The scientific method that makes a stranger fall in love with you in 45 minutes

Researchers have been trying for decades to decipher love and how people feel attracted to each other. Much progress has been made lately in understanding this phenomenon, and as we explained in the article “What is love?” (And what is not) ”, defining this concept is extremely complicated.

One of the most curious studies in this regard is the performed by psychologist and philosopher Dr. Arthur Aron, Professor at Stony Brook University (New York), who has been studying love, friendship, intimacy for 40 years. This author considers that it is possible to fall in love with other people in just 45 minutes. In this article, we tell you about his findings.

    Arthur Aron’s ideas

    For most of us love is something that happens by magic, when you see a person and you feel a love forOr when you know someone deep and just connect, like souls fit together.

    But it may be necessary to want to fall in love and do our part to make it happen, and that fact prompted New York Times reporter Mandy Len Catron to write about Arthur Aron’s 1993 study.

    In his article “To fall in love with anyone, do this”, he explained how the American psychologist developed a questionnaire of 36 questions with which he said that it was possible to create such an intimacy between two individuals and that they could fall in love in as little as 45 minutes. Mandy realizes that she applied these questions, and that although she is over 20, she has worked with a guy she met at a bar.

      The study and its characteristics

      The New York journalist’s article explains how Arthur Aaron conducted his research, which featured a group of subjects who were to sit in pairs, face to face.

      The subjects were instructed to ask questions previously prepared by the researcher and, after that, subjects had to look in the eyes for 4 minutes. Apparently there were several couples who felt something special and, in fact, three got married.

      The journalist put it into practice

      Catron decided to test these questions to see if they were really effective or not. So when he met an interesting guy in a bar, he flooded him with questions, all of which belonged to the 36 question quiz, and 1 was asked after a as if it were a job interview. Logically, he asked the boy to look himself in the eye for 4 minutes after the questions were asked, to complete his own research.

      As he explains, and after completing the test, her degree of intimacy was such that she fell in love with the boy. Apparently the boy too.

      Questions to fall in love with someone

      True, many skeptics don’t believe it, but the researcher and journalist claim that there is a greater degree of intimacy after getting to know the other person in depth. These questions are divided into three sections, they gradually vary their privacy and they need more and more confidence to answer them.

      For example, the first question is “Who would you invite to dinner if you could pick someone?”, While the last one reads as follows: Share a personal problem with the other person and ask him to give you his opinion on how he would have acted. Ask him what you think about the problem you just told him. ”

      For Arthur Aaron, “one of the most important factors in these matters is self-disclosure. Disclosing things about oneself has to be done gradually, and it takes trust.” According to the researcher, “If you go too fast, the other person may feel shy and suspicious. But if you start with something that is not too personal and gradually start asking more and more questions. . Staff, the two interlocutors will feel at ease

      The famous Spanish program “El hormiguero” shared the sociological experience of Arthur Aaron. You can check it out in the video below.

      • If you want to know which are the famous questions of this study, you will find them in the article “The 40 infallible questions to fall in love with someone”

      The importance of keeping an eye on

      But the most effective of these questions and the supposed results of the study is to keep an eye on the other interlocutor for 4 minutes. According to the Mensalus Institute of Barcelona, ​​one of the best psychology clinics in Spain, these minutes are so revealing because they offer one-sided exclusivity, and it can be a powerful amplifier of the interaction. Outraged, it helps to deepen concepts that go beyond words“.

      For the professionals of this center, “the 4 minutes are essential to contemplate the other interlocutor in his fullness and to make a mutual recognition. These are not the classic questions and verbal answers, but they are realized from silence. It creates a connection, a total complicity ”.

      You can visualize the consequences of gaze in this study below.

      • Find out more: “Here’s what happens when you keep your eyes open for 4 minutes (social experiment)”

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