Relationships: “Neither with you, nor without you”

What is it and why is it allowed?

If at some point in your life you’ve found yourself trapped in a toxic-type relationship that doesn’t quite make you happy, but you can’t get out of it either, this article will help you.

That person you fell in love with, who comes and goes, who is sometimes interested in you but sometimes disappears without explanation, or who calls you when you least expect them but isn’t there when you need them. , is a type of person you should stay away from, it’s crazy love that will damage your dignity and self-esteem without you even realizing it. It’s a relationship that consumes your energy, your positivity and your mood.

It can destroy your sanity and it is necessary to set limits and break free from it as soon as possible.

    How to detect this situation?

    You must detect if you are in a relationship based on “with you or without you”, on interest and selfishness, a relationship in which, despite having pleasant feelings towards this person, you cannot feel Well, we don’t have fun, we don’t feel loved, and we don’t feel like we receive the same as we give. Here are some clues that can help you detect if you are living in such a relationship:

    • Sometimes he’s looking for you, but sometimes he’s not there or doesn’t answer.
    • When you walk away, surprisingly, that’s when you get their attention the most.
    • He may show interest in your life, but the next day he doesn’t ask how you are doing.
    • He’s always available when he feels like the center of attention or needs something from you to feed his ego, otherwise you don’t hear from you.
    • He makes you wait on the phone until late. He often leaves you “seen” in conversations.
    • He never expresses his feelings clearly and avoids the subject if you try to talk to him about yours.
    • He has the ability to make you feel guilty or make you think you’re overloading him with your behavior.
    • You don’t feel valued. You may feel used.
    • You are desperately looking for a way to surprise this person, to please them, to do everything to keep them by your side.
    • You are afraid to say how you feel or what you think lest it will cause him to distance himself.
    • Sometimes you end up feeling bad about yourself for allowing certain situations. You feel anger towards yourself.

      And we ask ourselves ‘Why am I allowing this?’

      Behind this question, there can be thousands of answers, but the most frequent are usually the fear of abandonment, low self-esteem and a life trajectory that, due to certain circumstances, leads us to affective dependence in our interpersonal relationships, as well as low self-esteem. In love, it is necessary to assume that there are times when you have to lose, or even win as you see it, because perhaps you are getting rid of a person who is not suitable for you.

      What is clear is that The fear of abandonment drives us to look for any excuse to continue with this person. and putting up with things that we know hurt us and don’t want to see. Self-deception sometimes makes us angry because it makes us wonder what we are doing and why. Hope is the first thing that, in this case, we must lose, because if we do, we will stop feeding the fantasy of being able to change things, to transform them into what we want. It prevents us from seeing reality objectively and prevents us from continuing to allow a situation that is totally detrimental to us.

        Why do these people behave like this?

        This is an easy type of question to ask, but the answer is somewhat complex and difficult to get right.because many factors come into play.

        People who “don’t eat or let you eat”, want your attention when they need it, but without any kind of commitment, because they get something nice from you, either through your words and your treatment or even sex that they can keep with you Either way you feed them ego and self-perception and that’s the only thing they crave without worrying about nothing else, they are selfish and like to be.

        In this type of behavior or need, it would seem logical to think that when you stop offering them what they want, they are looking for it because they miss it, but make no mistake, because it is not you. or your person they want, but what you give him If he really loved you, and knowing how you feel, he would distance himself from you so as not to hurt you or continue to cling to the idea of having a relationship, which he would never be willing to offer you. .

          How to get out of such a relationship?

          keep in mind these guidelines:

          • Cut off all kind of relationship with this person.
          • Focus on working on your routine and your social and family environment. Make plans that make you feel good and help you disconnect and have fun.
          • Eliminate conversations or audio notes that you turn to over and over again when you think of that person. It will only serve you to keep present an illusion and a hope that will self-destruct.
          • Stop monitoring your movements via third parties or your social networks.
          • Make no mistake, try to imagine the situation you are experiencing in another person and think about what you would say or advise them. Listen, you will be surprised!
          • Go see your psychologist to help you work on the behaviors that led you to allow this type of relationship. It is important that you work on yourself.

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