From the moment we acquired the first notions of what was going on around us, we began to hear the term “love”. The love of family, friends, children … the idea of romantic couple love is encouraged, with which all movies end, being happy and eating partridges.
But reality is not like what the cinema, and especially the most childish, wants to sell us. This is why the first relationships that appear at puberty appear as the first frustrations, facing reality with this idealized world.
On the other hand, we cannot deny that social networks are part of our present and that they determine, more and more strongly, our relations with others and with the world. Far from approaching the reality of love, on social media it shows what we want others to perceive about us and reinforce the idea of reflecting learned patterns of what is love in a relationship and what happiness is.
But the continuous and blind exposure of our intimacy and our movements it generates in some couples a situation of control full of insecurity and mistrustWhere irrational jealousy appears, troubled love begins to give its first signs.
What is toxic love?
Problematic love, or toxic love, is one in which the need for control and jealousy become the foundation of the relationship, Where tears add up more than smiles and one’s own happiness depends on the couple. This type of relationship erodes self-esteem, the individual’s own identity and encourages a misunderstanding of what a relationship is, the bond becomes difficult to break.
Falling in love is an emotional state in which happiness invades us, the desire to share more time with the partner increases, we feel valued and loved, but sometimes these feelings are more and more limited to share with them feelings of deep sadness, anguish and fear. In the midst of these intense emotions, it is difficult to realize the reality of what is happening to end this dangerous spiral.
When we talk about a pathological emotional addiction, we are referring to the strong bond that is established with the couple, so that in their absence negative emotions appear. Fear of the end of the relationship, the anguish produced by separation, obsessive thoughts about the partner, and continued discomfort when not with the other person.
When that happens, the person feels incomplete without the partner, gives up on himself and loses the value of his own identity, wants and needs for profit and under the approval of the other. This type of toxic relationship leads to low self-esteem, which results in irrational fears and insecurities about oneself.
At a time when your well-being depends on another person, the fear of ending the relationship is not so much because of the things that unite you and make you happy together, but because without that person, who is the whole, only the nothing.
It is an increasingly common problem that leads the person, once they are aware of the discomfort caused by their relationship, to go to the psychologist, where you try to promote autonomy, self-esteem and the development of good social skills and conflict resolution. Plus, cognitive behavioral therapy works with misconceptions and conceptions about love and relationships.
Jealousy and social media
Obsessive jealousy is an increasingly common problem among young couples who see these overly controlling emotional reactions as signs of love.
While jealousy in a relationship is a sign of what matters to us and allows, through trust, to set limits in the relationship in which both agree and promote a healthy relationship, when these are irrational and obsessive. they can lead to discomfort that suffers them from the anxiety and fear that produce them, As the person who suffers, leading to the destruction of the couple.
Pathological jealousy is linked to insecurities, mistrust, the need for possession and the fear of separating, caused by low self-esteem and a misconception of what love is. Jealous people suffer from psychological suffering that prevents them from enjoying the relationship beyond looking for reasons to justify these thoughts that generate mistrust towards their partner.
Social media has emerged as the weapon that refers to the jealous and their needs for control. Photographs, stories, thoughts, ideas, where you are at all times are some of the information posted on social media, where interpretation and imagination can lead to the confirmation of irrational ideas. Control how long you are online, add a “Like” to a photo you follow on social networks, and grab your cell phone to watch private conversations that limit privacy, confidentiality and freedom. the other person.
It turns the relationship into fear, and fear leads to lies to avoid arguments and when these lies are discovered; they suppose to reinforce the once irrational mistrust and now with arguments.
This vicious circle becomes self-destructive, where love is not enough, where mistrust and suffering increase in a dead end where the breakup hurts too much but being together makes them unhappy.
The importance of reacting to the first problems
There are a lot of couples who go into therapy when the wear and tear has dried up to the roots of the relationship and all that’s left is to save each other individually and start accepting that it’s over. It is advisable to go to therapy when the first indicators appear that the relationship is not healthy and that jealousy increasingly conditions the relationship of the couple. To do this, you have to work individually on self-esteem, fears and irrational beliefs that generate obsessive jealousy to make room for well-being.