Every day we come across thousands of messages on parenthood, education, nutrition, emotional management or Emotional Intelligence, on supporting boys and girls…
And every day we are more parents who wonder how we want to care for, accompany and educate our sons and daughters. This, in many cases, leads to many contradictions, contradictions that we put into practice and that make us feel bad.
The challenge of adapting parenthood to the particularities of the family
Every family is unique and every member of that family is unique. Therefore, we must not forget that each of them has their own experiences, upbringing and upbringing, parents who did the best they could and knew, and that was the learning that people carry in our backpack.
She is our family and we must know herknow what’s inside, know every detail so we can assess what we stay with and what we disagree with.
Making this journey is sometimes not easy, because it means reconciling with your childhood, your mother and/or your father and never forgetting that they have always done their best. It’s important to know what those weaknesses are and what your strengths are, and that’s why it’s so important to have that conversation with yourself and your partner before you even have kids. This is how you can visualize how you would like your parenting to be start working on acquiring the necessary tools.
What to do?
It is clear that when a family considers that another education is possible, they do everything in their power to obtain the information and even the training necessary to achieve it.
These families are the ones who realized that the education we ourselves received often did not accompany the whole emotional field: educated in gender and put into practice the idea that emotions, better at home (just like dirty rags).
Then we got to work, but sometimes the training we have is not enough, because the daily life overwhelms us. Because obligations of adults, sometimes eat the rights of the child and the right to be able to educate conscientiously; because having the tools and the information is good, but when you see yourself in the situation it’s difficult to be able to reproduce the good parental model and not fall into what you know is not good, this which is not what we want.
And then the blame comes. This damn word that often accompanies mothers and fathers in our education, perhaps more than we would like.
Faced with all this, how can we deal with these feelings that we were talking about? Well given these keys:
- You have to do all this work of retrospection, of self-knowledge.
- Share with our partner our desires on how to uplift, share and reach common ground in those situations where we sit at opposite poles, team up so we can go to one and if we feel weak, know that the other is going to be by our side. Because motherhood and fatherhood are wonderful, we learn and we have fun, but sometimes it’s not easy.
- Inform us and train us both. To do the previous point, it must be fulfilled.
On the other hand, we must know how to ask for help if we feel it is necessary. A more continuous or timely advice that guides us on how to put knowledge into practice, that approaches the situations of the coherence of education in a positive way, but without permissiveness and without authoritarianism, balancing towards the midpoint and in us making us aware of where we are at all times so that we can carry out the education of our children without needing their presence.
Since TAP Center, we continue to work on training and supporting the positive education of neurotypical and neurodiverse families. If at any time you feel you need such support, please do not hesitate to contact us.
Author: Irene de la Granja Muñoz, Master in Special Education and Master in Educational Psychology.