Why can’t I stop thinking about my ex? 4 keys to understand it

The evil of love is one of the most painful phenomena that human beings can experience and that we have all had to experience.

True, right now there are a lot of people having a bad time and still thinking about that person they loved and can’t be with.

What happens when our romantic partner leaves us?

Unfortunately, it is not socially acceptable for one individual to suffer for another person, as many associate it with a weak personality. In reality, forgetting that special person, that person you loved, is a process that has its phases and this must be overcome over time. However, the lack of love is not linear, as we can back down and suffer at different times in our lives. Over time, however, everything gets better or at least hurts less. Even if you don’t believe it, most people wear it indoors.

Love is like a drug

Understanding the lack of love and giving up thinking about your ex is not always easy. And to understand that this is not a linear phenomenon and that there can be relapses, you have to keep in mind that love, like drugs, uses the same neural circuits. It is clear that we cannot explain this phenomenon only by biological factors, because cultural factors influence decisively.

But this love is like a drug, that’s not what I’m saying, but a study by the Albert Einstein College of Medicine, which sought to learn more about lack of love, concluded that when love is broken, just like what happens to an addict., Separation from a loved one has serious consequences for our behavior, Such as depressive and obsessive behaviors.

However, love and lack of love are such complex issues that there is not much consensus among scientists, but over the years conclusions have been drawn from different research which has helped to improve understand these phenomena.

The pain of love hurts like physical pain

But what exactly happens to the brain when we fall in love? Some experts claim that culture has a big influence on our tastes, for example, whether we like someone who is surfing or who is sapiosexual. But the experts too warn that there are inexplicable things and that as you have seen throughout your life you fall in love and point. Sometimes it is not necessary to look for an explanation.

But when we fall in love the brain suffers from a neurochemical cascade in which different neurotransmitters and hormones are involved, Like serotonin, norepinephrine (norepinephrine), dopamine or oxytocin, among others, which are the causes that change our perception of life. When we are in love we are euphoric, we constantly think of the other person, we sleep less, etc.

If you want to know exactly what happens when we fall in love, you can read our article: “The Chemistry of Love: A Very Potent Drug”

And of course, when love breaks down, neurochemical mismatch causes behavior change that takes time until it stabilizes. Various research has concluded that the same part of the brain that functions as a physical pain processor also has the task of processing emotional pain.

Psychologists recommend losing contact with the other person to overcome the breakup. In other words, in this situation “all or nothing” must be applied because the brain pathways related to lack of love (and drug addiction) are weakened.

Remember the couple right now …

In addition to the obsessive and depressive behavior characteristic of the lack of love in the first months, it is common to remember the couple at certain times when the time has passed. Those shows that you’ve watched together, a car like your ex’s, those places you’ve been together, those songs … can remind you who your partner once was.

To understand this, just think of the associative learning of classical conditioning, which can remind us of the few months later and which can cause us to relapse and make us suffer when we thought we had overcome it. Something that also happens with drug addicts. In the case of drug addiction, this phenomenon is called conditioned abstinence syndrome.

Open wounds and their acceptance

But does it take a long time to forget the person you love? Well, it depends on each person’s situation and how intense their feelings are. But what is clear is that if we do not accept the breakup, the pain remains. Our beliefs are to blame for holding onto this person who is no longer a part of our lives. If they have left us, the other person’s decision must be to respect everything and not to love us.

The breakup may have been traumatic and we need more time to forget about this person. Maybe we need to work on ourselves and our self-esteem before we meet another special someone. But the first step to forgetting your ex is to accept that it’s over. After your ex, life goes on. It is in your hands to get on with your life, to distance yourself emotionally from the person who is no longer there, and to cement your happiness within yourself, in your own choices and possibilities.

Leave a Comment