Sexual assertiveness: 3 keys to a full married life

One of the most important skills for enjoying an optimal sex life is sexual assertiveness.. This ability allows us to clearly communicate to our sexual partner what we want and what we want when we have relationships.

We tell you exactly what it is, what health benefits are obtained through its acquisition, and how it breaks with the rigidity of gender roles, especially for women.

What is sexual affirmation?

It is the skill, or rather the set of skills, that allows us to share with our partner what our desires are.. Not only that, but it also includes the ability to say “no”, to reject activities that we don’t like.

Sexual assertiveness is generally said to consist of five main skills: knowing how to initiate desired sex, knowing how to reject unwanted sex, communicating what satisfies us sexually, sharing our sexual history, asking questions about our partner and insist on the use of contraceptives. .

1. Build relationships and communicate needs confidently

Sexual assertiveness is essential for sexual satisfaction. Many people feel uncomfortable telling their partner what they like in bed. In addition, many people feel uncomfortable during sex. There is no crime in telling that person we are having sex with what the best way to get energized is, and there is no crime in letting them know we want to have sex, still without insisting that she does not want it. at.

It is natural for the person who is most eager to start sexual activity if they are pampered: it is very frustrating to have a lot of sexual appetite and to wait impatiently for the other to start embarrassed. This is why it will be necessary to work on sexual communication, to normalize the fact of talking about sex outside and inside the bed, to get used to asking and meeting the needs of the other. The truth is that almost all sexual partners respond positively when their preferences are communicated.

By mastering this assertiveness, we will enjoy our relationships more and reach orgasm more often. It is normal to find a higher rate of anorgasmia in women who do not communicate their sexual needs to their partner.

2. Reject unwanted sex

Many people, either because they are sorry or because they cannot say no, they end up having sex that they don’t want. It happens outside the couple, in situations where one person insists too much and the other ends up giving in, but also inside the couple. Especially in this context, there are some people who mistakenly believe that being in a relationship you should always be ready to have a relationship.

The truth is, like with food, we don’t always have a craving for sex. Maybe we just want to have a good time with our partner without going into penetrating sex, or maybe we’re just not in the mood. It is as important to say no to insistence as it is to do so with seriousness and respect. We need to communicate to the other that we don’t want to have sex in a holistic way, but without apologizing.

3. Sexual history and insistence on contraceptives

Shame or the fear of offending are barriers that prevent many couples from communicating their sexual history.. Although this is a fundamental pillar of health, it can be difficult to ask the other person if they have had unprotected sex with other people or if they have a sexually illness. transmissible. Again, it is important to communicate our doubts about diplomacy, keeping in mind that it is always worth protecting yourself even if the other person may feel a little uncomfortable for a few minutes. .

Speaking of protection, one of the most studied questions in sexual assertiveness arises: the use of contraceptives. Adolescents and young adults are the population most prone to unprotected sexThat is why it is essential to teach future generations how to confidently insist on contraceptive use.

Of course, the ideal is for the man himself to take the initiative in using a condom, but girls should be prepared for the possibility of resistance to wearing it. As with the rejection of unwanted relationships, a clear refusal to maintain unprotected sex without fear that the other might feel offended should be communicated. Again, the health is more important than the discomfort of the situation.

Assertiveness in the couple and gender roles

In addition to the health benefits, the acquisition of skills of sexual assertiveness breaks with the rigidity of gender roles, the expectations that come from them and the harmful beliefs that they generate.

Traditionally, it is the man who has sought sex, who has courted, who has the desire for sex and therefore should always start sex. The woman has been relegated to a passive and receptive role, unable to feel the same sexual desire, orgasm is optional and she has to wait patiently to be seduced and have sex.

To put an end to this sexist belief system, it is essential to teach girls, from an early age, that they have the same voice in sex as a man. That they should play an active role and take responsibility for their sexuality and satisfaction through assertive communication in their interpersonal relationships. That if they don’t want to have sex is not synonymous with frosty or close, because sex is a reciprocal thing and it doesn’t make sense to have sex if only one of them wish.

Sexual assertiveness allows women to regain control over their own sexuality, forcefully ending situations of coercion and sexual pressure, while allowing men to shake off the male stereotype who is always sexually hungry. It’s perfectly normal for men not to want to have sex, not to be the one who started it, and even to communicate sexual preferences that can be interpreted as unmanly.

Thus, the benefits of sexual assertiveness do not stop at improving sexual and psychological health and avoiding risky behavior, but facilitate social progress in the direction of gender equality and the break with the heteropatriarchy.

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