What to do to overcome the lack of love?

Lack of love is a type of discomfort that affects or has affected many people, as the world of love, frequently leading to very intense feelings about how one feels about someone, can give way. room for disappointments on many occasions.

here we will see what lack of love is and how to overcome it from the point of view of psychology and emotional well-being, Through various tips.

    What is lack of love and how does it appear?

    Lack of love is the psychological phenomenon characterized by the emotional pain that appears when you experience the end of a love affair you are involved in. It’s an experience that often goes hand in hand with breaking up and separating, but it’s not always the case.

    On the one hand, it is not uncommon for people to stay in a relationship for years despite having suffered a disappointment in love and not following the other person for the love they feel for them, but for d other motivations. In such cases, even though these people know that they are no longer in a romantic relationship (at least not a relationship in which feelings are reciprocal), they come forward that makes the absence of love coexist with the presence of the lover. other person in their everyday life.

    On the other hand, you have to keep in mind that it is technically possible to suffer from lack of love without having started a love affair. This is what happens, for example, when someone is rejected by the one who has fallen in love.

    And this is it the important thing about lack of love is not so much that the love story we see drifting away from us has become real beyond our imaginationBut we have grown used to taking it for granted, integrating it into our daily life even without the active participation of those we love. In fact, it’s common for people after a ‘love at first sight’ to spend a lot of time fantasizing about what their life will be like together with those who have captivated them, which leads to excitement. Don’t make other plans for the future without that special someone.

    So, in many cases, lack of love is a similar experience to the psychological grieving that occurs when a loved one dies. However, unlike those who are missed by someone who is already dead, there are often many conflicting feelings that arise in lack of love, because seeing how the person we have fallen in love moves away from us can be resentful.

    Thus, in the lack of love, at least two mechanisms of discomfort usually appear: find the missing person, on the one hand, and have doubts about how we should feel for them, As we see it.

      The differential fact: affective ambivalence

      As we have seen, part of what makes lack of love a painful experience is the feeling of loss, the idea that day after day has lost one of its most important aspects, which is companionship. of the person we have reached. But one thing that also causes discomfort is indecision on how to relate to what we left behind: memories of that person.

      And it is that the lack of love forces us to make the decision to continue to perceive this person and our relationship the same way we did before the disappointment, or to rethink our position on what we have done until at that moment: what relationship did we aspire to? Have we been reasonable in setting our expectations? Was this relationship a little genuine or a mirage that only happened in our heads? Is the other person as precious and special as we thought?

      These questions and many others give rise to reconsider both who we fall in love with and how they came into our lives, And in many cases, this awkward process leads to a very critical attitude about what happened, hence blaming one or both parties.

      What to do?

      Here are some tips to overcome the lack of love and move on in the best possible way.

      1. Don’t base everything on demonizing the other person

      If you focus all of your frustrations and sadness on projecting those feelings onto the one who awakened the love in you, making them responsible for everything that happened, you will only hide your pain under the carpet, Since you will learn to give a lot of importance to this person: you will learn to fear that they will reappear in your life and, in a few minutes or seconds, make you feel bad again for doing something that does not correspond to this vision. artificial and Manichean that you created.

      Moreover, it will also awaken in you an insane competitiveness, which will cause you to try to be “better than” to show that you have matured more, which is contradictory.

      2. Learn to tolerate your flaws by looking back.

      When recalling past situations, it is very easy to spot mistakes and errors in our own behavior, which may include not seeing any signs that we were generating overly optimistic expectations about the relationship we were going to have with them. the other person.

      It is important stop analyzing how constructive and useful it is to revel in self-criticism for the sake of self-criticismInstead of assuming that no one can know everything all the time and concentrate on drawing a lesson. Which brings us to the next tip.

      3. Orient yourself to learning

      Okay, you had a loveless experience, but … what did you learn from it? Emotions are a very powerful way to repair memoriesAnd that’s why, if you can come to a good conclusion about what happened, the experience will allow you to mature more emotionally rather quickly, because you will always have this lesson at hand.

      Of course, this saves you from being very pessimistic or will close more doors than it opens for you. Consider how this experience can help you be happier.

      4. Focus on your well-being, not on nurturing stories

      If the lack of love was in part born out of having been the subject of an overly idealized narrative about what this relationship was or should be, it is important not to fall into another such trap. but of the opposite sign: a totally pessimistic and disenchanted perspective, almost marked by cynicism, on human relations.

      After all, those perspectives that tend to simplify reality (either toward optimism or toward pessimism) only work for themselves, leading us to interpret everything that happens to us in a way that validates this view. things.

      We don’t want to be enslaved to such a flat and totalizing philosophy of life, But to get a way of perceiving things that has the necessary nuances to give us leeway and autonomy, assuming that we cannot always be right or know everything that is going on in us and in our relationships .

      5. If you don’t progress, go to psychological therapy.

      Psychotherapy is the most effective way to overcome these emotional problems and offers personalized professional help tailored to each case.

      Are you looking for professional help?

      If you would like to undergo psychotherapy to overcome any negatively affected emotional or behavioral issues, please contact us. Fr Advanced psychologists we have a full team of psychologists and 20 years of experience in patient care. You can find us in our center located in Madrid, as well as in online video call therapy sessions. On this page you will find our contact details.

      Bibliographical references:

      • Lopez-Cantero, E. (2018). The Breakup Check: Exploring Romantic Love Through Relationship Breakups. Philosophia (Ramat Gan), 46 (3): pages 689-703.
      • Sharpsteen, DJ; Kirkpatrick, LA (1997). Romantic jealousy and romantic affection for adults. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. 72 (3): pages 627 to 640.
      • Verhallen, AM et. at. (2019). The Romantic relationship breakdown: an experimental model to study the effects of stress on symptoms of depression. PLoS One, 14 (5): e0217320.
      • Weiss, RS (1998). Separation and other issues that threaten relationships. BMJ, 316 (7136): pages 1011-1013.

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