The state of falling in love is a transitional stage where intense emotions appear towards the loved one, which gradually fade to give way to a period of emotional stability that strengthens the relationship.
From there, and if all goes well, the relationship is built under a strong bond of love, respect, intimacy and trust.
This phase of falling in love in which we are fascinated by the loved one and which sets in motion chemical mechanisms in our brain that involuntarily fill us with desire, euphoria and excitement, ceases to be healthy when added a strong need corresponded obsessively. This is where we talk about limerence.
What is limerence?
Limerence, as defined by psychologist Dorothy Tennov, is an involuntary interpersonal state that involves an acute desire for emotional reciprocity; obsessive-compulsive thoughts, feelings and behaviors, and emotional dependence on another person. We are talking about obsessive-compulsive disorder focused on the loved object.
10 keys to detect limerence
The 10 most important symptoms to consider that describe limerencia are:
1. Circular thoughts towards the loved object
Everything leads to the loved one. Every event, place or moment reminds us of our loved one and everything is focused on him. These are recurring thoughts of an obsessive kind, circling around each other with the intention of finding out and checking out if you want us to the same extent.
2. Fear of rejection
Excessive anxiety arises when one thinks about the possible rejection of the other, Even with physical manifestations of anxiety such as tachycardia, tremors, hyperventilation, dizziness, etc.
3. Compulsive behaviors
The obsessive fear of not being reciprocal results in compulsive controlling behaviorsHow to ask the other person directly about their feelings, or write messages using conversation topics to see their interest, compulsively asking others what they think about the relationship, etc.
4. Feeling of euphoria in the face of signs of attention, real or not
This can happen when falling in love normally, the difference is that reality is often disproportionately distorted in favor of, Trying to convince ourselves with every little detail, which is significant and which determines that the other belongs to us.
5. Constant fantasies of reuniting and recreating real encounters
Again, o the difference here with the normal phase of falling in love is its obsessive and almost constant nature. The person can spend hours fantasizing non-stop.
6. Lack of emotional control
The obsessive and therefore anxious state of limerancia, this inevitably led to distorted thoughts and emotional reactions of instability.
7. Intrusive thoughts about the other person
Thinking of the other is beyond our control, and the fear of rejection leads to negative thoughts about the feelings of the loved one, obsessive type, and that they influence emotional destabilization described in the previous point.
8. Idealization of the loved object
In falling in love, we all idealize each other, but in la limerancia the obsession with being loved by the other and the constant need to verify it, is disproportionate, not being able to hear criticism or assume the other has flaws. In this way, the distortion of the other can be exaggerated. This would be the case with Don Quixote and the Beautiful Dulcinea by Toboso.
9. Suicidal ideation when faced with the idea of non-correspondence
Anxiety about the possibility of not being loved, makes the person who suffers obsessively think that life is meaningless without this love, because it is the only important thing, the only thing that gives meaning to his life.
10. Anxiety and / or depression
Keeping an obsessive situation generates anxiety and bad moods which, over time, can lead to depression. Also, the fact focus all of our value almost exclusively on how the other sees us, And whether we are matched or not, considerably weakens self-esteem.
Limerence is different from falling in love because it tends to put before the construction of a relationship, the selfish desire to be loved. And this can be disabling, because the person who suffers from it can change their life around this beloved object, which prevents them from performing their tasks.
In relationships based on respect, intimacy, the pursuit of mutual interests and the pleasure of peers, falling in love is a fascinating time full of joy and satisfaction to share, which has nothing to do with limerence; Who are you staying with?
- Tennov, D. (1998): Love and Limerence: the experience of being in love;
- Salcedo, A. and Serra, I. (2011). Dependent loves. Pulling lo Blanch.