Adolescence is a stage of discovery, of change, of decision-making, of awakening to the world through the very eyes of a child who gradually becomes a responsible adult.
It is a complex stage because the personality is still being built., And there are significant changes in the school context.
Adolescence: a (difficult) path to follow
During psychological consultations, complaints from parents are frequent. Irritable teenagers who don’t play by the rules, Who start to have dangerous friendships and who have academic problems.
From the perspective of parents, adolescence is often described as a time of many fights, confrontations and arguments, to the point where the situation can become totally unbearable. What to do when living with teenagers at home? Is there a guide for parents in difficulty?
You are interested in reading: “Rebellious teens: 6 tips for parents in difficulty”
Tips for a good coexistence with adolescents
Problems have a solution, and although adolescence is a complicated age, everything can be cured if the right educational seeds are sown.
Then we offer you some advice, both educational and communicative, Which can help you enjoy your children’s teenage years more.
1. Let’s explore the world
Young people have to define many aspects of their life: their personality, their friendships, their preferences … This is normal, and understand that they can be inconsistent in their opinions and tastes. This way they try and decide; that’s how they can finally make decisions.
Just as adults need time to shop, just as a teenager seeks to make the best decision, he is only beginning to do it, to discover himself, and so it takes time to develop this skill.
2. Let’s listen to them sincerely
We need to teach (and encourage) adolescents to express their thoughts and feelings. Therefore, the most important thing is that we listen to them without judging, criticizing or humiliating.
Young people generally do not speak to their parents precisely because they do not know how to listen to them and perceive them as a threat, as adults who only want to correct and punish them. But we have to remember that when a young person comes to us to speak, it is because he really needs it, he needs to be heard, and the worst thing we can do is preach them and judge them negatively. If we want our children to trust us, we must offer our sincere help when they need it, so that they know that we are a faithful support. Anyway, we must not solve their problems for them: doing it for themselves will allow them to take responsibility and mature.
3. We accept your criteria and your decisions
If these are decisions that won’t hurt you, let them choose. This point is very difficult for many parents because they are used to deciding for their children and obviously they always decide what they think is best for them.
This is the time when they have to make their own decisions, even if those decisions are against our tastes or our way of thinking. The most common examples: how to dress, the music they listen to, physical appearance, among others. These are aspects of their life that we can try to influence with our left hand, but never impose our judgment on them.
4. Make mistakes: mistakes can also be learned
As adults, we know that our teens need to experience the good and bad things in life, behind their learning and maturing development. We can’t lock our kids in a glass bubble, we have to let them grow up. In other words, we have to let them think, think, act and, of course, make mistakes, because mistakes allow them to mature. Sentences like “I told you …” “Don’t make me cry, I warned you” and so on negate the possibility that the child feels entitled to be wrong. it to make your own decisions without making mistakes?
We must keep in mind: we are also afraid of being parents and especially of making mistakes. During our life, surely we have made many mistakes, these have allowed us to mature and grow, and our loved ones have forgotten the bad times. Now the teenager can feel the fear of being an adult in his skin, but it comforts him to know that his parents love him, despite his mistakes. Support them, guide them and when they are wrong, teach them to take responsibility for the consequences..
5. We learn to apologize if we made a mistake
The best way to teach is by constant example. If as parents we make a mistake, we better apologize and rectifyThis is the most important sign of maturity that can be taught to a child.
It is precisely at this stage of adolescence that children begin to realize their parents’ mistakes, so adults tend to get irritated more easily, as our children think, analyze, compare, decide and , consequently, form an idea or a critique of the environment. , as well as our abilities as parents. Unfortunately, many adults wait and demand that our children apologize when they commit a crime, but we as adults rarely do so. We are afraid of showing ourselves weak in front of him. However, apologizing is an act of maturity and courage, and it is not true that we lose our credibility or our power in front of our children. On the contrary: we will earn their respect and admiration.
6. We are not responsible for our mistakes
Many parents, consciously or unconsciously, want to prevent their children from making the same mistakes they made in the past, and even they fear being as rebellious as they were when they were young.
We need to overcome our fears and stop extrapolating our fears and desires to them. Our children build their own personality and their own path; we must be there to support and help them.
7. Let’s be brave: help them be who they want to be
Having children is one of the most intense experiences we can have as human beings. Our role as parents is to make them authentic, independent and successful beings., Autonomous people who know how to forge their own path towards a full and happy life.
Of course, we shouldn’t try to make copies of ourselves to our teens: give them the tools they need to grow and let them choose their own path, As much in the academic field, of work, of love … as in any other aspect.
Some final thoughts
When boundaries and discipline are set from childhood, an atmosphere of trust and respect is fostered, autonomy and confidence are encouraged, and the necessary conditions are provided for children to move successfully to a new stage: adolescence. While it is true that parents are very afraid of the arrival of this vital stage in their children – sometimes more in the parents than in the young people themselves -, the reality is that she usually goes through it without further difficulty.
Unfortunately, it is often at this stage that the adolescent becomes aware of a number of emotional impairments that were not provided to him in childhood. Consequently, the parents often use ‘adolescence’ as a smokescreen to avoid thinking or deal with whatever we let go. Of course, it is in this area that parents “suffer”, and it is therefore necessary to have some tools to know how to cope with change.
We hope you find these tips helpful in enjoying the “wake up in the world” scene. The task is not easy, the training of human beings is certainly an enterprise suitable only for the brave.: You will have to constantly review our way of educating and correct certain aspects if necessary. The important thing is that we are always on time, it is enough to show good will.