We have all met resentful people throughout our lives. Whether by a friend, partner or family member. The latter, unlike the first two, we do not choose, so we may have to face a complex situation.
On the other hand, it is common for a love affair to break down, and due to the intensity of the feelings characteristic of such relationships, a great resentment towards the other person arises. At least until we accept the breakup.
The difference between resentment and revenge
Resentment is a type of moral damage, for which we feel offended and want revenge. Emotions arise such as hatred, anger and the desire to make others pay for what they have done to us (or we think they have done to us).
But is it the same resentment and the same revenge? We could say that resentment is the feeling that we have been hurt, but revenge is when we behave in a hostile manner and want the other person to suffer the consequences of hurting us. Resentment and revenge usually go hand in hand, although the latter doesn’t always materialize.
Characteristics of irritated people
But what is it that characterizes a resentful person? How to recognize such individuals? here are the 10 traits or attitudes that characterize resentful people.
1. Don’t forgive or forget
Resentful people often say they forgive … but they don’t forget. In reality, they don’t forgive or forget, because if they really forgave, they would forget. Not forgiving means that what happened is still present and that is why they feel it. The best way to forget something is to forgive. And forgiveness, although sometimes difficult for us to see, is necessary to maintain emotional balance.
In this regard, you might be interested in our article: “Pardon: Should or should I not forgive who has harmed me?”
2. They don’t learn from the past
Resentful people they don’t learn from the past and are stuck in the facts that happened to them. Instead of seeing bad experiences as opportunities for growth, they take everything as a personal thing, which keeps them from moving forward.
3. They think they are never wrong
These individuals they think they are perfect and they make no mistakes. They are intolerant and overly rigid and when someone doesn’t act the way they want they tend to be very harsh on others. We all have the right to make mistakes, it’s part of life.
4. Everything is white or black
these individuals they move at the ends: either everything is white or everything is black. In other words, there is no middle ground. Good-evil does not always explain what goes on in interpersonal relationships, as they influence many variables in our behavior.
5. They are very proud
As uncompromising people, irritated people are also proud. At first they take it as a personal thing and think they are stuck. It prompts them to get on the defensive and try to be strong. The truth is, being a proud individual shouldn’t be an indicator of being a mentally strong person, but rather a symptom of weakness.
To stop being a proud person, you can read our article: “5 tips to stop being so proud”.
6. They always want to be in control
Resentful people are usually people who want everything under control. They don’t feel comfortable talking and don’t accept that other people have their opinion and taste different. As stated before, they are uncompromising and everything should match their perception of a perfect world.
7. They get offended easily
And of course, when that doesn’t happen, they get easily offended. Basically, resentment is a way of not accepting things and, in fact, can even mask one’s own insecurities. Resentment is not good because it keeps the wound open for a long time. It is better to accept and move on.
8. They always want to be right
But also insecurity it is linked to the desire to control everything and to always want to be right. Insecure people fear the opinions of others and feel uncomfortable when tested by others. They always want to be right and when that doesn’t happen, they don’t accept it.
9. Life is a drama for them
When we keep resentment in our hearts, life is not a pleasant place because you are constantly remembering what they have done to you and instead of overcoming it, you are recreating yourself in it. Resentful people they tend to resent more than one person and therefore turn their life into drama.
10. They cross paths better than others
As has already been said, resentment can be understood as not accepting what has happened and feeling that we have been hurt. But it’s still the perception of how we’ve been treated. Once the iron is released into the material, it will hardly affect us. Now, if we believe ourselves to be better than others and think that only they are doing things wrong, we will give more value than what happened.
Anyone can change
If you know someone who is resentful or has traits described yourself, do not worry. A change in attitude can make you see life in a different color and improve your personal relationships. If you see that you have more difficulty than expected to resolve this attitude, you can always consult a psychotherapist who can help you.