Why don’t relationships last for me? 11 possible causes

There are many causes that precipitate the breakdown of a relationship, because while each person is a world, with romantic relationships the number of variables involved is even greater.

However, in practice, we observe that there are a number of psychological factors and behavioral phenomena more capable than others when it comes to eroding romantic relationships. Indeed, among people who go to psychotherapy complaining of not organizing medium and long-term parties, certain patterns often appear which are repeated indefinitely. Let’s see which ones are so that it is easier to answer the question of: “Why do relationships last so short?” “.

    Possible causes you don’t have a relationship

    No one is born scholar, and when it comes to relationships, most people have to “take note” of what works and what doesn’t by experience. It’s not a bad thing, but a sign that any deep emotional connection is complex and cannot be dealt with from the mindset of reading an instruction manual on love.

    There are, however, certain elements which over time are able to bring courtship to an end and which are sometimes difficult to detect and identify as seizure triggers. It should be noted that these causes can overlap and occur simultaneously in the same couple, and on the other hand, none of them implies that the relationship is doomed to failure. With that said, let’s take a look at what these common causes of relationship breakup are.

    1. Very different personalities

    Personality is a very influential factor in the length of romantic relationships, just like common or uncommon interests, shared needs or converging vital objectives.

    Beyond the myth according to which “the opposite poles are attracted” by love, the reality rather proves the opposite. The more the members of the couple are alike in their personalities, that is, in the way they are, the way they live their life or interpret and deal with the vicissitudes of the environment, the more likely they are to stay. a long time as a couple. . of time.

    Conversely, it is a little more likely that two people whose personalities collide head-on on a recurring basis will last less long together.

      2. Fundamental differences regarding future plans

      Another factor that can be decisive in establishing or not establishing a relationship is shared aspirations for the future, that is, the plans that everyone has for their future.

      As in the previous case, people with common hobbies or activities and compatible projects between the two members of the couple tend to have the easiest things in love.

      A person’s long term plans are a very important aspect of a person’s life, they are the compass or the map on which they build their life, which is why sometimes it is essential to find someone who is not incompatible with these expectations.

        3. Different conceptions of engagement

        Some relationships fail when the two members of the couple have different or opposing views of what it means to be in a relationship.

        We do not all have the same idea of ​​what a healthy and stable relationship should be., so that disagreements or disagreements over the direction to take in a relationship with another person can often arise.

        In this section, commitment deserves special mention, one of the main factors can endanger the survival of the relationship when there is a lack in one of the members of the couple.

        4. Big differences in terms of libido level

        Differences in libido or sexual desire also play a role in the success or failure of a relationship.. In fact, many people, both men and women, consider it to be one of the most crucial parts of married life.

        Like any factor in the coexistence of a relationship, sex has to do with consensus, affection, attraction, concern for others and, in general, healthy and genuine communication.

        If any of these things fail, the relationship is likely to be dead.

          5. Poor discussion management

          Resistant couples are those who know how to properly manage one or more recurring discussions; it is certainly another of the essential elements to arrive at having a lasting partner, because avoids unnecessary fights and moments of great discomfort.

          There are many ways to mismanage a discussion, and among the classics stand out: taking any discussion as an ego struggle, and not as a way to tackle positions or negotiate; don’t listen to the other person and just wait to share the message; constantly becoming defensive or personally discrediting the other member of the couple.

            6. Communication and understanding

            Most of us have read or heard countless times that the basis of a good relationship is communication.

            In this regard, it should also be noted that understanding is just as important as a lot of communication but without any subsequent understanding will prove to be totally unsuccessful for the future of the relationship.

            Listening to the other, being able to express their feelings and knowing how to recognize the needs of the other will be essential factors for the future of a healthy relationship.

            7. Problems of conciliation

            The difficulties that can arise daily between work and married life are the order of the day in modern societies.

            The increasing demands of the job market and the hectic pace of work are constant for many people who end up realizing how his professional life ends up conquering his love life or as a couple.

            8. Addiction issues

            Substance abuse problems end up destroying not only health, but also social, family and emotional relationships.

            That is why when you have an addiction of any kind i seek professional help it is likely that the affected person will end up losing the relationship. This is because people with untreated addictions come to a point where they seek to satisfy their addiction disorder only and exclusively without considering anything more than what is happening around them.

              9. Unwanted relationship

              Some people start their relationship unwittingly, simply because of issues such as social pressure or some kind of interest outside of real attraction or falling in love.

              In these cases, the relationship is born with very little chance of lasting., because sooner or later we will discover the real motivations that the person had at the time of initiating it.

              10. Routine

              Routine is another of the classic among the factors that can precipitate the end of a relationship and it is something that many couples have had to deal with like a trial by fire in order to be successful in the future.

              Once the initial phase of love or romance is over, in which everything looks perfect and both members believe their relationship will last forever, it often reaches a cooling point the same which has to do with the routine and recurrent practice of various habits.

              The survival of the relationship will depend on the different tools that each of its members may have to overcome the routine, the cooling or the descent of the passion of the first phases.

              11. Infidelities

              Some people believe that cheating in a relationship can turn out to be overwhelming pitfalls that will inevitably push each of their members to the end.

              But it is also true that some couples manage to overcome some cases of infidelity, and this is again due to the ability of one or both members to strengthen their relationship and to find something to rely on to move the relationship forward again. Of course, going to couples therapy also helps a lot to overcome this kind of couple crisis due to unfaithfulness.

                Are you looking for professional psychological support?

                If you would like to benefit from psychological assistance as part of individualized therapy or couples therapy, please contact me.

                My name is Javier Ares, and I specialize in emotional type issues and those that have to do with love and emotional relationships. I offer face-to-face and online sessions by video call.

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