made infidelity more accessible and easier todayA cell phone or a computer is enough to establish strong relationships with emotional or sexual content with someone outside the relationship, without having to invest an excessive amount of time that makes the couple suspicious.

So how do we define the concept of infidelity?

Leaving aside all these difficulties and in an attempt to limit a possible definition, we can understand by infidelity all this situation in which a person, with a stable relationship, is involved in intense contact with someone who is not their usual partner. In this contact, sexual intercourse may or may not take place, making it possible to distinguish between a form of infidelity centered on intercourse and one in which it is only a secondary aspect of the emotional bond.

In the first case, the sexual dissatisfaction in the couple is the engine of the establishment of new relationships, while in the second it is a more global and complex dissatisfaction which pushes them to transgress the pacts of fidelity.

No more infidelities but for the same reasons

The actual frequency of extramarital affairs is increasing every day, increasing especially among the female population. This change in behavior is mainly linked to the availability of effective contraceptives, the change in the social role of women and their integration into the world of work, which has led women to have more contact with people outside their lives. relationship and that their fear of a possible unwanted pregnancy has diminished.

On the other hand, it should be mentioned that both sexes exhibit the same reasons, year after year, for initiating and maintaining a relationship of this nature. Unfaithful men and women talk about living a painful relationship, monotonous and empty and a lack of a positive response to their sexual and emotional demands. These statements show that infidelity in many cases indicates a need for “something more” or “something different” in their interaction and in their married life, which often prompts them to seek out what they are feeling. like their absence.

Can infidelity be overcome?

After knowing all this data, many couples will wonder if it is possible to reconcile the relationship after an infidelity, to which the statistics only answer 50% of the time the problem is solved. This probability of survival increases if the person who has been unfaithful is the man and if the infidelity has only been of a sexual nature.

Therefore, when considering a possible reconciliation after infidelity, it is necessary to assess the pros and cons of the relationship and keep in mind that not all unfaithful couples will go their separate ways. In many cases, not only is reconciliation possible, but the infidelity itself causes the couple to bring up their issues, overcome them, and continue their relationship with increased intimacy. Of course, we must never forget that the process of reconciliation is slow and difficult, and one inevitably has to apologize. and sincerely forgiveThus, in many cases, therapeutic intervention is necessary to guide and support the couple.

How to overcome infidelity?

You can find some tips by reading the following article:

“Overcome infidelity: the 5 keys to achieve it”

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