10 actions that help us (and how to avoid)

When we talk about communication, we usually think of verbal language (oral or written) first as a means of expressing ideas, feelings, intentions and emotions. Messages sent in this way are almost always fully conscious and voluntary, controlling and choosing both what we say and what we don’t say.

However, we must keep in mind that everything, and not just the verbal, is communicative: from distances to posture, through gestures, it transmits information. It’s part of non-verbal language.

And not in all the aspects mentioned, we have the same control: for example, although we may use gestures consciously during our speech, we also continually make body expressions and gestures unconsciously and unintentionally, which can betray our thoughts, our thoughts, our thoughts. feelings or even unintended elements of our personality. As an example, in this article let’s look at a series of gestures that betray us, Leaving aspects of us to see unconsciously.

    The main types of language

    As we have seen, each act and even its absence are communicative. When evaluating a communicative exchange between two or more people, we generally take into account two types of language: verbal and non-verbal.

    Verbal language would refer to verbal or written communication through the use of the word com symbolic element of information representation, Be the content of the message that is relevant.

    As for non-verbal language, it integrates all the elements through which we transmit information regardless of the verbal content that we express or do not express. The non-verbal language is thus integrated by the proxemic language, the paraverbal language and the kinesico language.

    Proxemia is the use of distances as an element of communication, and paraverbal language is configured by the set of qualities of the voice or the use of the word that do not refer to the content but to the format such as intonation or the volume used. With regard to kinesics or kinetic language, this one integrates set of movements, gestures, expressions and postures that we have performed during the act of communication and who are able to transmit information, being this one capable of modulating the perception, meaning and interpretation of the message.

    A dozen gestures that betray you

    There are many things we do throughout the day, often used on purpose. however, we are not so used to controlling our expressions and often we don’t even realize we’re performing them, revealing parts of our psyche or a way of interacting with one another in an unconscious way. Some gestures are uncontrollable and cannot be forced naturally. But others can be changed if we realize it and get used to doing them or if we stop doing them.

    Below, we will show about ten gestures that betray us in our interactions, as well as their general meaning. Now we have to keep in mind that each person is a world and the same gesture can have very different interpretations depending on the personality or postural habits of the person performing it, or the situation.

    So, although the gestures we are about to mention often have specific meanings, seeing a person perform a certain gesture does not necessarily imply that they are feeling a certain emotion, expressing a specific facet of their personality, or reacting in a specific way. to the person. communicative exchange.

    1. Arms crossed on the chest

    An easily visible classic this gesture is often used in cases of anger or impatience towards another person or a situation. However, it is also established as a gesture which involves the need to establish a separation or barrier between us and each other, Either through insecurity or disinterest.

    If deemed necessary, this move can be easily avoided on a physical level, although it can be helpful to work on frustration tolerance or perform training to promote self-confidence.

    2. Arms in jars

    Holding your hips with your hands can have two basic meanings, which are widely opposed. The first of these and probably the best known is that associated with the existence of anger or impatience, while on the other hand it can also indicate a lack of security that makes us try to enlarge ourselves by observing others.

    In fact, the two interpretations have one thing in common: They relate to taking a defensive stance and being safe, making us more visible both if we do it from a more aggressive perspective and if we do so. let’s do it as a method to try to protect ourselves.

    The way to avoid making this gesture is to go through it first listening to yourself and understanding our emotional reaction to circumstances or people, Looking for an alternative or a solution to what generates the need to do so.

    3. Handshake

    One of the possible gestures that betray us since they can give more information than what is offered happens when we give or someone shakes hands with us. Although this is a type of conscious movement, it includes aspects that may be out of control, such as the level of force applied or whether or not it is accompanied by some other type of physical contact.

    A contact without force or in which only the fingers are given usually expresses little self-confidence and security, nervousness, Rejection or lack of interest in own interaction.

