Sex with friends strengthens friendship

The possibility of having sex with a friend it’s still a problem taboo. Our culture seems to teach based on clichés forged on the big screen: sex with friends ruins friendship.

Intimate relationships between friends: a utopia?

But is this true or is it just a simple invention? Are we used to drawing too rigid a line between friendship and sex?

A few months ago, we were wondering if there can no longer be friendship between a man and a woman. Today we ask the question backwards: What happens when two friends have sex?

Science defends the importance of maintaining relationships with friends

Several studies claim that having a night of passionate sex with a friend is not only harmful, but could strengthen the relationship. Therefore, we no longer always have to weigh and choose between one thing or another.

The thinking that most people generally do in this regard is that once a sexual relationship has been maintained with a friend, the relationship always ends up damaged because one of the two ends up falling in love with the other and therefore things are happening on a different level.


An in-depth study conducted at Boise State University confirmed that the widespread thinking is wrong and that having sex between friends is indeed capable of improving the relationship, at least in most of the cases analyzed.

300 people were interviewed, and more than 75% admitted to having sex with a friend had decided on their friendship. Similarly, 20% admitted that at some point in their life they had had sex with a close friend and that, far from spoiling the friendship, the intimate contact made them more united as a ‘friends.

It seems that more and more people are willing to have sporadic sexual contact with a friend without having to confuse the feelings or thus undermine the foundations of friendship.

Couples who start with a simple friendship tend to last longer.

Another finding of the study is that 50% of respondents who had a partner and started their current relationship from a simple friendship, still remained united with their partner. In other words: people who start out as friends and then become boyfriends are more likely to last longer.

This may be because the level of trust and understanding is higher in these cases than in people who quickly met and matched without having crossed the friendship stage.

Some tips on sex and friendship

Nonetheless, researchers have come to some conclusions about the practice of mixing friendship and sex. There are several things that those who have in mind to continue a “rubbed” friendship should be aware of.

First, they must know the other person well and specify in advance what to expect, So as not to lead to unrealistic expectations that could end up hurting someone. Second, favor friendship over intimate relationships if these can have negative consequences for one of the two. One of the main drawbacks of having an affair with a friend is precisely that we may be paving the way for a potentially toxic friendship. So you have to be careful and try to do things right.

While culturally the idea that friends can have sex without one of them being hurt by the experience is not widely accepted, this research we explained sheds light on how quickly our way of telling it is changing, and so is our conception. good and bad.

What is your opinion? Have you had a relationship with a friend? What happened? You can leave us a comment below or discuss it with us on our social media. We are waiting for you!

Bibliographical references:

  • Affifi, W. and Faulkner, S. (2000). Being “friends only”: the frequency and impact of sexual activity on gender friendship. Journal of Social and Personal Relations, 17 (2), 205-222.

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