One of the most intense searches of the human being is the search for a partner. This challenge, however well-meaning, is sometimes issued out of chaos and not out of the peace and pleasure of sharing life with someone else.
The biggest mistake lies in the initial concept of the research, when we think from the illusion, but not from the reality that a couple implies. This can also be seen through the most frequent reasons for consultation in couples therapy.
What are the 5 most frequent reasons to consult a couple?
those reasons that most often lead the couple to consult are:
- Infidelity, jealousy, mistrust.
Sexuality, dissatisfaction, fantasies.
- Communication, complaints, claims.
- Families gathered
These reasons lead to the emotional connection with certain situations of chaos and crisis which, if not resolved in time, could worsen and develop excessively.
This is a topic that is widely heard, generating mistrust, controlling and serious crises in the relationship.
Sometimes when this happens there are couples who can work through it and elaborate on what happened and grow with the situation, other times when this situation happens it triggers so much emotional mess in the two that it ends in a separation.
In some couples, sex is affected due to certain factors hidden symptoms, thus giving rise to problems of sexuality; It is very common to observe unresolved emotional turmoil that manifests during intimate encounters, such as; anxieties, anxieties, abuse, abandonment, etc.
It is an important factor for the couple to work; when he fails, he hears himself in the bond of demands, complaints and determined anger.
The non-existent dialogue and the absence of assertive communication between the members of a relationship is an obstacle when it comes to recording the speech of the one who tries to express it.
Another issue of influence in the effective relationship is money, as many couples with different primary patterns cannot organize and make new deals over this issue. This is how the most intense crises appear that they leave love in the background, becoming the protagonist of the trial which, in various cases, leads to legal situations.
5. Families combined
The bonds go through a process of adaptation in the union, having to learn to live with the children who accompany the chosen person.
How to build a couple from light and not from shadow?
Although these topics are the most common at the time of consultation, there are others that may be related.
It is important to think that an affective bond like a couple is established on several occasions from the shadow of each of the members, with the models of the primary family which have established a psychic structure for each member. From this place it will be necessary to review the life story of each to heal as an individual stop projecting onto the couple what is his.
At birth, the being goes through the “wound of separation” with his mother with the cutting of the umbilical cord, leaving a comfortable and safe space to begin to feel the world that awaits him. In this detachment, the deficiencies and faults that will begin to be significant begin to look outside for what existed in his little world.
This is the beginning of certain problems related to these deficiencies: feelings of lack of protection, fears, insecurities, emptiness, needs to be cared for and protected… These feelings, in the first place, will be a request towards the parents. , and later in adult life, if not reviewed and resolved, it will be projected in the couple.
Projection as a defense mechanism will be deposited in the subject chosen as a partner; it is equivalent to choosing among this fault which has not been healed. There, complaints, reproaches, controls and requests for change are generated with the other in order to feel good about themselves, to try to cover this need, here one of the main conflicts of the romantic relationship.
This search and this choice are made from an unconscious place.from the unknown, from the shadows and when exhaustion and conflict are generated, it is the crisis that is exposed, appearing the separations and subsequent searches for the cycle to start again in other equal faces and scenarios, with the same girl / or injured on the spot
He is wanted in bonding life to cover the emotional orphanage that accompanies him from birth, being precisely in the wrong place, since said wound can only be healed with very deep and proper work, understanding that to be able to share life with someone else, there is first of all being able to learn to be alone, to learn to dive to discover what and who lives in this unknown interior.
Relationships show those things that are not seen in each, hence the concept of projection, I am disgusted and angry by things in the other that I cannot see in myself, being easier to find with my partner.
The couples will be the extensions of the primary family by similarity or difference, the parents or trainers being the first models to visualize.
What makes you angry about a relationship will point to unresolved issues within you that need to be reviewed, worked through in order to be healed.
When two people come together after healing each other, the path will be simply wonderful.