    On the other hand, 1 adjustment too strong can give the idea of ​​wanting to overwhelm the otherAssume a dominant and aggressive position, but in turn can show confidence and assertiveness. If we add some other contact, such as grasping the forearm with the other hand, we can suggest either a desire for closeness or an attempt to exert control over the situation or the interaction. Nervousness can also be expressed in the form of sweat.

    Ideally, try to control your nerves before shaking hands, as well as rehearsing with others the level of strength to be imparted in the cramp, which should be firm and determined but gentle enough not to be aggressive. In case of perspiration, it may be advisable to dry your hands before giving it, in a natural and imperceptible way (for example, in a disguised way against the pants).

    4. Shoulder orientation

    Often times we don’t realize how expressive parts like the shoulders can be. The orientation and inclination of these forwards, towards the other, suggests general interest (Regardless of the type of interest) in the person you interact with or what you tell us. Conversely, if the shoulders are directed towards the sides of the body or towards the back, it may indicate indifference, disinterest or boredom.

    In this sense, knowing this fact and correcting posture can come to control whether we are aware, throwing the shoulders at your convenience or maintaining the same posture throughout the interaction.

    5. Inflate the chest

    Inflating the chest is a gesture that can be subconscious and may reflect an attempt to appear taller, used as a gesture with which to pretend to impress or show strength. It can be a defensive or even aggressive move.

    In another context, both in men and in women and regardless of sexual orientation, the fact of swelling the breast is used unconsciously. in front of people who stimulate and attract us. In this sense, men inflate the chest to show power and increase the figure, while women tend to seek postures that highlight their breasts.

    If we do not want to show this interest and the gesture is unconscious, it will not be possible to stop it, but it is possible to carry out muscle tension and breathing workouts that facilitate scanning and performing this gesture.

    6. Avoid staring

    Avoiding the gaze of our interlocutor is generally a symptom of nervousness, and is one of the gestures that betray us in different situations. This nervousness can come from different types of situations and emotions: it is common for people who lie to look away, but also it can be done out of shyness or feeling overwhelmed by the other person, For discomfort or even to feel attraction for our interlocutor.

    The alternative is to try to keep the gaze fixed for a reasonable amount of time, blinking regularly (lack of blinking is often associated with aggression or attempted cover-up) but not excessively. However it’s something very difficult to control.

      7. Cover your mouth with a smile

      This gesture is usually a sign of shyness, shame, and insecurity, or an attempt to disguise a reaction that might harm the other person or that we just didn’t want to be seen.

      If one does not want to project an image of shyness or vulnerability, it is recommended to try to control covering show smile directly.

      8. Scratch the ear

      While it is obvious that scratching the ear can be the product of different types of itching, in many cases this gesture is used unconsciously in situations that tire or annoy us, and which we wish to put an end to. sometimes the same can be said of people who quickly scratch their beards.

      Avoiding these types of gestures is difficult because real itching can appear, and to do this, control your hands and avoid bringing them closer to your face.

      9. Show your palms

      As for the palm of the hand, if it is offered and remains upright and towards the interlocutor it generally indicates openness and acceptance towards others, respect or in other cases submission. In contrast, when in our gestures what we offer to the other is the back or we protect the palm, we express insecurity, the desire for separation or concealment of feelings and / or authority.

      Knowing this fact can make us consciously change our habitual gesture and we can get used to it.

      10. Legs crossed inward, supporting toes, not heels

      Also, when we sit down, the way we do it shows aspects of our personality. For example, sitting cross-legged and facing inward (i.e. leaving feet aligned with the trunk) and in such a way that only the toes are in contact with the ground usually indicates shyness , submission and / or shame towards you feel defensive. Other postures, such as having your legs open and apart, involve extraversion and / or arrogance.

      Thus, this type of gesture is generally linked to the personality. However, it can also be acquired or modified on the basis of creating new habits while sitting. The ideal would be to maintain a relaxed and comfortable posture, which does not weigh down the legs and in general between the two cases mentioned above.

      Bibliographical references:

      • Messinger, J. (2008). These gestures that betray you. First (general editions).

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