Infidelities are one of the most common problems for a partner, to the point that it is estimated that almost half of all courtship and / or marriages have been affected by unfaithful behavior at some point in the relationship.
With this in mind, it is not surprising that infidelity fits are also one of the most common grounds for consultation in which people go to couples therapy, participating in a process in which, through the participation of a psychologist, you can overcome this shock. and making sure that the relationship continues to move forward after a stage of repair, or that there is a break up on the friendliest possible terms if that is the only way out.
But beyond the tasks and processes that communication takes place in consulting the psychologist, there are also a number of general guidelines and tips to keep in mind when dealing with infidelity from the start and that they generally help to deal with it in the most constructive way possible. In this article, we will see what they are.
The main steps to overcome infidelity in a relationship
If you have been affected or affected by a case of infidelity on the part of your partner, consider the following guidelines for dealing with and overcoming the emotional crisis triggered by this fact.
1. First of all, focus on yourself
Since you are the person who has been directly hurt by infidelity, you need to be clear from the start that your priority should be finding out what works for you..
From this initial question, you will position yourself according to whether you think it is worth giving new opportunities to the relationship, or if it is over. Even if you go for the second option, it may seem like a challenge to turn desires into action and communicate that you are cutting off with that court or marriage, and in this case, your handling of infidelity will be dealing with your fears and knowing how to express yourself without letting outside pressure get you to suppress yourself.
2. Assume your dominant role in communication
An infidelity is basically a breakdown of the basic consensus on which the relationship was based. Therefore, if you have suffered infidelity, as a victim you have a role to play in deciding what will happen with this courtship or marriage. If this leadership role is not reflected in the way you communicate (for example, if your partner is offended that they do not have an equal position in deciding what to do to overcome infidelity), this indicates that there is a problem.
So, adopt a communicative attitude based on assertiveness: you must be able to say everything you feel and think about what happened, and openly state your terms if you think the relationship can continue but with new ones. conditions.
3. Don’t let them take responsibility for what happened
One thing is explore the possible causes that led the other person to commit infidelity, and another is to give it a chance to try to get you out of “some of the blame.” As the victim of infidelity, you are not to blame.
4. If you plan to break, lift it straight up; if you need time too
It is perfectly legitimate not to have clear ideas at the same time; the important thing is honesty about it. In any case, if you are clear that you want to break up, it must be clear, and if you are not clear but need time to mature the decision, explain it clearly as well, but in this case it is important to clarify if the rules of fidelity that applied to the relationship are still valid or not (otherwise the idea that a temporary break can occur is pending).
5. If you want to give the relationship another chance, make sure a repair is done.
It is not enough for the other person to apologize. And this is not for any other reason than morality.
If you do not show that you are interested in keeping this yard or marriage by making an effort and repairing the damage done, you will not have a guarantee that really shows the commitment. And since engagement is what breaks infidelity, it’s important that it’s fixed with actions and not just words, so that if you do decide to give it another chance, you won’t. to suffer, moreover, fears and constant feelings of insecurity for not enough for the other person.
6. Attend couples therapy
If you choose to continue the relationship, it is essential to go to couples therapy anyway.. This type of psychological intervention is specially designed so that both of you can express yourself, you can address possible issues that wear out coexistence, activities together, the couple’s vision for the future, or communication, and more. again. And of course, infidelity attacks are among the most common causes of discomfort in couples therapy.
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I am a psychologist specializing in intervention through the cognitive-behavioral model, and I work both in person in my practice in Madrid and online by video call.
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