Already in a previous article, we talked about the importance of expanding our sexual repertoire by leaving aside the coitocentrism (focusing sex almost exclusively on penetration) that prevails in our culture.
Today we offer a technique used in sex therapy in order to reduce tension in the couple when problems arise. This strategy is a variant of the one developed by Masters and Johnson already in the sixties and seventies which they called “Sensory Focus”.
However, it is not necessary to suffer from a sexual problem in the couple’s environment to enjoy a mutual hugging session, so that the pleasure becomes a fun and enjoyable exercise that helps to connect with the couple.
In the same way that Masters and Johnson established different levels within this technique, we will also diversify it into three stages, placereado 1, 2 and 3. Today we present the first.
How to make one happy for two?
1. It is better to plan the day when we will exercise, Although it can also work in these cases, improvise. Although there is no minimum number of times to perform, the more we do it, the more we will see its benefits.
2. We will look for an ideal place that meets certain preferences such as: privacy, adequate temperature, comfort (The bed is great for exercise), or environmental preferences (relaxing music, soft lighting, candles, etc.). It is important to turn the phone off or put it on silent to avoid interruptions.
3. It is also essential to have a good attitude, to be motivated, Do not be very tired or in full digestion.
4. Let’s start the exercise. One of the couple is lying naked with his head down and his eyes closed. The other, also naked, in a comfortable posture begins to gently caress his partner from head to toe without forgetting any part of the body. It is not a question of doing a massage but of transmitting our emotion through the hands, the stimulation must therefore be relaxed and pleasant.
5. When what you caress reaches your feet, Which is stretched is returned and the exercise is repeated in front as before, except for the genitals and breasts, since we are in pleasure 1. The bodily stimulation should last at least fifteen minutes in total (about seven minutes for each face of the body).
6. After that, eyes open, what was lying is incorporated and take a few minutes to comment on what they were feeling, the quality of the hugs, the ailments, etc. Then the roles are changed, the one who received the caresses now performs them and vice versa and the exercise is repeated as described in the previous points.
7. At the end of the exercise, the couple decide what to do next, whether they want to start sex or not., Since there is no prior premise of excited ending or having sex at the end. The aim of this strategy is therefore not to “force” anything other than giving and receiving pleasant caresses. We can use this experience to learn to ask, to say yes or no, according to the wishes of each one and to accept the negatives without getting angry, nor to live them as rejection.
What can we achieve by making fun 1?
- This technique helps us to genitalize our sexual relationsIn other words, using other parts of our body with a pleasant head, which will certainly increase our erotic sensitivity all over the skin. Let’s not forget that today’s culture encourages us to focus our sex almost exclusively on genital stimulation and this exercise makes it easy to add elements in making sex more fun.
- With this exercise, we were able to give and receive pleasure without feeling guilty and without needing compensation. since the stimulation will be reciprocal. In this way, we fight this sexist role on the active role that men must play in taking the initiative and responsibility for the relationship and the supposedly passive role of women. Taking advantage of both roles, passive and active, enriches the relationship.
- It also helps us to keep our minds in “erotic mode”.. If we manage to maintain the attention during the exercise in the caresses and in the sensations that this produces, we will be able to train the mind to be in the present and to escape unproductive thoughts, norms or beliefs that do not facilitate relaxation. , something very common when sexual dysfunctions appear. (A selection of erotic phrases, here).
- It is a technique of choice when dealing with certain sexual problems because it allows you to work on basic goals such as conditioning the anxiety associated with sexual intercourse characteristic of these problems.
In short, a different exercise that allows us to relax and connect with our partner. In the next article, we will discuss the variants offered by placereado 2 and 3 and their practical applications.
- Masters, W, H. and Johnson, VE (1996). Human sexual response. Buenos Aires. Inter-medical.