The first dates are very important because the first impression you make on someone you have just met will have a big influence on the chances of seeing each other more often.
What one should not trust in first impressions is a very strong maxim, known in theory but not applied in practice. In addition, there is the problem that mistakes can always be made, whether it was the first time or the other times that we stayed with our potential partner, ruined the relationship.
they are diverse common mistakes when looking for a partner, those who make every opportunity to see this person disappear again, who, in principle, seemed like we had fallen so well in love with him. Let’s find out to avoid committing them!
Common mistakes when finding a partner
We’ve all gone from being with someone we met in a drip app or a night out at a bar, staying with them, and then not knowing anything about that person. It is inevitable that after that one wonders from time to time what could have gone wrong, what we did or said to make that person lose interest in us.
It’s often said that you shouldn’t trust first impressions, but the truth is, it’s hard not to fall into this trap just by meeting someone. Whether you like it or not, the first thing we perceive about a person will have a big influence on how we see them now, that’s why and thinking of us, we must always be careful what we say or do on our first dates. If you make mistakes on that first date, chances are there won’t be a second.
There are many tips we can do in our search for love. The first date can be a fluid event that ends in good results or, conversely, it can end in disaster. It all depends on what those who attended that date are doing and if they made any of the common mistakes when looking for a partner for the next time.
1. Idealize the first date
It’s common for us to be optimistic about the person we’ve stayed with and are already thinking about a future with them. It’s okay to consider possible future scenarios where the two of you are already in a relationship, but we shouldn’t go ahead or be obsessed with it..
Obsessing that every time we date someone it’s going to be the last person, besides being very naive, is something that will end up ruining the relationship before we even start it.
The date will go as it should, maybe good or maybe bad, if we idealize it and it doesn’t materialize we will end up being very frustrated, going into misery and not doing much. of efforts to stay with new people in the weeks to come.
2. Show despair
To be desperate is understandable if we have gone months and months without finding someone special despite having tried. However, maybe it is our problem, that we are very desperate.
Desperation is not an attractive trait. Seeing that a person is eager to find a partner doesn’t inspire much confidence., in addition to the fact that the other person will find it impossible not to think about what we have done wrong because we have been unlucky in love even though it is obvious that we have tried.
3. Have too much confidence in yourself
You have to be careful who you trust. It can’t be that just by meeting someone, in just a week, we are already telling them all about ourselves, no matter how long we are there. This can be interpreted as our concept of privacy being very lax, revealing personal things to anyone.
4. Don’t watch what you’re talking about
The choice of conversation topics during our first date is a key aspect in getting to know each other and developing a relationship of trust with the other person.. We must be very careful with what we are talking about, but without closing ourselves off from the questions that our meeting asks us.
You can’t always talk about privacy, but neither should you resort to superficial issues like weather or the beauty of the restaurant walls.
5. Talk about your previous relationships
Forget to talk about your past and the intimacies you have experienced with your previous relationships. Let’s face it – talking about what we did with our ex-partner isn’t sexy or romantic. Person who wants to date someone who keeps talking about their previous relationship because that can basically be interpreted as not breaking up the breakup.
We must first focus on the person in front of us, thinking of an “us” as a whole in the present. and what interests us in the short term, ignoring that before we have already had love experiences that did not work. Once you and your date get to know each other better, you’ll be able to tackle the deeper details of your respective life stories, including what happened to your previous relationships.
6. Abuse the servers
There are those who say that a person is really known for the way he treats those in his service, like a waiter. And not just the waiters, but the employees of any store or their own subordinates.
The example of the waiter is the one that best corresponds to the world of love, because many dates are given in restaurants. If on our date the first time we meet someone they see us treating the waiter in a way they don’t like there probably won’t be a second time.
7. Go for alcohol
Granted, not drinking a single beer or a single glass of wine might be seen as too simple and boring, but the truth is that remember that alcohol is a drug and should not be abused. At most, we can take the socially accepted minimum, without going through it.
Too much alcohol puts you in a position where you have no control over what you say or do. If you take more than you can handle, you might be overly vulnerable or engage in aggressive behaviors, both of which are extremely bad for developing a first date. Alcohol plays bad tricks and we shouldn’t let it play with us.
8. Talk only about yourself
In dating, you need to avoid the temptation to talk only about yourself. Of course, we’ll have to make ourselves known and explain who we are, what we do, what our hobbies are and stuff like that; However, we don’t have to become the center of the conversation because in the end it is a meeting, a dialogue to get to know each other, not a soliloquy.
9. Talking about marriage and children
It might seem obvious, but getting ahead of the first date with issues as transcendent as getting married or having children is a very, very bad sign. There are people who want to get married and others who don’t, but they all share that they don’t want to do it with someone they just met.. There are plenty of other subjects to discuss, subjects much less frightening than when you want to get married or how many children you want to have.
10. Believe that your date should make you happy
Leaving the responsibility for your happiness to the other person is never a good choice. All we’ll get is she feel pressured and we’ll put her in a compromise. No one owes us happiness, but it is we who must seek it in the positive things that make up our life.
Of course, when we are looking for a partner, we want that person to give us happiness, but we have to understand that this will happen when a relationship of trust, intimacy and mutual respect is established, not when we start dating. with someone and that we have casual encounters. .
11. Be too insecure
On first dates we don’t have to show an air of superiority and be better than everyone else because no one likes pedantic and insufferable people. But we also have to be careful not to be too humble, because we can make the mistake of being too insecure and submissive, which is not attractive to the vast majority of people. Showing low self-esteem repels any chance of having a partner. Negativism is still receding.
- Lewis, T., Amini, F., Lannon, R. (2000). A general theory of love. Random house.
- Aragon, RS and Cruz, RM (2014). Causes and characterization of the stages of romantic mourning. Psychological Research Act, 4 (1): p. 1329-1343.
- Morgan, JP (1991). What is codependency? Journal of Clinical Psychology 47 (5): p. 720 – 729.