Overcoming infidelity: the 5 keys to getting there

Many couples wonder if this is possible overcome infidelity after having known the involvement of a third party in their relationship, but the answer to this question depends mainly on the reestablishment of the bond of trust between the two and the degree of affectation of this one, because in some cases it is definitely damaged and separation is the best solution for both.

Disappointment is the most common emotion associated with infidelitySince knowing that we are being deceived produces a cluster of negative feelings towards the couple which consequently degrade the image we had until the moment of him or her, and restoring it is not always easy or viable.

    Can a relationship be mended after infidelity?

    Although infidelity is a complex subject to study, partly because of the different cultural dynamics that exist in human societies and their implications for how love and emotional relationships are understood. focused on this phenomenon show that the partner crises that give rise to they don’t have to end a court or a marriage, or stop those relationships from working from that point on..

    This is due, among other things, to the fact that an infidelity crisis must not reveal personal needs or fundamental elements of the personality of the unfaithful person. Just as there are a number of previous behavioral patterns that lead to infidelity, it is possible to intervene in those behavior patterns and the contextual aspects that led to this situation, and ” deactivate ”. No one is unfaithful by nature, but one learns to be unfaithful, and all that is learned can be unlearned.

    Of course, this doesn’t mean that in practice the best option is to always do everything possible to prevent someone from breaking the rules of mutual engagement that exist in a relationship; Sometimes it’s better to break up the relationship, and in fact, no victim of infidelity should feel guilty for deciding to break up with the other person. However, it is worth knowing that in any case, it is not impossible for the relationship to move forward.

    The context in which the infidelity developed is as important as the infidelity itself, as a one-off slippage on any given occasion is not the same as a temporary alignment in which relationships with a third person on the backs have alternated. . The latter would imply a contact beyond a simple adventure in which there was an exchange of feelings and therefore a premeditated action by the person involved towards the deception much more difficult to forgive, seeing mutual trust greatly affected.

    How to beat infidelity: the keys to achieving it

    The occasional adventures are also not decisive in whether infidelity can be overcome, although these cases involve a stimulus in generally spontaneous and thoughtless actions in which the consequences of the acts have not been measured. The deceived person can also lose confidence in his partner if after what has happened, she does not know if this thoughtless action could be repeated.

    What are the important aspects to move forward when you have suffered an infidelity? Let’s see.

    1. Sincerity

    Sincerity on both sides is always the best way to deal with any problem that may arise in the couple, because in the case of infidelity, there are many conditions that can lead to looking for an external stimulus in personal relationships, and still that is not the case. justification for taking such measures, the being sincere with the other could encourage joint work on the weaknesses of the relationship or that the other deems faulty to modify and reach an agreement satisfactory to both.

      2. Explore the meaning of infidelity together

      Not everyone has to experience and perceive infidelity the same. In fact, the most common is that at first glance, this couple crisis is not seen in the same way.

      For example, it is not uncommon to find, in situations like this, that the definition of the term “infidelity” that everyone has is different, And that for many is not limited to physical encounters. Talking about it helps those who have done it to be more aware of the wrong they have done.

      Of course, keep in mind that the fact that someone realizes that the other person has a broader concept of “infidelity” than theirs is not in itself the end of the crisis and does not make the pain they feel less real. partner, and that work needs to be done to show that it is capable of upholding this commitment and repairing the damage caused.

        2. Allow time for reflection

        Leave space for the other person it is also a necessary aspect to know if an infidelity can be forgiven, since the initial reaction to the deception is usually a reaction of rejection and rejection by the perpetrator, a response which is induced by the shock of realities represented by the contrast. of the image of the (often idealized) couple projecting into the subconscious, which the conscious mind has to contend with – when we see that things are not as we thought they were.

        3. Know the reality

        Stating the facts and knowing the details of the problem is part of the recovery process to know if an infidelity can be overcome and at this point it is essential to be as sincere as possible on both parties. avoid going into sordid details that do not help restore the bond of trustAs the comparisons of the intimacy maintained between the couple and the third party in question.

        4. Break (sincerely) with the third person

        Breaking up the relationship with the third person (that is, with whom you have had an intimate physical encounter or not and who violates the rules of mutual commitment of the relationship) it is necessary in all cases of infidelity, Although when this happens occasionally, it probably isn’t necessary as most of these situations usually happen in relaxed environments such as parties and with strangers you usually no longer have contact with.

        5. Avoid environments that can create discomfort

        If the third person involved is a person from the circle close to the couple, it may be necessary to make changes to the routine together like a change of friends or work, in order to avoid tense situations that lead to recalling what happened preventing you from turning the page in a vicious cycle of guilt and blame.

        Start from zero

        Overcoming infidelity is, in part, know how to re-base the relationship on the foundations of trust. Therefore, once the couple have laid out the situation and discussed the issue at length, leaving aside the initial resentments, it should be made clear that if given a second chance, they start from scratch thanks to a commitment made by them. two parties, which implies that the person who has been unfaithful is consistent with the opportunity offered to him and not making the same mistake again.

        But the other part too he must make the effort to continue without looking backAvoid any mention of what happened and fall into accusations or blame, because one of the main problems that couples often face after experiencing such situations is the classic “forgive but remember.”

        This can lead one of the parties to constantly remember that he spent offering vexatious treatment to his partner in the form of “revenge”. to be able to fall into psychological violence and that the victim usually accepts because she thinks she deserves it, resulting in a role swap in which the ‘victim’ becomes a victim, perhaps because she has skipped one of the above points. above or has not strengthened as it should, although in some cases when people concerned are not in a position to establish the starting point zero as an anchor point, separation would be an option to be considered in order not to prolong the suffering.

        Bibliographical references:

        • Atkins, DC; Baucom, DH; Jacobson, Nova Scotia (2001). Understanding infidelity: is correlated in a national random sample. The Family Diary Psychology, 15 (4): pages 735-749.
        • Beck, JG; Bozman, AW; Qualtrough, T. (1991). The experience of sexual desire: psychological correlations in an academic sample. The Journal of Sex Research, 28 (3): pp. 443-456.
        • Christensen, A .; Atkins, DC; Yi, J .; Baucom, DH; George, WH (2006). Couple and individual adjustment for 2 years after a randomized clinical trial comparing traditional behavioral couple therapy with integrative. J Consult Clin Psychol, 74 (6): p. 1180-1191.
        • Díaz Morfa, J. (2003). Prevention of couple conflicts. Editorial Desclée de Brouwer, Collection of the Library of psychology.
        • Thornton, V. and Nagurney, A. (2011). What is infidelity? Perceptions based on biological gender and personality. Psychological research and behavior management, 4: pages 51-58.

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