There are many forms of psychological grief caused by significant loss. For example, for the loss of a job, for a partner, for a change of school, for the loss of a loved one, for the loss of health and maybe even for the loss of a pet. company.
In this case, I want to deepen the loss of a relationship, which has its own characteristics.
The keys to mourning a breakup
It is very common that when they end a love affair, in a very short period of time, people create and feel rested or like nothing bad has happened to them.; they even start looking for a new partner, like “throwing little earth under the rug”. That is, bringing their own emotional issues to the next relationship.
Those emotional issues or personality factors that influenced 50% of this breakup are likely to continue to be with people, unresolved, some time later. And they can even lead to codependency or an undesirable quality of life.
too much it is common for friends or family of the people involved in this breakup to invite the person in question to have fun, have fun, go out even with other prospects as a couple, in order not to see them cry or suffer; obviously they do it out of love, but most of the time the ones who love us the most are the ones who are most likely to end up hurting us.
It is harmful to pretend that nothing happened and ask the person who has suffered a loss, to make them strong, to be sidetracked, or just to look for another person to fill the gap. This is harmful because they do not allow you to work on grief in a correct way, because the only thing that generates the fact of becoming strong is a delay of negative and untreated emotions.
What to do?
The normal thing for people who lose a partner should be to wait a considerable amount of time (more or less 6 or 9 months at least) alone, learn to deal with their own loneliness, understand it, deal with it, and thus decrease the great feeling. . emptiness. Allowing this alone time involves going to the movies, the theater, shopping, doing hobbies that are usually enjoyed, but with oneself. And of course, when you feel the need to cry and feel sad, angry, eager to get that relationship back and finally come to terms with the breakup.
It is precisely these last emotions which, according to some authors, represent the stages of mourning. There are researchers who suggest more stages, but in short, the stages of mourning are: Denial, sadness, courage, bargaining or wanting to recover what has been lost and finally acceptance. These stages do not have a chronological or precise order, but it is essential to go through them all in a constant movement and to let the respective emotions flow into each one.
Losing a partner is a huge opportunity to rework emotions, triggered in the present but rooted in the early stages of a person’s life. Far from what we think, the best in mourning love would be to face such intense emotions, to learn to enjoy your own company.
The ideal when something like this happens will always be get rid of any vestige that person remembers (negatively and even positively), so the only thing left at the end is an emotionally more neutral memory. It should be mentioned that the key words to get through this process and end in an ideal way are: I love you, I forgive you, thank you and I am sorry.
When these words can be said sincerely (and imaginatively), it is highly likely that the person will have overcome this loss.
What can happen in the face of grieving over a mismanaged partner?
On the other hand, when the bereavement is not done well, the consequences can be quite serious, because it can become pathological and enter the life of the person without them realizing it. Outraged, he will repeat the same behavioral patterns while continuing to escape this rupture.
Even sometimes, some people who do not resolve a loss properly, can only be relieved with the support of psychotherapy, but require psychiatric and pharmacological support.
Clinically speaking, in such cases, problems such as anxiety attacks or depression can arise. This latest psychopathology involves having months of irritability, sadness, eating problems, a lack of interest in things that previously interested him, a lack of hygiene … so the person will not be able to live the life with dignity and with all that he would like, who really only deserves being human.
It could be that all the gaps or problems that could be improved in a person’s life even revolve around one or more duels not resolved before. It happens in people who are very entrenched in what you might call melancholy or discouragement most of the time..
That is why we must consider that it is very important to allow ourselves to be vulnerable and to seek professional psychotherapeutic help without any prejudice, since it is a process focused on our own well-being and to build a life as good as it gets. , without repeating behavioral patterns and perhaps even harmful parents, drawn from unresolved or untreated emotional impairments in the early years of life.
Sure, no one is born with all the skills to ideally integrate into life, but it is braver and stronger who intelligently accepts help …