The 9 psychological keys to a friendly separation

Relationship break-ups tend to affect the people involved very negatively, and sometimes even more people, especially if there are young children in between.

In situations like this, it is relatively common for feelings of discomfort, disappointment and frustration to arise; and in the most serious cases, blame or disrespect often leads to a separation which can become truly traumatic.

However, separation is not synonymous with hostility and discomfort. too much it can happen that the two people put on their side to make the separation amicable. Let’s see what are the characteristics of the process.

    What are the main keys to a friendly separation?

    There are many causes and triggers that can cause a breakup on bad terms, but luckily there are a number of recommendations that are very helpful in preventing the emergence of these bad communication dynamics, so that it is possible to go through a separation process in a friendly and mutually satisfactory manner (provided that this relationship has not given rise to cases of abuse or mistreatment of any kind, and in this case one should not aspire to be “in tune with the other” but favor seeking protection for the victim).

    If you want to know the main guidelines that can help us endure a separation in a friendly manner, read on.

    1 respect

    Maintaining a respectful behavior is an essential requirement in any social interaction, and especially in the domain of the couple, once the relationship is over.

    After a relationship wears down, you can get to the point where you lose respect for the other person, which often results in insults, personal disqualifications, and all kinds of aggressive behavior that doesn’t promote a friendly breakup in any way. . .

    This is why, even though we may feel very hurt by the other person and for many reasons that we think we have, it is advisable to always keep a respectful attitude towards our ex-spouse in order to facilitate and accelerate the process of separation or divorce.

    This desire for mutual respect becomes even more necessary in the event that the couple can have children together.

      2. Agreement

      Mutual agreement is another essential feature of any amicable separation and is an unequivocal sign that both members of the couple they want to go through this process in the best possible way for both.

      Agreement, positive negotiation, being ready to give in when necessary are essential elements in solving essential problems during the breakdown such as the distribution of goods and in general any other economic problem which must be solved at the end of the relationship.

      It is clear that a positive attitude towards understanding and collaboration helps to create a climate of greater well-being that has a positive impact on both members of the couple, as well as on other family members, friends. and even the children they may have.

        3. Focus on the future

        In relationships that have gone through an amicable separation process, it is common that both members are ready to turn the page and look to the future, focusing on the new stage in which they find themselves.

        In contrast, couples who have not ended their relationship on good terms tend to stagnate in the past, focusing on the negative feelings and discomfort generated by the breakup.

        On top of that, it’s also common for one or both of the couple to continually blame focused on past insults, adding more pain to the already dire situation of breakup.

        To overcome this situation, one should not reinforce the idea that the relationship has failed and focus on a hopeful future based on stimulating and positive teachings and experiences that we have gone through during this period of courtship or marriage.

          4. Fluid communication

          Being able to get back together and chat amicably without confrontations or discussions about the past is one of the unequivocal signs that the breakup between two people has been amicable. We must try to maintain fluid communication which is either hampered by the fear that the other person will harm us or attack us..

          Another essential characteristic of a successful breakup is the ability to conduct conversations formally and informally, without changing their flow.

            5. A sense of humor

            Having a sense of humor and being able to joke even in the most difficult situations that one can go through throughout his life is a sign of good management of emotions and the ability to overcome the “tragic” perspective. ” facts.

            The ability to joke about the current situation after breaking up with another person or even amicably remember past episodes during the relationship. indicates that the rupture was settled on good terms or that it goes at least in this direction.

              6. An optimistic perspective on the ability to overcome the breakup

              It is normal to go through a phase of pain and discomfort at the start of a breakup; however, once this has been overcome, each member of the old relationship is able to continue your life with optimism and forget the bad times.

              Being aware of this capacity for resilience predisposes us not to enter into behavioral dynamics that lead us to nourish emotional pain and the constant search for “culprits” for this relationship: we must not transform the rest of our life into an extension. of the discomfort of this separation.

              7. Child protection

              In amicably separated couples, the risk of trauma in young children is lower than they might have, as their parents will always put their well-being above any personal dispute with their ex-spouse.

              There is no reason why two separated parents cannot get along after the relationship is over, and this is an example of very positive behavior with beneficial repercussions for the development of the little ones. ** Don’t Lose in terms of quality of life, moreover, this helps to create harmony between the people who separate, since they must continue to collaborate in this direction **.

                8. Sincerity about the reason for the breakup

                Some couples tend to blame each other when it comes to elucidating the reason for the breakup, taking full responsibility for the other person.

                Be aware of the share of responsibility that each has is a very healthy way to approach the transition process and not to leave any “lost parts” which arouse insecurities and anxieties in the face of uncertainty.

                9. Life change

                After a breakup, it’s common for one or both of its members to start making changes in their lives, which can be of various types and influence various areas of their day-to-day reality.

                These changes in habits or interests help to ease tensions and make the transition to this new stage of life more satisfying., so it’s easier to stop associating the ex with a strong sense of discomfort.

                Do you want to benefit from psychological support?

                If you are looking for psychological help in the form of individualized psychotherapy or couples therapy, do not hesitate to contact me.

                I am a General Health Psychologist federated by FEAP with more than 20 years of experience and I offer face-to-face and online sessions by video call.

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