In our immediate environment, there is always someone who uses emotional blackmail and all kinds of ploys to get people who say they want to do the unthinkable for them.
Emotional manipulators are people who, despite their inner insecurity, use the weaknesses and weaknesses of others to gain a position of domination and influence others to push their priorities forward to satisfy their selfish desires, using them as puppets. .
Then we will see exactly what an emotional manipulator is, What are its main characteristics and what to do to deal with them.
The emotional manipulator: what are his characteristics?
Emotional manipulators are people who use emotional blackmail strategies to get others to do whatever they want, as if they were their puppets. They convince and influence by using their grand oratory, being able to change things to their liking, and using psychological tricks, in addition to emotional exploitation, to control the will of the other.
Emotional manipulation occurs when the person manipulates she tries to persuade others to do things that are only right for her, not those who ask her the favor. This behavior differs from the social influence in which this behavior, which is healthy, is normal behavior in people and is part of the giving and receiving of any socially constructive human interaction. In contrast, in psychological manipulation, a person makes a profit at the expense of his victim.
In psychological manipulation, there can be all kinds of socially inappropriate behavior. Among them is to know and take advantage of the psychological weaknesses of their victim, so that they can determine the most effective tactics to achieve their goal. The abuser has no problem causing physical or emotional harm to their victim or using a high level of cruelty to achieve what is intended.
The manipulated person ends up being the victim of a situation that caused them to stop owning their own life. He cannot do what he wants and puts the other person above his own personal needs and interests. Their self-esteem ends up being very low, their self-esteem is non-existent, and these are insecure people who experience great sadness and discontent. And worst of all, they often justify the behaviors of their manipulators or even come to feel guilty about their situation.
Distinctive signals to be detected
There are several characteristics that characterize people who engage in emotional manipulation.
1. Few qualms
Emotional manipulators are people who are usually not too scrupulous about doing what they set out to do. Once they have detected their victim’s weak point, they will have no problem taking advantage of it by appealing to the most intense fears and apprehensions of their manipulation. By reaching its goal, they will gradually bring the victim into a dynamic in which she will end up abandoning her needs and her values, To sacrifice oneself to put oneself in front of those of the person who handles it.
While it may seem like the exact opposite, the truth is that manipulative people are very insecure and have very low self-esteem. They do their best not to see this weakness, hiding their fears, weaknesses and insecurities.
For this, they use a large repertoire of selfish and dominant behaviors, showing themselves to be superior to others, and make sure anyone who wants to manipulate sees him as someone who has the absolute truth. No one should know how insecure they are because, in case that is known, their influence will fall like a house of cards.
3. Little assurance
The manipulator’s insecurity causes him serious problems with assertiveness. They have a hard time saying things clearly, although this is also a point they use in their favor, Because not saying what they want first, using euphemisms and making twists, influences those who manage to manipulate. They use subtle means to get others to do what they want.
4. Little tolerance for frustration
They do not tolerate frustration at all and do not accept a “no” in response. At the very least, they feel that emotion or perceive that there is something that jeopardizes their position built through lies and exaggerations and their status of domination. they are alerted or attacked by the most extreme intolerance and the most cruel and destructive criticism to prohibit.
They resort to victimhood by using all kinds of exaggerated behaviors and blame things that did not happen or that did not happen. They exaggerate health issues, become addicted, and if they see the manipulated person trying to break free from their shackles, they become the most helpless and delicate victim. They may even say that their world will fall apart if the person they are manipulating comes to their side.
6. High level of requirement
As the last characteristic of emotional manipulators, we have their demand level is very high. The manipulator always wants more, no limit. He only thinks of himself and disproportionately, wanting to satisfy his own ego by manipulating his victim, without thinking for a moment what he feels or desires this person from whom he is asking for favors. He feels powerful because it’s like he has a slave.
How to deal with an emotional manipulator?
The first thing we need to do to deal with an emotional manipulator is to realize that we have rights and that we ourselves are people who are ahead of others on our priority list.
This should not be interpreted to mean that we should behave as emotional manipulators, but rather to understand that we have wants, rights and needs that come before others. Before helping others, we must do what we want.
We deserve respect and dignity. We have the right to express our opinions, feelings and desires as long as they are not offensive and aggressive. If we don’t want to do something, we have the right to say clearly and categorically ‘no’, we should not feel guilty about it. As we said, the manipulator can react very badly to this, but you have to understand that this is what it is. If what he asks of us is a great sacrifice for us, or even hurts us, it is not wrong not to do it.
It is important to develop our assertiveness, Clearly asking what he wants. Emotional manipulators are not straightforward in their demands at all, creating funnels that make us dizzy and catch us in their web of deception. We need to ask him clear questions about what he wants, try to make it as clear as possible for him about his intentions, what he expects from us and why he wants us to be close. If you don’t ask us a little clearly and explicitly, we won’t grant it to you. If you want something, say it, but don’t use its influence, we don’t give you that pleasure.
Over time, the emotional manipulator will see that his techniques are not working with us, and the most effective is that he has to make direct requests. These are much easier to dismiss and less frustrating for us to disagree. If we don’t want to do this, we have to express it clearly and explicitly.
If it has already manipulated us, but later achieved something that will make us angry, we can use it for our own benefit. The situations in which emotional manipulators use their tricks are usually very similar, so we can learn from the one in which he has achieved what he planned to do. So we can keep thinking about an answer for the next time I try again and use it to confuse.
The presence of a third person can prevent the emotional manipulator from achieving his goal. The manipulator knows that his behavior is socially bad and he will not have the courage to do it in front of a person he does not know. To do this, you risk receiving a dose of reality, being ridiculed, showing your insecurity, and showing how badly you treat your loved ones. If even with these the emotional manipulator stops trying to manipulate us, at least we will have the opinion of a third person, who we can ask for your opinion and use as a fulcrum to free us. .
Finally, the best way to prevent ourselves from being manipulated is the most drastic and the most obvious, but also the most delicate. It’s about confronting the person who manipulates us, telling him clearly that we have had enough of him abusing us, and that it is over. The best way to do this, to confront an emotionally manipulative person, is to do it calmly, using logical arguments and, if you don’t care about the reasons, go away, put some distance.
We should never resort to violence, be it physical or verbal, because it will have ex post facto reasons to try to manipulate us and use the corner of “but remember what you did to me. “. We won’t give him that satisfaction, let alone when he or she has hurt us even more.
- DeGue, S. and DiLillo, D. (2005). “I would if you loved me”: towards a better conceptual and etiological understanding of non-physical male sexual coercion. Aggression and Violent Behavior, 10, 513-532.
- Van Dijk, T. (2006). Speech and manipulation: theoretical discussion and some applications. Revista Signes, 39 (60): 49-74.
- Braiker, Harriet B. (2004). Who shoots you? How to break the cycle of manipulation. ISBN 978-0-07-144672-3.
- Simon, George K (1996). In sheep’s clothing: understanding and managing manipulative people. ISBN 978-1-935166-30-6.