Love and addiction are not synonymousCertainly not. The world of human emotions and relationships can be confusing and difficult to study, but the truth is that there are many differences between these two elements that allow us to distinguish between the two. And always lucky, because the consequences of confusing them can be very negative.
Unfortunately, the myths about affection and relationships make it clear that not everyone is clear. the differences between emotional addiction and love. Many times, simply believing in a stereotype of what the perfect romantic relationship should be makes us as locked in as the concepts we use to think about affection and bonding.
Distinguish between addiction and love
To love and to depend are not, and cannot be, the same. This is why there are many differences between love and emotional addiction. Here you can find the main ones.
1. Contact tracing Vs. Avoiding loneliness
To emotional addiction, all that the relationship brings to us it is posed in a negative direction, Whereas with love, the opposite happens. This means that in the first case the contact with the other person is a tool to make the discomfort disappear, while the love of the company and the presence of the other is something that produces well-being.
In other words, loving being with someone brings a positive value, whereas in the case of emotional dependence it is seen as a resource to avoid someone’s absence, and therefore seeks to eliminate one thing. negative.
2. Live the experience vs. Have tools
Most of the good that a romantic relationship gives us has to do with the subjective value of the experience of being with someone. In other words, we cannot explain in words which aspects of our life are enhanced by the presence of someone we love.
However, with addiction the opposite happens. Here, when we think of the relationship we tend to identify very specific aspects of our life in which the presence of the other is noticed. For example, the possibility of accessing a group of friends, the fact of no longer having to live in the parents’ house, etc. Either way, the relationship is seen as a sum of these options to improve our lives, and not as something that goes far beyond this union of benefits.
3. Ability to negotiate vs. Blind faith in the relationship
In love, it is clear that if to maintain a stable relationship certain sacrifices must be made, they must be reasonable and it is perfectly legitimate to wonder about their limits.
The difference this aspect makes in terms of dependency is that in this second limits are not even questioned out of sheer fear. Here, the relationship is not seen as a dynamic thing that can be tailored to suit the needs of both, but rather as a set of rigid rules to fit into. This increases addiction, because the possibility of damaging the relationship with any small detail makes it constantly neat.
4. Wellness Care Vs. Beware of Obsessions
In love, what matters is the well-being of the people involved, and the relationship is only the means by which the fit occurs between people who enjoy mutual contact.
In case of addiction, however, attention is directed to the idea of the relationship itself, Which is almost always made up of stereotypes and rituals that must be repeated over and over again. In other words, the relationship is used as a way to give it a predictable and stable structure in everyday life.
5. Want this person vs. You want what this person gives us
In love, the target of all the positive emotions we experience in the relationship is always the person for whom we feel this strong emotional connection.
On the contrary, in situations of dependence, what is valued are all these changes that the possibility of getting closer to this person has introduced into our lives.
6. Flexibility vs. fixed hours
In love, the freedom of each person involved is something that goes without saying. This means that, by default, it is assumed that anyone can do whatever they want, and exceptions must be foreseen and justified.
In addiction, what is taken for granted is a certain routine, So that any transgression of these customs produces discomfort.
This is why one of the main differences between love and addiction is that the latter can be metaphorically compared to an addiction, as it consumes a large part of the time and the greatest emotional impact it causes is discomfort generated in the leave schedules.
7. Improved low self-esteem
Love doesn’t have to improve our self-esteem, but addiction makes it worse. The reason is that by constantly perceiving a sense of vulnerability, selfish concerns (such as the other person being a few minutes late when they get home) feed the idea that nothing can be done to avoid it. discomfort.