A key pillar in making the relationship last is communication. But not just any kind of communication; it is necessary to learn to manage affirmative and honest communication strategies to correctly solve the problems of the cohabitation of couple.
In this article we will review the different ways in which the lack of communication in the couple negatively affects the romantic bond, Prevent a healthy development of the quality of life of its members and their way of interacting on a daily basis.
The importance of communication in romantic relationships
Couples unions are primarily based on trust to create a strong bond between two people, and communication is an integral part of the process of trusting someone. when we trust we are able to express our feelings, emotions and opinions in a frank and open manner with the other person.
In this way, we then understand why the lack of communication in the couple makes it difficult for the relationship to work properly. Avoid uncomfortable problems and pretend problems don’t exist it is counterproductive, the ideal is to converse to find solutions, as well as to keep the other person in the current of what is being thought and felt on all kinds of meaningful matters.
It is important that couples with communication problems are able to recognize this situation in time, so that they can seek out the necessary tools to improve this aspect of their relationship. Otherwise, the emotional bond will become dysfunctional.
How does the lack of communication affect the couple?
Below we will go through a list with the main consequences of the lack of communication in the couple bond; these are factors that erode the quality of the emotional bond and expose us more to misunderstandings and even to discussions and conflicts.
1. Passive-aggressive attitude
The passive-aggressive model of communication can significantly harm a couple during times of conflict. The passive-aggressive attitude is based on pretending to be good manners, a calm expression, a moderate tone of voice, and pretending that nothing happens when we find ourselves genuinely irritated and letting them know indirectly. and ambiguously.
If you can stay calm or calm during discussions, prevent your words from being directly or indirectly hurtful; it is not enough to maintain an appropriate tone of voice and good composure when what you are saying hurts the other person.
2. Not knowing how to listen
This problem is one of the most common for couples and is a consequence of the lack of communication in the relationship. It is common to see how in conversations people listen to respond rather than to understand the message that the other person wants to get them. The longer this situation lasts, the greater the negative consequences it will leave behind.
When this happens during discussions, they become more and more inflamed, and it is never possible to come to a conclusive point, as the members of the couple are constantly interrupted by preventing anyone from being able to express themselves normally.
3. Anger issues
Difficulty controlling emotions, especially angerThey have a significant impact on the couple’s cohabitation. This creates a vicious cycle in which the feeling of anger causes us to convey ideas in the wrong direction and the wrong styles of communication make us angry.
The best thing about this situation is to apply good emotional recognition, so that we can immediately know that we are angry and avoid acting or saying things as long as that emotion is held. Thus, it will be us who control the anger, not the other way around.
4. Negative opinions
When we complain excessively and negatively about our partnerThis reveals that something we are doing wrong in the communication process. The criticisms relate to problematic circumstances that we have not been able to resolve.
If there is something that you don’t like about your partner, it’s best to tell them and find a solution together. But if what happens on the contrary is that you criticize their behavior without the slightest intention of resolving the original conflict, it’s time to rethink the styles of communication that are being addressed.
5. Ignore the couple
Ignore the couple this is the most obvious way of lack of communication. It is the total omission of any interest in improving the negative situation that is hurting the relationship. When we ignore it, the implicit message we send is that we are not interested in doing anything to make the relationship work better.
6. Lack of respect
Crimes against the couple only worsen the initial situation. Disrespecting each other while we have a discussion is like putting more firewood on the fire. We create a much more tense atmosphere where anger and frustration take over in the moment.
7. Stubborn attitude
Not twisting the arm is one of the things that takes us the most away from good communication with our partner. Sometimes it’s better to let your guard down and accept that we’ve acted exaggeratedly faced with a situation.
Doing this does not imply weakness or submission, on the contrary, it reflects that we are mature enough to understand that we are not always right and that there are times when we must accept that we were wrong, always learning from our mistakes.
8. Focus only on us
While it is true that we must always have self-love and not allow our partner to be above our needs, we must also understand that relationships are a matter of (at least) two people, And we can’t just focus on ourselves.
The ideal is to learn to also see the needs of the other as important, to be able to conclude adaptive agreements, which bring advantages to coexistence and generate an atmosphere of equality in the couple.
What should be done to resolve this problem?
The possibility of attending couples therapy this should be one of the options that every couple going through this kind of problem should consider.
In these sessions, working to improve the quality of communication is a central aspect of psychological intervention. The goal is not to look for culprits and victims, nor to get the two out without more, but to establish dynamics of communication and coexistence that take root in everyday life and beyond the sessions with the psychologist, for the couple relationship to gain new impetus, giving them both the resources to deal with any problems or crises that may arise in this love affair.
Of course, you have to worry about finding a good psychologist; in any case, keep in mind that it is better to opt for professionals trained in this area of intervention, which has its own characteristics that do not appear in individualized psychotherapy.
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- Carreño, M. (1991). Psychosocial aspects of romantic relationships. Saint-Jacques-de-Compostelle: University of Saint-Jacques-de-Compostelle.
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- Sternberg, RJ (1987). Like vs love: a comparative assessment of theories. Psychological Bulletin, 102 (3): pages 331-345.