The 7 needs of narcissists (explained)

Narcissists have diverse needs, and none are psychologically healthy. Most are dominance oriented and use it to become the center of attention.

They can be captivating and then list in all kinds of detail the many flaws that you, yes you, have. Because nothing will recognize them that they are imperfect, even if at the bottom of their being it is what catches them the most.

You could say that the needs of narcissists they are quite varied. We will discuss them below not only with the aim of knowing them, but so that they also serve us to identify those narcissistic people in our environment who feed on care to the detriment of our health.

    What is the narcissistic personality?

    The needs of narcissistic people constitute a whole set of practices that are seriously detrimental to their immediate environment. Their way of being makes them comparable to real predators, except that unlike rex sharks, lions or tyrannosaurs in the wild, narcissists do so in human societies, looking for victims they can profit from. They don’t care about the context or the circumstances, they just care about being the center of attention or admiration of others, even if it means hurting other people.

    But while we may look like them as predators, they are different from those in nature because while a wild animal may come to it or already suggest danger to us, narcissists are always people whose first impression is that ‘he does not scare us. They are people who are very good at captivating, very pleasant at first, outgoing and knowing how to connect deeply with people. These are people who would not want to go through the head of the void, the instability and the evil that shelters its interior.

    Fortunately, psychologists know what they look like and we may need to have a hunch, at least slightly, when dealing with one. We know that narcissists have behaviors that fall on a spectrum, oscillating between prosocial and anti-social behaviors. That is, they can do good things for others, especially at the start of a relationship, and then they can do the worst of the worst, hurt.

    This behavioral ambivalence is what confuses its victims so much, which narcissists undoubtedly benefit from.: “Because I treat you badly?” Don’t you remember what I did for you? “,” You are the selfish! You are the one mistreating me! ”And so we could continue ad perpetuum.

    However they exercise their dominance and gain attention, one thing should be clear to us: they are deeply unhappy people. Narcissists are very complex about how they are, and would really like to be better, expert in absolutely every skill and well gifted in whatever comes to their mind. They want to be perfect, but they know they are not, and far from accepting their weaknesses and opposing them to their strengths, they prefer to look for the weaknesses of others to exaggerate them and still feel above them. ‘others. .

      What are the needs of narcissistic people?

      The needs of narcissistic people are diverse, and they serve all of us to understand that they are usually not happy people. Those with this personality type often experience continuous psychological discomfort, immersed in constant conflicts with those close to them, which results in unhealthy social relationships that keep deteriorating.

      This deterioration of relationships further increases the need for attention, external validation and domination. As a result, they gradually enter a vicious circle, the result of which is always the same: disagreements and loneliness. Even the most die-hard person in the social circle, whether a mother, father, siblings or friends, has a limit, especially if they have been subjected to the constant cruel treatment of the narcissist.

      He ends up losing relationships and returns to loneliness, where he realizes that there is no one without others to exploit. This causes him growing discomfort, a deterioration in his health that eventually motivates him to engage in risky behaviors, such as addictions.

      Below, we’ll take a deep look at what the needs of narcissistic personalities are. We are already noticing that some may even seem paradoxical to us.

      1. Love and admiration

      The narcissist needs a constant supply of admiration, validation and approval. He needs all those who are part of his social circle to be close to him, such as family, friends, partner, colleagues… They are very keen to be the center of attention in any situation, to achieve this thanks to this his conduct, with grandiloquent and extroverted gestures, hardly goes unnoticed.

      They want to be loved and admired, but they don’t reciprocate. You could say that they use the principle “I ask a lot and I don’t give a lot”. They demand a lot of attention, care, and admiration, but they never do it right. The closest thing to that, in case they return something, is hurtful love, without empathy and without reciprocity.

        2. Confidence in your own path

        Another need of narcissistic people is distort, interpret in their own way, trust. When we get to know them, they will make us believe that they are the people you can trust, the perfect people to visit at all times. They will come and convince us that no one understands us better than them, causing us to fall into their difficult web of escape.

        The ironic thing is that they they won’t trust us or anyone. They must put an emotional distance, be emotionally cold and suspicious. In fact, it is one of the main characteristics of narcissistic personality disorder.

          3. Need for control

          Controlling involves feeling empowered. Having one or more people under your domain to strengthen your identity, based on the idea that the more people you have under your influence, the more important it is. This obsession to control others, to take the helm in all circumstances, is in fact a way to hide their low self-esteem..

          They need to control you, to become their puppet, to feel happy for a minimum of a moment, believing that this is the right way to be someone important. If they do not succeed, if they do not obtain admiration and domination over others, they feel that they are nobody, that they are not worth the absolute, being aware of their many insecurities and low self-esteem. This is why we say they are predators because they need others to have self esteem and self identity.

