Many parents believe in a myth that, if applied to all facets of parenting, can be very damaging to the little ones at home. This belief consists of the idea that boys and girls should limit themselves to relating to their emotions by expressing them spontaneously, without seeking to learn from them or the consequences of regularity in one way or another.
In reality, it is essential to help children control their emotions. Below we will see why this is so and how we can do our part to get them used to living their emotional role by playing it in their favor.
Why is it good for children to control their emotions?
It’s important to keep in mind that while the way we experience emotions in the first person is subjective, the consequences of expressing them somehow are objective. So much so that much of the process that makes us adults consists of master some basic emotional regulation skills that allow us to achieve long-term goals and to live in society.
If we take for granted that all that matters is the experience of emotions, without further ado, we nurture a philosophy of life that sees the emotional and affective aspect as something of which we are passive subjects and of which we only participate as recipients. The ideal is, in any case, to be clear that it is necessary and can consciously influence psychological processes related to feelings and ailments… and that this skill should be taught from childhood.
How to teach emotional self-control to boys and girls
So, below, we’ll go over various tips on how to encourage kids to control their emotions based on their goals and interests, rather than just being just a receiver of emotional states.
However, it should be kept in mind that very young children, aged 7 years or less, will have a hard time thinking about certain nuances that can be attributed to emotions. For example, they will understand what “fear” means, but it will be very difficult for them to understand what fear is of not being able to do something. That is why parents and guardians must adapt to the degree of abstraction in which the little one is able to think.
1. Educate in affective prediction
Affective prediction is the mental ability that allows us to make predictions about our emotional state in the future. By focusing on this skill, it is easier for toddlers to learn why it is useful and good to learn to deal with emotions as it encourages the habit of compare expectations, on the one hand, and reality, on the other.
A suggested activity, for example, might be asking the child to think about how he thinks he will feel if he is going to talk to a boy or girl with whom he would like to be friends. went to meet this other person, think about how you are feeling, and compare your emotional state to what you predicted. In these cases, it is very common that a much higher degree of fear and tension has been predicted than what is then felt.
2. Teach him to defer gratification
The ability to defer gratuity is one of the most important, as it allows you to opt for some long-term goals that require you to give up on others in the short term but bring much greater benefits.
Set challenges based on a time when you have to give up a prize to achieve a bigger goal it is very good because it generates the habit based on constant effort which will bear fruit in the long term.
To do this, it is important to keep in mind that the younger you are, the harder it is to defer tips; the idea is not to overdo it with this minimum time to hold, as this would make the task perceived as something unrealistic.
For example, if it is estimated that there are math activities to be done at home that will take half an hour of work, that half hour can be divided into segments of 10 or 15 minutes, at the end of which there are a few minutes of rest or leisure.
3. Do not reward their reproaches
Its very important. Some parents, without realizing it, they compensate for having a rageSince these situations cause discomfort and discomfort, and giving what you want is the easiest way to make the problem go away immediately. However, society does not operate that way.
On the one hand, the family is the only group of people who have the duty and the responsibility to spend time with this future adult, so the others have no reason to consider giving in to this blackmail, and on the other hand, go angry. it does not encourage learning to solve things, But quite the contrary.
So one of the best ways to help young children, or boys and girls take care of themselves, learn to control their emotions, is simply not to reward for expressing themselves in a very strong way. extreme, his feelings of anger and rage.
4. Build together explanations for failures
Controlling your emotions is always make a certain effort to be able to aspire to long-term goals or that have to do with participation in social circles. Frustration can lead children to accept the idea that regulating emotions in order to achieve long-term goals is unnecessary and that giving up along the way is not worth it.
It is therefore good that when faced with situations which can cause frustration, the older ones help the younger ones to understand what happened, and to see that where at the beginning it seemed that the efforts were in vain, that what has happened is that he is more likely to succeed, although it is not obvious.
For example, if after studying a little more than normal for an exam the mark received was bad, the child may think that this result would have been exactly the same as he would have obtained if he had given in to the feeling of fear. and not having bothered to cope with this discomfort by exposing yourself to the delicate task of practicing with exercises that one finds difficult. Making him see that behind this apparent failure there has been progress is key.