For many people, having a partner and getting married is one of their main goals in life. But relationships are not always easy and can go through times of conflict. If there is one variable that has a positive impact (or not) on the resolution of these conflicts, it is self-esteem.
High self-esteem in love: “love me if you dare!”
Self-esteem affects people’s daily lives and their interpersonal relationships, and the facet of love and relationships is no exception. while people with low self-esteem can become emotionally dependent subjects and they can intoxicate the relationship, those with high self-esteem can even become intimidated because they get along with themselves so well that they don’t need anyone else to be happy. Sometimes they don’t fit the ideal of a loving person who appears in the movies, that is, who waits for the couple around the clock.
Those with high self-esteem may end up being criticized for giving an image of “love me if you dare”In other words, it’s not the classic people who want to be with someone at all costs (even when the relationship has no solution), but to enjoy their life to the fullest and make the most of it. For them, the couple is a traveling companion, and in their patterns there is no possibility of remaining in a toxic relationship. These people, when they find someone with whom they fit in, they really love, they love with “mature love”.
Loving yourself is the key to loving others
The truth is that many movies, songs or novels are inspired by love, that feeling so intense that it is able to leave us with sensations and feelings that are difficult to forget. This love that may seem so idyllic and beautiful, it’s often based on fantasy, In an image of perfection seldom realized. We often create irrational expectations about what a person in love or our partner should look like, which can lead to conflict over not being able to meet those expectations.
In healthy love, each member of the couple has their own space, And everyone should feel good about themselves. Without neglecting respect as a fundamental pillar of the relationship, it may not be well seen when a person is particularly independent and pursues their dreams with a lot of enthusiasm and passion, because this irrational image of love which one talking can make us believe that we have to be addicted to the couple, to share everything and to give 100%.
Now, if we 100% surrender ourselves, where is the percentage that is intended for our personal development and individual happiness? When a person loves himself, he is able to love others.
Low self-esteem equals toxic people
While high self-esteem is the key to successful love, low self-esteem is the exact opposite – the person doesn’t feel good about themselves, etc. it is impossible for a relationship to work. There must be a balance in any interpersonal relationship, but one of the two is placed in a position of power that does not benefit the well-being of the couple.
In addition, people with low self-esteem they turn the relationship into a conflict situation, As the communication is seriously affected. These are people who hold on to relationships like a hot fingernail, and they have a great need to maintain emotional bonds and affection because only they feel weak.
The toxic love, to which these people cling, has ten characteristics. They are as follows:
- Some members put their family or friends aside.
- They need the approval of others because they don’t want enough.
- They feel a lot of emotional dependence because they don’t feel strong on their own.
- They become addicted to the couple.
- It is irrational love.
- They are afraid of change.
- It is a relationship in which manipulation appears.
- It’s possessive.
- It makes you suffer.
The relationship also influences
In the examples above, it was mentioned how self-esteem affects the smooth running of the relationship. However, love is a very intense feeling and is a very important part of our life, so good or bad progress in the relationship also affects how we feel and our self-esteem.
We can be very attached to a person and have unforgettable experiences, but when love is broken our brains suffer and our view of the world can change to lead us to an existential crisis. Few couples end well, and especially in cases where infidelity has existed, the person being deceived may feel like a loser, which can certainly have an impact on the self-esteem that comes with them.
In lack of love, moreover, a series of chemical reactions take place in the brain that can cause a neurochemical imbalance that requires a process of normalization, in which the person has to get used to being without their loved one and has to relearn how to enjoy pleasant experiences in life. Scientific research concludes that when we go through a disruption process, our dopamine levels drop, which is associated with depression or obsession.
Psychologists claim that we must stop seeing the expareja until our neural circuits regain their stability; otherwise, our self-esteem may suffer the consequences.
- You can read more about this topic in this article: “Psychology of love: this is how our brains change when we find a partner”
How to improve in this aspect
Self-esteem is a collection of beliefs, ratings, perceptions, and thoughts that we have about ourselves. There is still no magic formula to improve it, it is possible adopt a series of habits and attitudes which can allow us to be less critical of ourselves, to accept experiences that happen to us or to learn from failures.
The first step to change is realizing that you have low self-esteem and in extreme situations you should seek psychological help. However, in the article “10 Keys to Increase Your Self-Esteem in 30 Days”, you will find a list of tips that will help you assess yourself in a positive way.