This situation surely seems to you: a father who picks up his daughter from school and walks past a kiosk asks her with a broken heart to buy her a bar of chocolate. The father, who, as he knows, is expecting a snack at home, tells him that he cannot buy it.
This is when the girl realizes that the pursuit of chocolate gets frustrating and she starts screaming, crying and even tugging at her father’s arm to buy him what he wants. this is an unequivocal example of rebellion. Let’s see what this phenomenon is and how we can deal with it in boys and girls.
Why do reprimands occur?
Scolding is a natural process that all of us human beings go through. A reprimand is nothing more than a form of expression of frustration at not being able to get what the person wants. In this case, this expression manifests as an outburst of anger, crying and uncontrolled anger.
Between 18 and 36 years old, children suffer from alleged primary reproaches. These are necessary for the psycho-emotional development of boys and girls. At this point, they seek to explore the world and begin to express their desires, beyond what the parents want them to do.
At this stage, the child begins to develop his autonomy and begins to have his own desires. The way the child at this age tries to express his preferences and tastes is a rebuke, like it does not yet have a sufficiently developed language as if to petition his parents.
On the other hand, at this stage, they have not yet developed, at the cerebral level, areas involved in self-control. This is why boys and girls begin to develop self-regulation and control over their emotions through scolding.
The reprimands can mean that there is another problem if they persist beyond 4 years and if it is very difficult to calm down. In cases where the child still expresses his frustration and anger by reproaches at this age, he can tell us that something else is happening (parental divorce, problems with other children, arrival of a brother or sister. ‘a sister, etc.).
What can we do about the rebellion?
As we have seen, reprimands are part of the evolutionary development of people. however, after 36 months reprimands should start to decrease significantly. Even if they are decreasing, it is important to know what can be done so that they do not persist over time and gradually disappear.
First, certain factors can increase the likelihood of reprimands: fatigue, sleep, hunger, unpleasant environmental conditions such as excessive heat, cold, Brightness, etc. It is important that we consider if a reprimand occurs due to any of these factors and try to correct them.
But the truth is that in most cases, reprimands are usually an expression of a frustrated desire when the child asks for something from us and we don’t give it to him or when we take something away that he or she wants or liked. It is at these times that we must apply the following strategies.
1. Never give in to anger
If by this behavior the boy or the girl obtains what he wants, only we will teach him that reprimand is a way to achieve his desires.
2. Be calm
Or at least not to show that his reproaches affect us.
3. Prevent possible situations
For example: If we know you are hungry when you leave school, avoid going to places where you can ask us to buy you something.
4. Try to divert their attention if we see that the rebuke is imminent.
Usually there are signs that we are starting to get irritated. If we know how to identify these things, we can grab their attention and focus on something different to try to stop the anger from appearing.
5. Pay no attention to crying
It is important that when the rebuke appears we do not pay attention. We have to watch the boy or the girl and what he is doing to prevent him from getting hurt, but we have to try to ignore it. You can change rooms in the house, continue as if nothing had happened. Our attention is the greatest reward for them and therefore we must teach them that with negative behaviors you will not get anything from us.
6. If we are far from home: we must try to avoid crossing dangerous places
We avoid looking at him or responding to him, but we always seek to know that he cannot be hurt. If we see that he wants to run away, we hold him so that he does not move but without saying anything to him.
The importance of being consistent and consistent with the rules
It is important that we see that there will be times when we will surely end up giving in to their demands. In such cases you must try to make him see that we actually made the decision.
It should be noted that in boys and girls who have had these behaviors for a long time, change is not easy. In fact, when these techniques are applied, there is usually the opposite effect initially: the blame increases dramatically, as we have moved on from all of our attention and whatever it wants to get rid of. For that, At first the boy or girl will increase their crying and anger because the frustration will be greater. It is important not to give in and to stand firm. Otherwise, we would further strengthen their criticism.
Finally, it is important to strengthen them and pay attention to them when they are doing things right, when they calm down, when they are able to say no to a request and when they regulate their emotions themselves. Everything else would be useless if we didn’t show them that when they are able to control their emotions and behavior is when they can get a lot more from us.
Here are some guidelines that can help us in this complicated process that we go through during childhood. But it is important that we consult a professional for cases where we are unable to cope with sudden mood swings and children’s behavior.
It is very positive to stay informed about the different techniques and tools needed to deal with reprimands. At Mariva Psicòlegs we constantly organize workshops and trainings on different topics. On March 27, we will be hosting a workshop on reprimands and all that is needed to try to understand and respond to them. We are waiting for you! To see our contact details, go to this page.