Certainly, being a mother is one of the most enriching and wonderful experiences that a woman can experience, and for many it is a highlight of her life. The mother figure is extremely important for the growth of a son or daughter and influences their development in different areas of their life: personal well-being, academic environment, work, interpersonal relationships, etc.
Of course, although mothers have only one, sometimes they can cause discomfort to their children and become toxic mothers, whose actions interfere with the proper development and emotional well-being of their offspring. The skills that a mother needs to develop are many, especially since the bond he establishes with his sons and daughters is special, Thanks to the physical and visual contact that is established between the two parts in the first months of life.
Recommendations for being a good mother
If you wanna know how to be a good motherBelow is a list of tips that will help you avoid parenting mistakes.
1. Set limits
It is clear that we all want the best for our children and we also love to see them happy and smiling; however, that doesn’t mean they always have to date them. Setting limits and setting rules can be positive for your little ones and for their future well-being.
Of course, the rules should be consistent, clear and simple, they should be the same for everyone and appropriate for the age of maturity of your son or daughter. After all, we are social beings, so learning to put limits on the impulses of the little ones is good for better adapting to the society in which we live.
2. You are their model of learning
Family is one of the main agents of socialization, so you need to educate your child well. We humans have different ways of learning, and one of them is through modeling, A concept introduced by Albert Bandura. Even if sometimes you don’t believe it, what you do and how you behave in front of them matters because your child is constantly watching you.
3. Listen actively
Often times we think we are listening when we actually hear. To really listen you have to practice active listening. This means that you should not only pay attention to your children who are trying to understand what they are saying to you, but also what they are hearing. In other words, you have to pay attention to both the emotional component (feelings, emotions, sensations, etc.) and the rational component (ideas, beliefs, knowledge, etc.).
If you would like to know more about how to do this, you might find this article helpful: “Active Listening: The Key to Communicating With Others”.
4. Validate your emotions
It is important to actively listen to your child, but also to validate their emotions. Emotional validation is a process of learning, understanding and expressing to accept another person’s emotional experience. In other words, if you suspect that your child is having difficulty, active listening can allow you to understand not only his verbal language, but also the non-verbal (gestures, gaze, posture, etc.) as his heart opens. to you.
Emotional validation will make you show that you understand him (even if you don’t always agree) and as a result, he will feel more comfortable saying what he is feeling. We can all experience both pleasant and painful emotions, and your son or daughter is no exception.
5. Let him speak
Emotional validation and the acceptance of emotions are essential for the future well-being of your child. This allows your child to learn to express his emotions and feelings instead of minimizing or rejecting them. Emotions don’t go away if we repress them, On the contrary, you can express yourself without control. Good emotional control is good for both your child’s well-being and for their interpersonal relationships.
6. Encourages communication
The above points are closely related to effective communication, which helps your child rely on you for what they need, and it increases the emotional bond between you. This is why it is important that you communicate with your child on a daily basis and in an open manner. This will allow you to get to know him and he will understand that he can trust you when he needs you, even when it comes to his worries and fears.
7. Adapt to your child
Sometimes it may happen that we are not aware of our child’s age because he may behave badly and get out of our throat at some point. As an adult, you need to be aware that your child’s level of reasoning follows a developmental process, so you need to adapt to their needs.
Now, it is not a question of treating him like a mature person when he is not yet. For example, after three years, you might need to say “no” to everything, because that’s your way of gaining independence. Don’t be surprised by some of your little one’s attitudes, Since it is not certain that you will lose your temper. Keep in mind that the important thing is to educate properly, not to get angry out of control.
8. Be patient
Being a mother can sometimes be difficult, And it may seem like the situation is getting worse for you. Going to work, coming home and doing the housework, then educating your child … takes up many hours of your day. But stay calm and try to be patient. Don’t pay for it with your toddlers, and if at some point they don’t behave the way you think they are, explain why they shouldn’t be repeating their behavior. Likewise, if you have a partner, negotiate a better division of labor, which brings us to the next point.
9. Responsibilities also belong to the father
It is positive that both parents share the responsibilities of the child. As soon as possible, you have to find the balance to prevent yourself from taking full responsibility to educate your child. You will feel less stressed and it will be better for your child if you get along well and share their education.
10. Avoid arguing with your partner in front of your child.
The importance of the role of parents in the process of socialization of the child and how their behavior can be imitated by them has already been discussed: this is called learning by modeling, by proxy or by imitation. . If you argue with your partner in front of him, you will send a negative message, Which will not be positive for their development or their learning.
11. Let him develop his autonomy
There may be times when many parents feel insecure when their children seek to be independent. It happens at any age. Being an overprotective mother is not at all beneficial, Because it prevents your child from developing fully and empowering himself in life.
12. Don’t let him grow up to be a spoiled child
One of the big mistakes mothers can make is think that anything they do in good faith is good for your child. In the first point, we have already talked about the importance of setting limits, because raising spoiled children will have negative effects on their well-being. Therefore, you should avoid giving him gifts when not playing, reinforcing his negative behaviors, giving in to his rages, or acting like a villain yourself.
If you want to know more about this interesting topic, you can read this article: “The 8 basic tips to not spoil your child”
13. Avoid being extremely disciplined
You don’t have to be too disciplined, and in no way hit your son or daughter. Toddlers who are continually whipped, beaten or slapped are more likely to fight with other children in the future and to develop negative personalities.
You can read more about this in our article: “The 8 Reasons Not to Use Corporal Punishment of Children”
14. Watch your parenting style
As with types of leadership, there are different types of parenting styles that are not characteristic of parents but rather forms of parent-child relationship. These parenting styles have their advantages and negative consequences, and we can differentiate four of them: democratic, authoritarian, permissive and indifferent. The democratic style is the healthiest and is based on respect and communication with children.
15. Play to be emotionally intelligent with him
From an early age, children can develop emotional intelligence, which has a positive impact on their psychological health in the future. Through play, children learn skills while having fun, which is essential for their development in the early years of life. The game is not only psychomotor beneficial, but it can help them better understand their emotions.
In this video, you can learn more about the importance of emotional intelligence for your child:
16. Teach him how to solve problems
Parents not only act as role models for their children when it comes to teaching them new behaviors, but they are a key part of their growth as they help them develop their cognitive abilities and higher intelligence.
Social interaction, especially of parents, supports the development of the child by establishing influence through the near development zone, a term coined by Lev Vygotsky. This zone is the distance between the level of maturity reached by the child through the natural process of development and the potential level of development that he can reach when guided by people more capable than him, for example the parents. .
He explores this concept in this article: “The sociocultural theory of Lev Vygotsky”
17. Find time for yourself
In the first few years of life, a mother’s dedication to her son or daughter takes almost 24 hours a day, but being a mother doesn’t mean that life and the good times are over. for that you must devote time to your well-being, Which will be positive for the relationship with your little ones. For example, if you enjoyed going to the gym, make a hole in your life so that you can continue this activity.
18. Enjoy your child and the experience
Being a mother is one of the most rewarding experiences a human being can have, and nothing compares to the love that is born in a family. So enjoy this gift that keeps you alive even if sometimes things can get complicated. Being a mom is amazing!