Is it possible to trust someone who has been unfaithful to you?

Before having treated couples within the framework of the couple therapy applied to the consultations for infidelity, I could answer that once a person is unfaithful, it can be it a thousand times.

Also, I started to argue that there was no point in forgiving in cases like this, because if forgiving wasn’t a guarantee that an infidelity wouldn’t happen again, why then take the test of distrust of trust.

There is even a saying that says if you get fired once, it’s the infidel’s fault, but if you get fired twice, it’s your fault. So, with this mentality, who dares to stay, to commit to a relationship after an infidelity?

    6 Steps to Consider if You Stay in the Relationship After Cheating

    Straight to the point, is it possible to continue in a relationship when there has been infidelity? Well, yes, and again yes. now fine special conditions must be met. Here I am listing a few that I think are the main ones.

    • Know that you will forgive, forget, or move on.
    • On the part of the person to whom they have been unfaithful, define by examples which actions generate trust or mistrust.
    • From the person who committed the infidelity, a commitment to correct what happened, with examples of how this could help healing and restore trust.
    • If the person who was unfaithful repents.
    • Understand and practice the new relationship contract.
    • That the process be directed by a psychotherapist.

    The latter, benefiting from psychological assistance, is essential so that an outside subject can be objective with the actions each is doing. It’s a good sign that the one who’s been unfaithful is calling to set up the date. Obviously this bill is paid by the infidels, if it is the opposite then I recommend that you study the topics related to dignity and self-esteem, but that is another subject.

      The importance of forgiveness

      Now let’s talk about that related sub-topic that’s always tied to cheating: forgiveness. And I ask you, do we forgive an infidel for convenience or for love? Do you find a relationship to forgive and not be unfaithful to you anymore? How long is the healthy time that must pass for forgiveness to appear? Should the process of forgiveness be done from subjective love or from objective love? Can I forgive and still separate? Can I not forgive and stay in the relationship?

      Here one can be on one side or the other and with several answers; my opinion is that how we respond has a lot to do with grievance, with what we need to “let go”. The time of the relationship with the other, the deception, how to deconstruct a family process, how did the infidelity happen, with whom was the infidelity, if you discovered it, if your partner confessed it to you … These are, among other things, decisive in answering these questions.

      The important thing is to know that this situation is not a condemnation, neither for the one who is unfaithful nor for the one who has suffered from infidelity. But the truth is that a person who loves you does not make you suffer, the general rule will always be not to limit yourself to words or letters, but to act.

      Now, if you were unfaithful, what happens now? Was it a one-time thing? Are you looking for culprits? Are you ready to do the emotional work necessary to establish trust and gain tools to fulfill your agreements in the relationship? We will talk about it in another article.

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