5 beliefs that keep you from coping with change in tough times

For some time now, I have tried to be more aware of the impermanence present in everyday life. I noticed that, although intellectually we know things change, we don’t really perceive it that way in everyday life, unless these are very obvious changes or we decide to pay attention to them.

We have this idea of ​​continuity, solidity and permanence of things, situations and people in our lives.

    The illusion of denial of change

    If we recognize that at some point they will change or go away, we do so with the future in mind, not the present. If things are going well for us right now, this future vision of change may scare us, so we don’t want to lose what we have. If they aren’t good times, there can be a mixture of desire for transformation and fear that they will stay the same.

    In fact, in difficult times, we often think that our painful emotions and thoughts will never end. However, these are the moments of the greatest transformation.

    However, the resistance and the ideas we have about change, contribute to our feeling of going through a crisis when difficulties arise, to prolong and intensify the pain and to cause unnecessary suffering. Many times fear can cripple despite knowing what life demands of us at any given time.

    We will publish again and again the actions necessary to support the change, Because we do not tolerate the uncertainty of not knowing exactly where we are going. Or we rush into action without measuring the consequences. Confidence in inner wisdom and life itself is required.

    Recognizing the impermanence of things transforms our way of life

    We begin to live the day to day as if it were the last because we understand the finiteness of life. We appreciate the people we have by our side, we share this skill or this talent that we have today, we stop deferring the reception to someone who interests us.

    We take the time to watch a sunset, because it’s never the same. We so cease to identify with the mental histories and emotions of the moment, including our roles and identities, because they are not fixed and unalterable either. We started to love each other unconditionally, not as we went along. We start to love each other in good times and bad and love others too, so impermanence.

      Beliefs that prevent us from adapting to change

      Living with true well-being means knowing how to accept the change and uncertainty inherent in being alive. The beliefs we have about what life should be like and how things should go, they greatly influence how to deal with change, but we are usually not very aware of them, until the moment comes to test us. Here are some beliefs.

      1. Believe that our expectations and desires must always be met.

      It involves believing that life should always be good and that things should always go well for us, according to the life plan we have. It is seeking constant security and forgetting the suffering and uncertainty that come with life. When you think like that, you feel angry with people, life, the universe and even with a higher power. not to meet our expectations. We believe this is unfair and that if others love us, including God, they should please our desires. We try to deal with the situation by blaming this higher power, on life or on someone else.

      This belief also affects impatience. You have to expect immediate satisfaction from your efforts, want to see the expected changes already made and not tolerate frustration. He doesn’t want to go through the transformation process or do it quickly, but you get your results. As Maya Angelou said: “We marvel at the beauty of the butterfly, but rarely admit that the changes it has undergone is what it is.”

      2. Tendency to think of change as negative and painful

      This is how often we anticipate the worst. Believing that change or what is to come is negative especially if we like how things are going right now, it makes uncertainty painful.

      While all changes are certainly not pleasant, the resistance we exert and the meaning we give to the experience make it more difficult to manage and hurt more. For example, thinking that aging is negative makes it difficult to endure age with dignity and ** may lead people to want to avoid it by damaging their health ** and appearance through excessive use of cosmetic procedures.

      Likewise, this belief forgets that life is human friendly and that although we often do not understand the significance of certain events at the moment, life experiences are like treasures that close the opportunity for inner growth. and transformation. No matter how unfavorable the experience is, if we want to, we can learn valuable lessons to continue our life path with greater openness.

      3. Deceive and pretend that the changes are not happening.

      He refuses to see reality. Sometimes there are things that have already completed a cycle in our lives. It could be a relationship, a way of doing things that has become stale, a business, or an unhealthy lifestyle.

      However, we can resist and drag out the pain, keeping the hope that what has already been overcome will improve, waiting for different results from the same actions or avoiding facing the truth by succumbing to the constants and distractions of modern life. It is important to know when it is time to let go of something that is no longer working in our lives and to take different action.

      It is also unrealistic to wish or believe that the people, situations and things around us do not change, that they will always be there or they will be the same over time. Thinking about the people we love and who are a part of our lives, resisting change can diminish our ability to be with them through the difficult changes they are going through.

      Accidents and illnesses they can change in appearance and affect the mental and physical capacities of those close to us. Can we continue to love and support them in the impermanence of it all? Can we continue to love each other if we are the ones going through these changes?

      Finally, another way to be wrong is to believe that the change is in the future and not now. We generally think that we will die someday, and not that it can happen at any time. It keeps us from enjoying each day as if it were our last, from appreciating the present moment whether it’s nice or bad, and from thanking absolutely everything we have today without taking anything for granted.

        4. Believe that you must always know where you are going to take action.

        While there are changes that we make by choice, with a direction and a reason in mind as to why we are doing it, there are others that slowly develop in our lives without our even asking for them. For example, one day ending up with the job you have chosen is not what you thought or it does not make you as happy as before. Surely you would have liked not to reach that turning point where circumstances and your feelings require you to take a new direction, even more, when you don’t know what else to do … or if you know, you don’t know what will be. around the corner or what will be the outcome.

        Sometimes you have to live a period of discovery of the following, In which you take steps by intuition, but you don’t know exactly where they are leading you.

        When we don’t know how to live with uncertainty, we make life transitions more difficult. How? ‘Or’ What Are you speeding up the process ?, How do you force yourself to know what is not yet in you to know? Climb the mountain maybe having an idea of ​​what we can find, but we can never be entirely sure.

        We would like to know how our life will go step by step, we want to be prepared. But it’s a relief that we weren’t, as we’d be missing out on much of the magic that life has that is found in uncharted territories. Not knowing that there are surprises, and many of them can open doors for you to destinations you never imagined possible.

        5. Believe that this value depends on what we do and have

        It is the idea that the presence of certain things in our lives define or determine personal worth. these things are usually external such as the presence of a socially valued physical appearance, good income, good job, prestige, power, etc. No it is surprising that when these things change for a short or indefinite period of time, a person feels that they are no longer of value and that it is difficult for them to manage the change.

        This belief then forgets to recognize the unconditional and inherent worth of human beings. The value is neither comparable nor competing. Value does not have to be gained or tested because it already exists in us and does not depend on external factors. To continue to nurture this belief is to live with an unstable sense of worth which varies with the presence or absence of these things and diminishes the ability to flow with change.

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