My girlfriend left me, what can I do to feel good again? My boyfriend ended our relationship, how can I get over it? These are typical concerns about one-sided breakups, and the truth is that it is relatively normal for many people to become obsessed with this type of problem for a while. The end of the romance is usually painful, and if it also came from a one-sided decision, it tends to be more painful.
However, no moment of sadness and emotional crisis should last indefinitelyAnd no matter how bad we are, there is a lot we can do to feel better and get over this blow. Maybe someone else has decided to end up with something shared, but when it comes to our psychological well-being, all the legitimacy of changing for the better and feeling good depends on yourself.
Tips to follow if your boyfriend or girlfriend has left you
It is true that when it comes to love, there are no great natural laws that come true 100% of the time, however the most common is that unilateral ruptures are very painful. In these cases, we must try not to get stuck in this stage of crisis, so that the sadness does not always stay there, preventing us from living normally. Below are several helpful tips if your girlfriend has left you and you are experiencing great discomfort.
1. Set aside time to assimilate yourself
There are people who believe that they are going to get over the breakup better if they claim it didn’t happen, which leads them to try and do the exact same thing that they always did, as if what happened hadn’t affected them. It is a mistake. If you live with the obsession with ‘my girlfriend left me’, ‘my boyfriend is never coming back, or whatever, it doesn’t make sense to impose such an artificial facade on yourself.
It is therefore necessary to devote at least a few minutes a day to face the rupture and accept its existence. Yes, it is a painful thing, and it is very possible that you will go through times of crying. However, at least in the early stages of the breakup overcoming process, it’s good to expose yourself to it.
2. Understand that you are looking for a long term goal.
Getting out of your comfort zone is a must, and that means accepting that you’ll have to go through tough times for a greater good: getting back to normal in the weeks and months to come, and not letting your discomfort and sadness become chronic.
On the other hand, understanding that what you are doing in the present will have to enter into the logic of this process of improvement in the medium or long term means that mental health comes first, And therefore, the relationship with the ex-partner should be subject to what we believe is most useful in each case. There should be no feeling of guilt for not wanting to have contact with him or her.
3. Examine Guilt Beliefs
When a person leaves their partner, it is very common for them to start having feelings of guilt, even if it stems from totally irrational beliefs. This leads to intrusive thoughts referring to those situations which you believe led the groom or bride to end the relationship.
It’s true that maybe a lot of what caused the other person to cut us off has to do with things we’ve done, but there are two things to keep in mind.
First, anything that leads to the breakup and has been the product of our actions is not something to be ashamed of or apologetic for. For example, incompatibilities in terms of priorities or personality they cannot be the fault of either party. There isn’t one type of person we should be like to keep the relationship healthy.
Second, even in what may be considered morally wrong and which saddened or angered the ex-partner, it can serve as a lesson to improve in the future. He has no power over the past, but he has power over the present and the future. Making this experience useful for learning is the best way to move forward and not suffer in your self-esteem indefinitely from what has happened.
4. Look for irrational beliefs
With events as big as the breakup, it’s very easy for various totally irrational ideas about who we are and what we’ve done to slip into our belief system without us realizing it. Usually these ideas are very pessimistic or have a bias that causes us to focus all of our attention on what we perceive to be our own weaknesses. For that, it is necessary to reflect and gradually discover these unfounded beliefs.
5. Don’t be afraid to go to therapy
In some cases, personal effort is not enough to assimilate the breakup and come back to life without settling permanently in sadness. In this case, what you can do for yourself is reject the idea that if you go to psychotherapy for the psychological support it can give you, it will be a symptom of weakness. It is quite understandable that if a loved one leaves us, we will have a hard time recovering; after all, it is a grieving process.