Romantic love can become a feeling that distracts attention, senses, and whatever options we choose to act between. If it is also an unrequited love, the consequences are even more negative; to these limitations of his own freedom is added a series of psychological phenomena which worsen the quality of life in general; the drop in self-esteem, the frustration and anxiety that accompany them, among others.
However, knowing what to do when unrequited love arises and handling the situation with emotional intelligence will help us come out of the experience not joyful, but strengthened. By following strategies that enhance resilience, it is possible to learn from these experiences by become stronger emotionally.
Let’s see what it is process of change by which unrequited love is overcome.
How to overcome unrequited love?
The first step before starting to work on strategies for breaking out of the vicious cycle of thoughts that produce anxiety and sadness is to be clear that in cases of unrequited love there are no culprits.
This is important because it is extremely simple that, even if we don’t realize it, we are looking for an excuse to express our anger at a specific goal. Translating this discomfort into an activity externalized to a target can cause tension to be released for a period of time, but of course harms others, And for that alone, it is worth being careful not to fall into this trap.
Specifically, the person who does not match us with their love is a habitual victim of this projection of anger and frustration, as the beliefs and thoughts related to the idea seem that we have a right to be loved by that person. in particular and therefore that person breaks some kind of pact that was never really sealed. Of course, this idea is absurd, however in the most emotional situations, the craziest premises may seem quite reasonable.
To avoid these cases, a good idea is to first imagine possible contexts or scenarios in which this person is (fictitiously) blamed, in order to think about what is most likely to happen. This way, if the first signs of gratuitous guilt appear, we will be able to identify them first and thus it will be easier for them not to repeat themselves.
1. Break with rumination
Much of the mission of defeating these negative feelings produced by unrequited love and rejection is to reduce general anxiety levels.
In practice, it is about ending rumination, which is the vicious cycle that our thoughts follow when there is something that causes us worry, anxiety, stress and / or fear. fear. This way, we will gain the ability to manage our focus of attention without constantly reverting to those ideas or memories that cause us discomfort.
To do this, it is necessary to adopt habits that one did not do before and, above all, to disconnect by walking and resting in noisy physical spaces; and the more natural they are, the better.
In fact, the idea is quite simple. Staying away from this person makes our brain less exposed to stimuli that make us think. This way, the activation dynamics of cerebral neurons he adapts to what it’s like to live without spending a lot of time having that person in mind. Consequently, in turn, as this organ “adapts” to this new reality, there are fewer and fewer episodes in which one is not surprised to think of it spontaneously, until ‘in the end it is almost completely part of our past.
To know more in detail how to end the rumination that produces unrequited love or any kind of stressful thinking in general, you can go to this article.
2. Get away from this person
Manage the feeling of discomfort generated by unrequited love and at the same time know how to act in the presence of the person who does not love us as we wanted it may become too complex to deal with at the same time, At least during the early stages of overtaking.
Therefore, if we are to overcome unrequited love, the ideal is to stay away from this person (if necessary, by explaining -), so that we can focus only on what is happening to us.
Perhaps this idea can generate a feeling of guilt, but it is important to keep in mind that the person who experiences unrequited love is usually more hurt than the otherThus, a moment to worry about one’s own problems is fully justified.
3. Cognitive restructuring
This part of dealing with romantic frustration is usually done in therapy and with the help of someone specializing in psychology and with the right certificates.
The idea is that the patient and the therapist work together to discover the cognitive patterns by which beliefs, interpretations of memories, and abstract ideas are shared that make the experience of unrequited love so painful.
By changing the order and organization of these cognitive patterns, discomfort is reduced, Especially in terms of improving self-esteem and managing expectations. We tend to use cognitive patterns in this way in which the other person does not play an important role and is not part of the structure of our own identity.