Sometimes it seems like relationships take a lot of work and get horribly complicated. But if you stop to think about it, you realize that having a healthy relationship is very easy as long as both members of the couple are able to put aside their own insecurities and bad experiences from the past.
In relationships, this is where the affective impairments and the irrational beliefs that each of the peoples has acquired throughout its life. Inappropriate patterns learned in childhood are reproduced and one often acts in a biased way of seeing the world.
A culture that does not promote healthy romantic relationships
From my point of view, the society we live in does not specifically promote healthy relationships. Songs, Disney movies, television series and romantic novels show us a conception of love that is not real and promote a number of beliefs about relationships that couples they do not help to maintain them over time in a satisfying manner.
In this article I want to talk about the keys to having a healthy relationship, Keys so that two people, each with their own personality, their experiences and their way of seeing life, can bring something to each other for a long time (sometimes all their life).
What are the 7 keys to maintaining a healthy relationship?
If I had to say just one indicator for whether a relationship should continue, it would be this: Does your relationship add to you or subtract you? Does it help you to be better and develop yourself as a person? Or on the contrary does it limit you and is it more a source of discomfort than of positive emotions?
1. Always love freedom
The love of freedom, Means to be clear that the other is not yoursThat the other is a person who freely decides to have a relationship with you and is therefore free to leave at any time. Loving freedom means accepting that the other has the right to make the decisions he wants and to choose what he wants to do with his life.
It means that everyone must have their own private space, their own privacy. Loving freedom means that we want to share our life with others, but we don’t need it. It means accepting that we are two different people and not a group of two against one, it means putting aside our insecurities and bringing the other to be with us because he wants it and not by manipulations that prevent him from find another better person. This means that our partner knows thousands of people but still prefers us.
2. Learn to communicate
Good communication is one of the fundamental pillars of the couple because dialogue is what allows you to create a life project together, Where it is very important to negotiate, give in and make agreements.
Good communication can make discussions constructive and unite the couple more and more, rather than pulling them apart and creating resentment. Also, reserving a daily space to talk to our partner about anything is a great habit that will help strengthen and maintain a satisfying relationship.
The area where the most problems lead to inadequate communication is in discussions. You can learn to discuss constructively, in which we bring our point of view with respect and explain how we feel, without having to go into a vicious circle of reproaches and accusations in which we most likely end up arguing over something that happened years ago, leaving out the topic that sparked the discussion.
I leave you with some guidelines for learning to discuss constructively:
- Discuss only one topic at a time.
- Talk about how you feel, don’t blame the other.
- Avoid generalizations (always, never, everything, nothing) and talk about a specific fact.
- Use a friendly tone and avoid discussing an issue when your anger level is very high.
- Ask what you want, specify the change (eg I wish the next time we went to my mom’s house before lunch and not mid-afternoon).
- Don’t blame the other person and ignore if they attack you or change the subject. (For example: we can talk about this subject if you want at another time, now I’m trying to tell you that …).
- End the review with something good (eg thank you for listening to me and hope this issue is resolved because I like to agree with you).
- Practice assertive communication.
I know doing this is really tricky, and this Sometimes what you feel is calling your partner and throwing things around the houseBut I assure you that if you take a deep breath, wait for your activation level to drop, and speak and use these guidelines, you will get much better results.
3. Learn to think green
Each person has had different experiences and different learning backgrounds, so they have a different personality and you see the world differently from you.
If you put on blue glasses and you wonder what color you see the world in, you will answer me this blue Oi? And no matter how much I try to prove to you that it is yellow and that you can’t see it correctly, it will be impossible for you to give me the reason because your world is really blue.
Our learning story makes us see the world in one color or another, and for us the world will simply be that color because we see it that way. The problem is when for one of the members of the couple the world is blue and for the other it is yellow, it’s time to think green.
You don’t always have to agree on what your partner thinks, I think we are too obsessed with being right when the ultimate goal is to resolve the conflict.
When you detect that the two of you have completely different points of view, instead of continuing to pretend you’re right and getting away with it, offers intermediate solutions that integrate both points of view. Neither blue nor yellow, Green!
4. Share quality time with your partner
share quality time with your partner is a key element so that the relationship does not end up falling into a routine. I understand that sometimes we have a very busy life and live it practically on autopilot without realizing what is going on around us, but setting aside some time to share it with your partner should be among your priorities if your goal is to maintain a healthy relationship.
Go out for dinner one day, a weekend, your favorite popcorn movie, etc …
5. Never stop caring about the relationship
At the start of relationships, we usually show ourselves to be our best, we are retailers, we call them fulls, etc. over time, these gestures tend to decrease until they sometimes disappear. Relationships are like plants, if not watering them, die. So if you want to keep your relationship fresh and colorful, never stop watering it.
Something as simple as telling the other one how beautiful he is today, giving him flowers, inviting him to dinner, taking him to where you met, etc. . can maintain the relationship for a long time in excellent condition.
6. When you want the other to change, you change
I think we spent too much time try to change people, most of the time without getting any results. People only change when they want to change or when their environment changes.
So if what we want is for our partner to change, the best we can do is change us.
If we want that he stops going out with his friends so much, it will surely work better to thank him for the days he stays with you all afternoon than to scold him every time he goes out, if we want to make it happen. is he more affectionate by affection?
7. Respect and trust
Without respect and trust, there is no possibility of a healthy partner. To love is to respect and trust, And without respect and trust, there is simply no love.
Relationships built on jealousy and disrespect are doomed to failure. Not to mention cases of infidelity in marriage.
In summary, if we could add a few more points, from my perspective, these are the seven key points for a relationship to work in the long term and be satisfactory for both members of the couple.