What are the psychological problems to avoid hooking up?

The attachment we establish to our parents during childhood greatly influences how we experience the first few years of our life and whether we are more or less happy at this stage of development. However, it doesn’t just affect us in this way: it also leaves a mark on how we grow psychologically.

In fact, developing one attachment style or another can cause us to experience various forms of discomfort in our adult lives. In this article we will focus on psychological problems that can appear if our personality has consolidated on an avoidant attachment basis.

    What is preventive hooking up?

    To understand what preventative adhesion is, you must first start with attachment theory, developed primarily by psychiatrist John Bowlby in the 1970s and 1980s. It is one of the most important theories in the history of developmental psychology, and is based on the idea that the connection we make with the main figures of child support (in practice, parents) have a great influence on the way we develop psychologically. and consolidate one or the other type of personality.

    According to attachment theory, it is not possible to grow taller if one develops a certain attachment style, for better or for worse; in fact, even boys and girls who experience negligent treatment by their caregivers do. It should not be forgotten that, in this case, attachment is a psychological process which, even if it involves more than one person, has its seat in the mind of the little one. It should not be based on a balanced or corresponding emotional bond.

    Because in our childhood we learn about ourselves and the world based on what the adults who care for us offer us, knowing what to expect from them predisposes us to feeling in some way. another when we interact with the environment. It is not the same to know that we have the physical and emotional support of a father or a mother, to see how they only provide us with the physical resources necessary to survive in the short term.

    According to the hooking theory, this first set of experiences and expectations associated with our relationship with these protective figures will mark the way we treat other relationships. that we establish for the rest of our lives.

    Avoidant attachment is therefore one of the different attachment styles that we can develop from our childhood. This is characterized by the fact that the children who develop it treat the caregiver in the same way as others treat them, without expressing satisfaction with their presence or actively seeking it.

    They are little ones who hardly explore their environment, whether or not they are with the protection figure, and who avoid or ignore interactions with the parent or legal guardian. This usually occurs in parenting models in which the child is poorly cared for beyond ensuring his or her survival.

      Main problems related to preventive hooking up

      Because attachment styles have a great influence on how the personality develops, the way it is expressed through specific actions can vary. However, it is possible to find general behaviors associated with one or another style of hooking up, and that each person will characteristically externalize depending on the environment in which they live.

      In the case of preventive attachment issues and their consequences in adulthood, the following should be emphasized.

      1. Difficulties in creating emotional bonds based on commitment

      Many adults who have developed an avoidant attachment style find it difficult to maintain relationshipsbecause they attach great importance to their own independence and do not like the idea of ​​sacrificing part of it to fulfill a series of commitments.

        2. Lack of support due to low social support

        Due to their self-reliant lifestyle, many people who have grown from an avoidant attachment retain few friends when they enter adulthood and may reach a point where they find themselves in. unwanted loneliness due to not having properly cultivated their friendships. This causes them to adopt habits related to social isolation, which are physically and mentally unhealthy..

          3. Problems of excessive shyness

          In people in whom the avoidant attachment has consolidated into its anxious-avoidant version, it’s easy for fear issues to arise by showing your own vulnerabilities to others. These people often feel uncomfortable noticing how much little-known people want to interact with them.

            4. Frustration of seeing yourself in caring roles for others

            Aspects such as serving as an example for younger siblings or having to care for people in vulnerable situations that these people feel more frustrated than average.

              Do you want to benefit from professional psychological support?

              If you would like the support of a team of fully trained psychologists to help you overcome your emotional, behavioral or relationship issues, please contact us.

              A Advanced psychologists we have been serving the industry for over 20 years and currently assist patients of all ages through psychotherapy, speech therapy, neuropsychology, psychiatry and sexology. Sessions can be done in person at our center in Madrid, or online by video call.

              Bibliographical references

              • Bartholomew K, Horowitz LM (August 1991). Grip styles in young adults: a test of a four-category model. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 61 (2): p. 226 – 244.
              • Bretherton, I. (1992). The Origins of Bond Theory: John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth. Developmental Psychology, 28 (5): 759.
              • Duemmler, SL; Kobak, R. (2001). The development of commitment and affection in romantic relationships: the security of the bond as relational construction. Review of adolescents. 24 (3): 401-415.
              • Hazan, C .; Razor, PR (1990). Love and Work: A Theoretical Perspective on Attachment. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology 59: 270-280.
              • Sable, Pat (2008). What is the adult link ?. Journal of Clinical Social Work, 36: p. 21 – 30.

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