Surely at some point in our lives we have all been hurt and felt the need for revenge. As the saying goes, “Revenge is best served cold,” it’s best not to act impulsively. Also, after the initial anger, we often come to terms with the situation and put the idea of revenge aside.
However, there are individuals who are resentful and vengeful. In this article, we will talk about them and review their main features.
Difference between resentment and revenge
Resentment and revenge are feelings and actions that can be harmful not only to the person who is the victim, but also to the subject who is vindictive and resentful. And while these terms are often confusing, they are not the same.
Resentment arises after moral damage, when we feel something offends us and we want revenge, We want to pay for another with the same part, the famous “eye for an eye, tooth for a tooth”. However, when this revenge does not materialize, it remains in mere resentment, since resentment is a thought and revenge is an action, that is, when we behave in a hostile manner and want the other person suffers the consequences of hurting us. Although these are different phenomena, they go hand in hand.
Characteristics of avenging people
But, What are vengeful subjects like? What features do they have?
In the following lines, we answer these questions.
1. Lack of empathy
Lack of empathy is a hallmark of vengeful people. That’s not to say they don’t empathize with certain nearby circles, however. when anger appears empathy disappears.
Studies suggest that in order to hurt another person, we need to view them as a threat and not empathize with them. This is a trait that psychopaths show, as you can see in our article “Psychological Profile of a Psychopath, in 12 Undeniable Traits”.
2. Poor self-knowledge
These people are generally people with a low capacity for emotional self-knowledge., Who are unable to detect when they are feeling anger and when they are about to explode out of resentment.
Resentment makes the person miserable, and instead of focusing on themselves and accepting the situation, it puts them in a vicious cycle where you have to hurt the other person.
3. Emotional mismanagement
Poor management of emotions is accompanied by poor management of emotions, Because if resentment and thoughts of revenge go undetected, it is difficult to avoid them.
We have all felt great pain at times and wished the person who caused it to suffer in their own flesh, but not all of us act and come because we know that in the long run it does not benefit us. not and can harm us. .
4. They believe they have the absolute truth
These are usually individuals who believe that their truth is the absolute truth and that they do not make mistakes. They are intolerant and have rigid thinking. They feel offended at a minimum, when someone doesn’t act or think like them. They may appear beautiful, but they hide a great deal of aggression if things are not the way they want them to be.
5. Dichotomous thinking
This mental rigidity leads them to have a dichotomous thought, in which all is good or bad.. They do not see the nuances that can exist in life and in interpersonal relationships.
For example, when a love affair is going through a bad time due to a lack of dialogue (and the other person doubts it), they may want revenge on their partner instead of understanding that the situation and the ongoing conflicts can often lead us to be confused. What is needed now is to communicate and be empathetic, not vindictive.
6. They don’t forgive and forget
Vengeful people are resentful people because they don’t forget. Taking the dichotomous thinking I talked about in the previous point, they don’t accept the situation they see as a threat.
By not forgiving, they live anchored in the past, far from the present which is the well-being of a person. Even though we are sometimes unaware, forgiveness has many benefits and is essential for our emotional balance. We tell you in our article “Pardon: Should I or shouldn’t I forgive those who hurt me?”.
7. They don’t learn from the past
So, these are individuals living in the past, remembering how it hurt them again and again. Bad past experiences are great opportunities for growth, but you need to take advantage of them and not take them as personal. Otherwise, it is impossible to move forward.
8. They are proud people
Vengeful people are generally proud people, who think that others are attacking them.. This causes a defensive attitude that does not promote the smooth running of interpersonal relationships.
Although they are strong, in reality they show weakness, because when one has confidence in oneself, he / she accepts the situation and moves on.
9. They live an eternal drama
There are people who walk through life with optimism, who face the obstacles they encounter along the way, and who turn the page when overcome. But such people keep resentment and revenge deep within them and continually rekindle them. Instead of getting over it and moving on with your life, they actually recreate themselves over and over again.
10. They are not safe
Confident people don’t care more about the facts that affect them. They can be boring when a personal relationship is having a hard time, but then they move on. They live their lives to the fullest because they know they have to go their own way to achieve their personal development and achieve the goals they want to achieve.
To be avenging is to want to hurt others and to divert the individual from the path he must follow in order to be happy. Revenge may seem like a good option at one point, but in the long run it can be detrimental.