It seems that little by little ideas like the “orange half” are falling behind, and we are more and more aware of the importance of not losing our individuality, Not to get lost in the other and to stop being ourselves. It is only by valuing, caring for and respecting our essence and that of the other person that we can build healthy relationships.
The movies, stories and songs that have accompanied us throughout our lives have helped create false myths about love and relationships, like the blue prince, love can do anything, opposite poles are drawn. .. It seems that the more suffering there is in the couple, the better the relationship will be and the more love there will be. But make no mistake, love must be easy, and if it isn’t, it isn’t love.
What are the common problems couples have?
There are as many types of relationships as there are couples. There is no standard pair, each one creates their own codes and dynamics, they are neither better nor worse. And if the relationship works well that way, there is no reason to change.
However, in many cases the couple are not doing well and could benefit from couples therapy. Some of the reasons or problems that couples usually experience are as follows.
1. Communication problems
Communication is a key part of any human relationship. We need to be aware of how we communicate with our partner. Whether we use an aggressive, passive or assertive style of communication. If we facilitate communication, or on the contrary we hinder it.
2. Discussion management
One of the most common problems that couples face is poorly handling discussions, in which reproaches abound, aggression increasing, power struggles (“Who gives his arm to twist”), erroneous interpretations …
3. Intimacy and sexuality
Over time, the frequency, sexual desire and moments of intimacy (such as hugs, displays of affection …) and sexual intercourse may decrease. It can also happen that each member of the couple experiences it differently.
Third parties may appear, with consequent emotional management resulting from infidelity, such as guilt, repentance and forgiveness or not of the other person.
5. Different moments of life
Each member of the couple has a different life course, we are not the same at 20, at 35 than at 40 and, although this is not a problem, at some point it can become.
6. Jealousy, insecurity and mistrust
Jealousy, as we know, can become pathological. Behind the jealousy is ** an insecure personality who will turn all that insecurity into the other **, conditioning and destroying the relationship.
Monotony and routine as a symptom of being carried away with life and the pace of the relationship can also drain the emotional bond. It is always positive to strengthen the good that is there and that keeps you in the relationship. (Knowing how to take advantage of the routine too), as well as looking for new illusions that break this monotony a little.
8. Relationship with the families of origin
There are couples who are very close to their original family, who find it difficult to set limits and are overwhelmed by their requests, creating real problems in the relationship.
9. Individual Aspects of Something Member
Each member of the relationship, as we have already mentioned, is an individual person, with their strengths and limitations, problems, personal circumstances, work … If this is not taken into account and handled properly , it can cause conflicts in the couple.
10. Birth of children
The birth of a child brings about a radical change in the dynamics of common life. Attention and care is taken away by the new family member, Leaving the care of the couple in the background.
What are the goals of couples therapy?
When two people start to think about couples therapy, the main goal is to solve the problems they are having. to keep alive a coexistence based on love. As we have seen, these difficulties can be related to monotony, communication, jealousy … and, if this is achieved, the therapy will have been successful.
However, even if therapy ends in a breakup or separation, it should not be evaluated or judged as a failureConversely, because if through the therapeutic process they made this decision, it was probably due to the fact that it was the best option and staying in the relationship meant prolonging the discomfort.
Another of the fundamental reasons for going to couples therapy, which almost no couple considers, is that of prevention, improvement and learning strategies to better cope with everyday situations within the relationship. Emphasize the importance that both members of the relationship have common goals to work on.
Whatever the objective, what will be sought will be to improve the well-being of each member of the couple, whether they decide not to pursue the common project, or whether they decide to continue, because this will have a positive impact on coexistence. .
Is this psychological intervention useful?
The answer to this question is a definite yes. What is the problem in most cases, couples go late for therapy. At this point, the relationship is badly damaged and the couple feel they can no longer. In these cases, the therapy is experienced as a “fire extinguisher,” that is, a last-ditch attempt to save the relationship.
Ignorance and the myths surrounding “going to the psychologist” in general and practicing couples therapy in particular make it difficult and delay the start of professional intervention.
Another problem that can hinder the process is that there is no agreement and consensus on any of the members and that they are not involved in the same way. In order for the pair to stay afloat, both must row and do so in the same direction.
Are you interested in starting couples therapy?
If you are considering starting couples therapy and working on some of the goals we have discussed, you can seek information and help from Lua Psychology.
is a center specializing in couples therapy that practices face-to-face therapy in the center of Madrid and online therapy, Adapt to the needs of each couple. In both cases, the therapeutic process is the same.
If you want to contact us, click on this link.