One thing we know from experience is that relationships aren’t so much about finding the right person as it is about learning how to build healthy relationships with whoever wants us. It is unrealistic to think that these celebrations that work are those made up of lovers who fit in in all aspects (the half-orange myth); what is really happening is that their habits strengthen this emotional bond every day.
It’s not about the essence of everyone, but how we interact. For example, even the most intense love is extinguished if it is not communicated and if coexistence does not serve to express this affection.
It all depends on our actions, not on our identity. But … What are these habits that define strong couples? Let’s see in the following lines.
From platonic love to true love
What we need to do to lead a smooth and easy married life is do not confuse our partner with this platonic love with which we have been fantasizing for years (Several times, even since childhood). Being clear about this and avoiding essentialisms is the first step in building a relationship that is worthwhile. After all, using someone as a representation of something we want to love even though it doesn’t exist hurts both of us.
It seems very obvious if you look at it in writing, but in real life it is more difficult to discern those situations in which you fall into this error. For example, wanting to date preferably with people who have very specific physical traits is an example of platonic love in a weak version: we love the idea of dating someone with dreadlocks so much that we even use it. as a filtering mechanism.
However, once you understand that the important thing is in the actions and not in the labels, there is still work to be done. What is missing, in fact, is the most important: knowing what are these habits that strengthen relationships. Sometimes these habits will already appear naturally in some relationships, while in others, efforts must be made to implement them.
Strong couple habits
To maximize the chances of developing a relationship and at the same time allow it to take root deeply, it can be helpful if you follow the guidelines you’ll see below.
1. Symmetry in conversations
For a relationship to go well, we need to talk regularly, as this offers the possibility of showing the window of the other’s thoughts and, ultimately, knowing in real time their opinions, fears and hopes, and better. showing empathy. However, this dialogue must be symmetrical. In other words, that is to say it’s not just about talking or listening, you have to do both.
Clearly, the exact match does not exist, and there will always be one person more likely to speak than the other; the important thing is to avoid situations in which the role of one of the members of the couple is reduced to the passive listener, a simple way to let off steam.
2. Don’t give up on social life
Forgetting about old friends when you have a partner is common, but that doesn’t mean it’s positive. Going out and having fun in circles of lifelong friendship is a perfect way to enrich relationships, as it allows us to know facets of the person we love that have not been revealed in the context of court or marriage.
On the other hand, getting closer on a relationship is also not positive, as it facilitates the creation of mutual dependence: as the two people have severed the bonds between them and their friends, the fear that the relationship can end can take control. of the situation, because in this case it is would be in a situation of social isolation.
3. Express your love
This is basic. There are people who, because of the way they learn to behave or the culture in which they have lived most of their life, they tend to avoid expressing what they are feeling.
In these cases, it is common for them to justify this position by thinking that the important thing is that love is something which is carried within and which is not taught, as this would be considered trite. However, this is a mistake, because the other person does not have access to these “depths” of the mind of the being they love, no matter how much they love.
4. Constantly practice mutual respect
Another of the habits of strong and consolidated relationships is to act accordingly with the level of respect that one feels for the other; neither humor nor “games” justify, for example, the habit of always making jokes about the other person, or making fun of the way they express their emotions.
Relationships must be a context in which power communicate emotions and feelings without fear of being judgedAnd while these may disguise themselves as “jokes” or crude honesty, that does not detract from the fact that in practice they serve as a lesson.
5. Air change
All of the above is useless if the body asks to break away from the monotony and being with someone anchors us in the same place. Although we decide to sacrifice this possibility to keep the relationship going on its usual channels, in the end the frustration can boil over.
This is why it is healthy to assume that a relationship is not the usual place where two people interact; it is the interaction itself, wherever it takes place. Dismissing the myth that married life consists of having a house, a car, a dog and children (as if they were part of a landscape) is the first step; the second is have adventures together from time to time and, above all, move.
6. Distribute household chores
This detail seems trivial compared to the rest, but it is not. The belief in the equality of the members of the couple is demonstrated by betting on an equal distribution of household chores, Which, in the case of heterosexual relationships, usually consist of the woman who takes care of most of them.