It is quite normal that when we stop to assess what other people mean to us, we draw very drastic conclusions, without halftones. As for feelings, we tend not to see gray: everything is either white or black. It may have to do with our need to believe that our lives are meaningful because they are tied to exceptional people, but ultimately, most of the time, experience shows us that we all have flaws.
Now … what happens when we focus specifically on the dating world? After all, even though everyone has imperfections, we can come to believe in the ideal couple. Simply put, it would be the one that, whatever its flaws, is a perfect fit for us.
But is it a reasonable idea or is it just a fantasy? After all, in the same way that we can believe that perfect people do not exist, we can consider that nor are relationships free from failure. Do ideal couples really exist?
What is an ideal partner?
As we have seen, the main characteristic of an ideal couple is that in theory they are 100% compatible with us. Someone who, for example, has weaknesses outweighed by the strengths of the person with whom he has a loving bond. Or, on the contrary, someone who is able to adapt to the needs of the other person.
This description of what an ideal couple is should take us away that stereotypical idea of husbands or wives who smile all day and constantly showing a side of a TV character in a series for the whole family. An ideal couple has their bad times, but those don’t completely break the dynamic of the relationship.
This idea is not entirely crazy, but it hides a trap. This trap is that the simple fact of having as a reference the notion of “ideal partner” can lead us to despise these people who are really perfectly valid to occupy an essential place in our lives. Have expectations set in an ideal it distracts us from people of flesh and blood, Those who really exist.
The refuge of expectations
With the concept of the ideal couple, something similar happens with people who, instead of changing their reality, are content to imagine a better one.
Fantasizing about being with the perfect person can be enjoyable, but it cannot be a substitute for real emotional life. After all, per se, someone who only exists in our imaginations does not need to have characteristics that disappoint us. Imagine someone perfect implies that we will imagine someone incomplete.
On the other hand, someone really has hundreds of characteristics that are not ideal, but that’s because there are: because their physique is one way and not another like her. suits us, because his personality it does not depend on our interests at any time, And because their skills have to do with a whole story of learning and going through life, not with the improvisation of the activity of fantasizing.
A sort of loneliness in disguise
Finding the perfect partner is, paradoxically, a way to engage in solitude and perpetuate isolation. As long as a person has the idea that their love life should be about finding someone ideal, they won’t just feel separated from others because of an emotional barrier.
In addition, this situation can lead to the danger of a long-term compromise with this isolation which he doesn’t really like, but strives to nurture.
Because? Because if someone thinks he is waiting for the ideal partner, he finds in this belief a justification for his loneliness. You saw her in a costume of nobility, of romance, as if going through this long wait would make us better or expose ourselves more to the possibilities of reaching a person who, by definition, does not exist.
When someone realizes that they have invested time and money in research that shows no sign of determination soon, they tend to obsess over the pursuit, making sense of the sacrifices of the past.
This obsession can become even more dangerous if it comes to finding the perfect person. The reason is that anyone who takes the idea of the perfect partner seriously, he will undoubtedly have reserved for this imaginary figure a very important role to the life we expect to have in the future.
A love trap
In conclusion, the idea of the ideal couple is not only unrealistic. Moreover, it can be detrimental to some people who are inclined to take this concept very seriously. Living from an imagined future does not usually compensate for the frustrations of the present.