Demanding parents: 7 things they’re wrong about

Raising and educating a child well is not easy. While most parents want the best for their children, not all subjects work the same and in different ways. Thus, the educational strategies used are not always the most appropriate to achieve autonomy and good development of a child.

Overprotection, authoritarianism, ambiguity … all of these can lead children to form an idea of ​​reality which may or may not be used for their correct adaptation to the vital circumstances in which they live. Among all these characteristics of the different types of education, we can find the exaggerated requirement, Which can cause various problems in children. For this reason, this article will focus on demanding parents and the seven aspects or things that they are wrong about.

    Demanding too much: when discipline and effort go too far

    There are very different ways of educating. The behavioral model we use to educate our children, the way parents and children interactThe way they are taught, reinforced, motivated and expressed is what is called parenting style.

    It is common that in an increasingly liquid and vibrant society, many families choose to try to discipline their offspring, trying to instill the culture of effort and motivate their children to always aspire. to the maximum and strive for perfection. This kind of parents they tend to demand that their offspring be active, strive as much as possible and manage to achieve all the objectives offered to them with the greatest possible efficiency.

    Overly demanding parents tend to have an authoritarian parenting style, which they are characterized by an essentially one-way type of communication and not very expressive, with a clear hierarchy and which provide clear and rigid rules, granting little autonomy to the minor and presenting a great level of control and high expectations towards them. However, if discipline and effort are important, excessive demand can lead to difficulties in the psycho-emotional development of children, such as can be seen below.

    7 common mistakes stemming from a strong father’s demand

    Occasional use of the requirement as a way to increase performance can be effective. However, if it is a consistent pattern of behavior and is not accompanied by effective communication and consistent expression of feelings, in some subjects this educational style may contribute to causing different adaptation problems.

    Some of the Mistakes Made by Particularly Demanding Parents are the following.

    1. Too much demanding does not increase performance

    While encouraging effort and improving results can be helpful in increasing performance on an ad hoc basis, maintaining a high level of demand over time can actually cause the opposite effect: performance may decrease thinking that it is not good enough, or because of the persistent search for an improvement in the results obtained.

    2. Intolerance of errors

    It is common for parents to demand not to reinforce their children’s efforts enough, but find that there are some mistakes. This is why the idea conveyed to children is that mistake is a bad thing, which must be avoided. We are thus formed intolerance of error, Which can lead to the next of the points, the birth of perfectionism.

    3. Excessive perfectionism is not good

    Too much demand in childhood can lead children to think that what they are doing is never enough, that they are not happy with what they are doing throughout their lives. Thus, these people develop the need to do things the best they can, in pursuit of perfection. Finally that makes them people who do not finish their tasksAs they repeat them over and over again in order to improve them.

    4. Unrealizable expectations are created

    Believing in your own possibilities and those of others is a good thing. However, these expectations must be realistic. Too high and unrealizable hopes cause frustration at the inability to meet them, which in turn can cause a negative perception of one’s own abilities.

    5. Asking for a lot can lead to insecurity and low self-esteem

    If the requirement is not followed by recognition of the effort made, the child you won’t feel like your efforts were worth it. In the long run, they can develop serious anxiety and depression issues, as well as a learned helplessness to think that their efforts won’t change the end result.

    6. Focusing on compliance can lead to a lack of personal motivation

    Making a child focus too much on what to do can cause them to ignore what they want to do. If this situation occurs persistently, said child in adulthood exhibits emotional blockages and inability or difficulty in motivating oneself, Because they have not finished developing their own interests in their childhood.

    7. It can cause problems in personal relationships

    Children of very demanding parents tend to learn the level of demand from their parents and reproduce it in the future. This way, it may be more difficult for them to socialize due to the high level of demand that they may present to themselves and others in their relationships.

    Recommendations to avoid these errors

    The aspects mentioned so far are mainly due to the presence of high pressures and expectations, intolerance of errors and lack of reinforcement in the face of one’s own behavior. However, being a demanding parent doesn’t necessarily mean these issues arise, being able to avoid with sufficient communication and emotional expression. Here are some tips or recommendations to avoid the deficits indicated.

    Support better than instruct

    The pressure felt by these children is very high, Sometimes unable to do what they would like to do to the level that their loved ones would like. To avoid this, it is recommended that the expectations conveyed to children are realistic and adjusted to the capacities demonstrated by the child, avoiding extremism.

    As for error intolerance, it does not occur if the child is taught that making a mistake is not bad or means failing, but it is an opportunity to improve and learn. And that even if they fail, it does not mean that they are no longer loved.

    Value their efforts, not their successes

    Much of the problem with this type of education is non-evaluation of the effort provided. The solution is to consider the importance of the effort made by children, whatever the results, and to contribute to the success of that effort. This is especially important when the child is doing an activity correctly, in which he is sometimes not happy to consider something normal and expected.

    Confidence in children’s skills is essential in order to motivate them and increase their self-esteem. In order not to devalue children’s abilities, it is recommended that if there is something that wants to be corrected, try to indicate it in a positive way and without incurring criticism, or by focusing on the activity or l ‘goal to be achieved and not in the child and his capacity.

    Bibliographical references:

    • Baumrind, D. (1991). Parenting styles and adolescent development. In J. Brooks-Gun, R. Lerner and AC Petersen (Eds.), The Encyclopedia of Adolescence (pp. 746-758). New York: Garland.
    • Baumrind, D. (1996). The discipline controversy has been revoked. Family Relations, 4 (4), 405-414.
    • Chen, X., Dong, Q., and Zhou, H. (1997). Authoritarian and authoritarian parenting practices and social and academic performance of Chinese children. International Journal of Behavioral Development, 21, 855-873.
    • De el Barri, MV and Roa, ML (2004). Parenting practices, maternal personality and social class. Proceedings of the 2nd Hispano-Portuguese Congress of Psychology

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