How to help shy children: 12 tips

Each of us is different from the others. We have different lives and stories, which make us see reality in a unique and irreplaceable way. However, there are common patterns of behavior and ways of perceiving the world. Although technically we only form our personalities after adolescence and after acquiring our identity, some of our personality traits will be visible from childhood.

An example of this is the existence or not of shyness. Although this is a trait that is not (contrary to what many seem to think) harmful in itself, the truth is that it can make it difficult to express your feelings and thoughts and decrease the possibility of establishing emotional bonds with their peers or reducing the quality of these?How to help shy children in your everyday life? In this article, we offer a series of suggestions that can help overcome this shyness.

    What do we consider to be shyness?

    He is considered a shy a temperamental trait consisting of the tendency to reproach, not easily expressing emotions and thoughts already attract as little attention as possible. We are faced with a trait mainly related to the level of self-esteem and security, negatively correlated with both and especially with the latter.

    The shy child tended not to speak out in the presence of strangers or people he did not trust, to seek safer environments, and to avoid being exposed or attracting the attention of others. large crowds. In other words, the shy child has a reserved demeanor and is generally more contemplative, although deep down he may want to participate actively in what is going on.

    It is important don’t confuse shyness and introversion: The introvert needs fewer levels of external activation than an extrovert, requiring less social contact. It’s not that he’s asocial or that he doesn’t have friends, he just needs less contact. However, a shy child may have an outgoing nature and not manifest it out of fear or insecurity.

    As we have seen, this trait is not necessarily negative. And it is that on the one hand, it facilitates that the subject in question evaluates the situations and acts after having analyzed and verified the functioning of the situations. On the other hand, if it is very accentuated it can limit the interaction of those who suffer from it with the environment and hamper social relations. It is in the latter situation, when the shy child begins to have problems arising from this trait, that one wonders what can be done to help him overcome his shyness.

      Tips to help shy children

      When trying to help a child overcome their shyness, keep in mind that much of their situation stems from a lack of confidence and security. It should also be borne in mind that if the intentions are right, some of the classic methods that many use for their children to overcome their shyness may actually lower their self-confidence and self-esteem even further. Therefore, here are some ways to help the shy child that may prove useful.

      1. Encourage your successes

      It is important for a child, especially if he is shy and insecure, to see how his approaches to performance are they are encouraged and experienced as something positive by their parents or teachers. Praise and praise their performance will make the child more confident and facilitate and strengthen their future behavior and expression. Of course, congratulations should be sincere.

      2. Teach him to relativize and value his mistakes in a positive way.

      Making a mistake is not a bad thing, it gives us a chance to learn. Shy people tend to have a certain fear of doing things badly and of being judged for it. Teach him that this is not the case. It’s not about pretending to do everything right, it’s about make him see that making mistakes is good, Because in the long term it allows you to improve your performance and that is not why you will be misunderstood.

      3. Do not report or criticize

      Closely related to the above. A child who does not feel safe will not feel better because we tell them they are shy or criticize their inaction. It is a mistake that, although it may seem surprising, many people make in their attempt to encourage their little ones, such as misdirected or even outbursts of anger without realizing it.

      4. Increases positive self-learning and self-reinforcement

      Shy people tend to underestimate their successes and maximize their mistakes, In addition to not strengthening enough for the first. It is also common for self-instructions to be given with negative or hesitant tints, such as the typical “I can’t…” or “I don’t…”. We have to make sure that these ways of self-directing change and that he congratulates himself when he does things right.

        5. Generates opportunities for socialization

        A good way to try and help shy children get over their shyness is to make it easier for them to have situations where they can challenge themselves and face their insecurities and meet people. For example, going to the park with him allows you not only to share time together but also to be able. get in touch with your peers. It is important that at least in the beginning you have a parent or someone you trust in you or around you, and that the little one is looking for support and feels more secure.

        6. Don’t force it!

        Although this may seem contradictory to the previous point, it is not. It is one thing to facilitate social contact for the child, but another to force him to do it when he does not want or does not force him to play with or approach children he does not know or wants. know. It will be seen as an imposition and as something aversive, Appearing resistance and making it difficult to really overcome shyness. It’s about the child that flows naturally, not how or when we want it to.

        7. Overprotection does not help

        It makes sense that we want our children, students or children in general to be safe and happy at all times. And like we said, criticizing, flagging, and experiencing social action as an obligation doesn’t help detract from the possibility of increasing their self-confidence. But putting them in a bubble where they do everything right, they do everything and nothing bad happens can also lead to the same thing: the child may feel unable to cope with real life, Not knowing how to react to environmental and social demands or to possible aversive elements.

        8. Give an example

        The little ones imitate what they see at home since childhood. One way to help them overcome their shyness is to act as role models when it comes to interacting with others. If they realize that proactivity and socialization are normal, they will learn the ways to have them observed and it will be easier for them to act in the same way.

        9. Encourages your decision-making and your responsibility

        One way to encourage the child to feel more confident is to involve him in the decision making. Suggest that you decide things, no matter how small they are (For example, where you feel like going or what you want to play), and making them effective allows you to see that your opinions are taken into account and have an effect on reality.

        10. Leisure

        Another aspect that can help shy children not to interfere with or even reduce their character is engaging in activities that interest them. Writing, board games, sports, painting, music, dancing, or cooking are some examples of activities they can enjoy, and fluency can increase self-confidence. Of course, again we remember that the child should love and not be pressured.

        11. Theater or games role

        Although it could indeed be included in the previous section, this element has been separated by the fact that the child has to take on the role or the role of another person or to be there, representing a number of characteristics and ways. to do that he doesn’t. t have to be theirs. The child can learn and observe other ways of acting. Interpretation generally favors the emergence of improvisation and having a fast pace that is always demanding usually doesn’t leave a lot of time to assess whether things are being done right or wrong.

        12. Encourage them to express themselves

        It’s important to keep in mind that shy children tend to keep things to themselves. This is why the use of techniques and activities that allow their expressiveness is useful. Drawing, symbolic play, or creating side stories are all good ways to do this.

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