          4. Need to lie

          They lie more than they speak. You could say that lying is the mother tongue. Narcissists they will try to make us believe in their infinite virtues, trying to convince us that by being by his side, only good and amazing things will happen to us. They will promise us a splendid life by their side, believing that they emit a sort of halo of good fortune and that whoever is near them will enjoy their triumph.

          Yet this triumph means nothing if it is based on imaginations, dreams, wonders and castles in the air, so light and weak that they fade away with the breath of common sense. But even if everything is made up, narcissists come to believe their own lies, turning their most absurd and surreal lies into reality, at least on the stage of their mind. It is a pointless task to try to discuss your antics if you are not a professional.

            5. Create fantastic stories

            Creating fantastic stories and making them profitable is a necessity that goes beyond lying.. It is a trait of narcissists to create an image of themselves, to come to terms with it, and later to try to trap it in their prey. Who says fantasy can’t be marketed? These people, men and women, are true merchants of fantasy, with a dazzling history with which to survive and climb. positions, gain influence.

            In order to take advantage of their disappointments, do not hesitate to to cross what for many mortals would be a sacred line, an impassable border: ethics and respect. It is the same as spreading false information, which is very damaging to other people or incurs serious signs of disrespect. Who will they respect if they consider others to be worth less than them? They lack scruples and it is feasible that they even commit criminal acts. After all, because they think they are above others, sometimes they feel like the law is wrong there.

            6. Concealment of their weaknesses

            To make sure that their story that they are above others is compelling, that they are better than others, and therefore have the right to step on them and get their attention constantly, narcissists are experts to hide their weaknesses. His insecurity, his low self-esteem, his fear of loneliness, his frustration … are all negative emotions which, in the form of silent self-criticism, cross his mind, being aware of all of the facts that would ruin his fantasies.

            They don’t want their weaknesses to be known. If it is already difficult for him to suffer from the inside, it will be more difficult for him to suffer from the outside.. These are people who feel empty, and you could say that their harmful, predatory, disrespectful behavior with people they say they want is actually a mechanism for dealing with psychological distress. They are so complex with themselves that in order to feel better they need to detect complexes, failures and weaknesses in others, exaggerate their importance and feel that others are worse than him.

              7. They are never to blame

              The narcissist is aware, at least to some extent, that he is not perfect, although he will never admit it.. This implies that in case of error, far from assuming the consequences, he will trap others. They are never to blame, if something bad has happened it must be because of other people, accusing them of doing it in a hurry or just because they are not as perfect as they are. them. wrong.

              Dating a narcissist means blaming ourselves all the time for bad things that happened in the relationship. Working with him means that the day a project is not delivered on time or a report was done incorrectly, the fault falls on us. Do what they do and do what you do, they are always victims of your bad deeds or the incompetence of others. You could say they are experts at making balls, even if it means destroying self-esteem and the feelings of others.

              Final reflection

              Seeing all of these narcissistic needs, enduring one can be psychologically very draining. Certainly, as you read them all, it occurred to you that someone with some of these characteristics and hopefully someone you can pull out of your life without much hassle, how be a coworker you barely interact with or a classmate who enjoys being the center of attention. If you move away from them, their influence has no effect.

              Things get complicated when that narcissistic person is closer, such as a “friend” or family member. Knowing how to recognize these types of people is essential, because the only thing they will take away from us if we do not put a little distance is discomfort and pain. It sounds cruel, but it is. Even if it is a family member or someone who has apparently done a lot for us, if their way of being is to violate our rights as individuals, it is better to keep them away. .

              Of course, putting distance is not easy. It can hurt us and we even remain as the villains of the movie, but we have to prioritize our sanity and not laugh at it thanks or respond to the selfish and cruel needs of a person who, as we said, is still a social predator. We should not have a person so complex with himself so close to us that, far from improving himself or accepting his faults, he seeks them in others to hurt them. The way they meet their needs is just another form of abuse. You have to avoid the clutches of these predators to be happy.

              Bibliographical references

              • Day, NJS, Townsend, ML and Grenyer, BFS (2020). Living with pathological narcissism: a qualitative study. advice personal disorder emot dysregul 7, 19.
              • Lamkin, J., Clifton, A., Campbell, W. and Miller, JD (2014). A review of perceptions of the characteristics of social networks associated with large and vulnerable narcissism. Personality Disorders: Theory, Research, and Treatment, 5 (2), 137-145. doi: 10.1037 / per0000024
              • Kacel, EL, Ennis, N., & Pereira, DB (2017). Narcissistic Personality Disorder in the Clinical Practice of Health Psychology: Case Studies of Comorbid Psychological Distress and Life-Limiting Illness. Behavioral Medicine (Washington, DC), 43 (3), 156-164. https://doi.org/10.1080/08964289.2017.1301875

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