Love life and emotional relationships have a paradoxical characteristic: although they greatly affect our well-being, they are something over which we have relatively little control.
That’s why a lot of people wonder … why am I unlucky in love? And it is that unrequited loves and failures in trying to live a stable relationship can be experienced from a catastrophic perspective, as if we are predestined for unhappiness.
In this article, we will look at several possible answers to this question, and at the same time, we will go through various tips and recommendations on what to do both if you are looking for a relationship and if you are in a relationship that is going through. its worst. moments.
Why am I unlucky in love?
If relationships and marriages are complicated, that’s one of the reasons why there are many ways for them to go wrong, or even not to start.
Pleasing someone so much that mutual love arises and this leads to a stable relationship is a process that requires delicate balances. Balances maintained between psychological phenomena that are often mutually exclusive: Sexual desire versus commitment, enthusiasm versus discipline to live properly, desire to please versus honesty, etc.
In any case, if we want to solve this problem, we have to simplify this type of problem to make it understandable and relatively easy to solve. Therefore, we divide romantic bad luck into two parts: problems finding a partner and problems maintaining romantic relationships.
The problems of finding a partner
Many people think they are having bad luck in love they feel that it is very difficult for them to find a partner. Let’s see what this can be due to.
1. Obsession with finding someone
No one is required to have a partner, although cultural tradition imposes various expectations related to marriage.
Maybe a big part of what makes you think you’re unlucky in love is precisely this obsession with finding someone fast. prevents you from taking this process naturallyOn the one hand, or that you feel bad that you don’t care about anyone, something completely normal.
2. Distorted expectations
It doesn’t just mean having too high expectations of what it means to find love. This means, among other things, giving a lot of importance to the idea that high and low expectations exist in the love life.
Whoever falls in love does so through an experience that completely changes their outlook on life. It is a qualitative change, not a quantitative one, and so it occurs, in many cases, initial prejudices must be overcome.
So the trick is to meet new people, with all that that entails: opening up to all kinds of people, beyond labels, and valuing them for what they do and really are.
3. Communication problems
It’s not just about research. Someone who wants to get another person’s attention (romantically) needs to master the basics of social skills.
For example, express yourself well, be clear about what is being said, So as not to become too mysterious, etc.
4. Lack of knowledge of social conventions
It is important to be aware that there are certain social conventions which, while they should not govern our personal relationships, do exist.
Having them as a reference is important for know how others perceive us at the very beginning of a conversation (And even before starting them).
For example, unwritten rules on how much confidence you expect from a stranger, on dress codes, etc.
5. Become the victim
Sometimes, who thinks she’s having bad luck in love ends up in an infinite loop situation: she becomes so pessimistic that she doesn’t give others any reason to be interested in her.
Becoming the victim as if others had our attention and affection is a big mistake. The pain we feel can be very real, and it’s true that we don’t have to hide it, but that doesn’t mean we have to make others feel guilty all the time.
And, of course, trying to give pity in order to generate attraction results in an effect totally opposite to the desired effect.
Bad luck in love life: celebrations and weddings
It is also very possible that bad luck in love is experienced especially when it comes to forming. a relationship that lasts and consolidates from a healthy coexistence between lovers.
In these cases, the problem is not so much to find a partner (although it can also be) but to make these bonds of love last in time and not only: that they become stronger over time. months and years.
In this sense, to understand what is happening, it is necessary to take into account all the aspects that we have seen so far, And also the following problems.
1. Lack of opportunities for emancipation
Any romantic relationship needs time and space to develop, and this means that it is very difficult for the emotional bond to maintain if you do not have the ability to live with basic material resources. .
For example, if many years pass and despite the wishes of both people involved, it is not possible to find an apartment affordable enough to live there, it will exhaust the relationship.
Achieving this economic stability is important, and it happens both to work efficiently and develop our talents, and to do everything possible to make society better economically.
2. Lack of communication
Communication failures are very common in couple relationships. For example, assuming the other person knows what we are talking about when in fact they don’t, interpreting some ambiguous sentences like mockery or accusations etc.
In this regard, there is nothing more than practicing these social skills and discussing together the most common mistakes you make in this area, adopting a proactive and honest attitude and supporting constructive criticism.
3. Lack of commitment
Having a love story is also a job in which time and effort must be invested. Having this clear is important, as it would be a mistake to assume that true love is one in which everything flows effortlessly at all.
Simply taking into account the needs and interests of the person we love means being stubborn in making the relationship a comfortable context for both of you, not just you.
If almost everything fails, you can still go to couples therapy, Although even to resort to it, it is necessary that there is a minimum of commitment; for example, if a relationship is maintained with a third person outside of court or marriage, couples therapy has no future and should not be started.
- Fisher, H. (2004). Why we love: The nature and chemistry of romantic love. New York: Henry Holt & Co.
- Lewis, T .; Amini, F .; Lannon, R. (2000). A general theory of love. Random house.