In a society where traditionally we give in advance how and to whom to love, is it possible that two people can maintain an intimate bond without any sort of label or hierarchy?
At a time when the notion of romantic love still influences the conception of relationships, relational anarchy arises as an alternative to these dynamics. Throughout this article, we will explain what this stream of thought consists of and what are its principles.
What is relational anarchy?
Relational anarchy, also known as relational anarchism (AR) it is a way of understanding intimate relationships in which people are able to establish personal relationships that do not depend on or fall under a set of pre-established rules.
The people who realize it see it as a way of life in which the management of their relationship is subject to the very principles or rules of the members who form it and not to the social conventions or the culture in which they reside.
Relationship anarchist argues that love can take hundreds of formsBut none of them are subject to hierarchies, rules or laws imposed outside of the relationship itself. Otherwise, these links must appear spontaneously and develop naturally. In this way, the components of the couple are completely free to get along and to determine what they want both for their relationship and for the bonds with others.
Within these dynamics, people who follow relational anarchism generally do not differentiate between bonds that are traditionally considered “couple” and those that are not. Otherwise, they take a much more flexible consideration of what can happen and what is in those relationships.
However, it should be noted that relational anarchism it does not mean that people have no commitment in their relationshipsBut it is they themselves who establish their own level and type of commitment based on the feelings they experience in the relationship with the other person.
As described above, there is the possibility of confusing relational anarchy with polyamory. And while it is true that many relationship anarchists have various sexual affective ties with other people, they will never categorize one relationship or another on that basis.
Where and when did he appear?
While the exact place and time at which relational anarchy began to take hold is unclear, it is believed to be a derivative or born stream of thought. within the polyamorous community.
In 2006, Swedish author Andi Nordgren defined and explored this dynamic in relationships in an article titled The Manifesto on Relational Anarchism. He exposes, from his point of view, the principles by which relational anarchism has been governed.
Principles of relational anarchism
As mentioned above, writer Andi Nordgren wrote a manifesto explaining the basics or principles of relational anarchy.
Here’s what those principles say.
1. “We can love a lot of people and every relationship is unique”
Relational anarchy he considers love as something infinite and limitless. It is therefore likely to be traded with more than one person, without harming anyone.
This school of thought advocates appreciating each of our relationships independently, without labels, without hierarchy or without comparisons.
2. “Love and respect instead of rights”
Another of the great principles that makes relational anarchism famous is the suppression of the idea that, in an intimate relationship, the two members have a set of rights over the other. That is to say in all cases respect for the independence and self-determination of the other prime about all things, including obviously one’s own desires or interests.
One of his main ideas in this manifesto is: “Love is more real to us when people get involved just because it is part of what is expected.”
3. “We find our core set of values”
People have the right and the duty to draw their own personal values map and apply it in your links with other people, Always based on consensus and communication with each other.
A real relationship cannot follow rules established and imposed on the outside of the person, because each subject is different and has a different way of conceiving love.
4. “Heterosexuality is everywhere, but don’t let that scare us”
Broadly speaking, this principle means that although our society and culture push us to take a certain direction as to who we should and should not like, we must not be afraid to love someone regardless of their gender or gender, As it is our right to decide.
5. “Spontaneity instead of obligation”
Everyone has the freedom to express their love spontaneously, without any kind of bond or obligation, And following a sincere desire to meet the other person.
6. “Imagine Until You Have It”
Due to the influence of the society we live in, it can be difficult to break away from the traditional view of love and relationships. To achieve this change, the author advises to use the imagination.
According to this strategy, the person can imagine a situation in which they act and react as they wish, And not as the rules dictate. This will greatly facilitate its application in real life.
Another option is to seek the support of others with the same ideas or in the same situation who facilitate this change or transition.
7. “Confidence helps”
The person determined to integrate into relational anarchism must accept the idea that the people around him that he loves and have no intention of harming him. If the person adopts a position of trust, instead of suspicion, doubt or suspicion, they will be able to maintain completely free relationships in which it will be much easier for them to let go of another person if they want to.
8. “We change through communication”
In order to achieve all of the above, communication between people who form a bond must be constant and sincere. Real relationships should revolve around communication, not talking about feelings only when problems arise.
9. “We design engagements to be our size”
Finally, relational anarchy does not imply the suppression of commitment, quite the contrary. It is based on the fact that in each link between people, it is specified what commitment there is between the two.
This stream understands that there are different forms of engagement that don’t necessarily have to be incompatible with certain behaviors or feelings, and encourages people to explicitly express the type of engagement desired with others.