Are we afraid of being ignored?

Being invisible to society and at the same time being recognized for it are two more interconnected phenomena than you might think. One of our nightmares is repudiated like an outcast by the people around us. To be invisible or not to be, to be ignored among our peers, can become decisive in life, with important consequences for our way of being.

of Psychology and the mind we explain the causes of this reality that many people suffer from, and we will try to propose solutions

Our worst nightmare: being ignored by others.

I’m sitting at a bar table, enjoying a good beer while listening to other people’s conversations between customers. In Spain. If you want to know something go straight to a bar, maybe because of that bad habit of raising your voice you always end up finding out everything even if you don’t want to.

I turn my gaze to a boy who has chosen a secluded spot to dazzle in his reading hobby. The waiter has already served three tables before diners come to him later. The boy looks at the waiter impatiently but he doesn’t see him, he looks like a ghost. Yet a middle aged gentleman walks into the establishment and everyone discovers his presence, they turn to him, he is a recognized customer, one of a lifetime.

The waiter knows exactly what this gentleman is going to have for breakfast and is in a rush to serve between effusive conversations. The boy is more and more irritatedNot only because he feels despised but also because of the histrionic joy between the client and the server. Finally, he ends up calling the waiter and leaves with a furrowed brow.

Invisible people in the society of the image

This event made me think that in a society as visual as the West, everything is easily digestible slogans.. We have a vital obligation to portray absolutely everything, And a photo is always easy to digest (as they say, a photo is better than a thousand words).

We have developed the need to always be in the picture, and when that doesn’t happen, the world is beyond us. The following questions should then be asked; What do we want to see in each image? How do we want to be seen or remembered? And to top it all: What do you really see in a photo?

This mystery has an answer: the information deposited in our brain, that is to say all the data that we have introduced into the mind, including the psychic dynamics transformed into a habit and which forms the collection of concepts that we have about our own being, society and the environment around us. In short, categorized information that has also been nourished by family, cultural and social idiosyncrasy.

From there, we structured our psyche, into a complex system that obeys patterns that have been mechanized like a gear in the deeper subconscious. When someone looks at us, he does not do it through his eyes but through his mind, and sees (or rather interprets) what he has experienced.

Loneliness vs. business

In our concept of ourselves (the concept of the self), both the drive to be absent and the propensity to be present coexist. In some areas of our life we ​​would like to have wide recognition while in others we have to disappear from the face of the Earth, to be completely invisible.

Switch between this need for recognition and the need to not attract attention this is something completely normal and logical, because throughout our life we ​​go through different contexts both personal and social. The problem arises when one becomes morally obsessed with a single need, because the sufferer applies the same patterns and rules to totally different situations, thus generating a feeling of frustration.

This is when the psyche must create a new perspective on the world and on itself.

“The worst sin towards our fellow human beings is not to hate them, but to treat them with indifference, this is the very essence of humanity”

-Shakespeare

The fear of not having emotional ties

Our greatest fear is to be looked down upon, ignored or looked down upon. Relationships are most productive when they are stable, when emotional bonds are created that offer the subject long-term protection (since we are no longer social animals). The question is to know how the empirical experiences which we live determine and condition different affective styles.

When certain affective styles go beyond the norm, society generally rejects the members who possess them, because since it does not fulfill the social canons previously established. Just as many recognitions are unfair, disproportionate or exaggerated, a large percentage of social exclusion is also unfair. Many times we brag about our justice, but we always end up making certain groups invisible, this is the evil of our century. At home, we are more worried about not standing out than doing it, even if it has a negative effect.

“There is only one thing in the world worse than what they talk about you, and that is that they don’t talk about you.”

-Oscar Wilde

Between reality and appearances

The visible photo is due to social adjustment issues, like the bar guy who only stood out when he called the waiter. But I’m sure the boy doesn’t like anger. It did not occur to him to be noticed through dialogue and assertiveness.

however, these situations are also due to certain illusions and expectations; they do great feats or try to attract attention in order to receive rose petals and applause accompanied by drumbeat, but it remains a simple disappointment as we are not recognized for who we are but for what we are seem to be.

Reductionism of the senses

Many emperors, generals and rulers of antiquity feared that they would not be recalled, and this fear hides an even greater fear; afraid of being ignored. Do we exist if no one sees us? And too bad, it would be enough for everyone to accept each other, With all the virtues and faults, but for that it is necessary to value, as transmitters and receivers, all the senses, perhaps in this way one does not give so much importance to the image.

But sooner or later the neighbor’s gaze arrives; it can be a positive or a negative judgment. Or much worse: we can be relegated to the halftones of indifference, This gray color that smacks of mediocrity and in which we do not want to suffocate. It is just at the worst times, right now, that it is shown whether we are capable of loving ourselves or not.

In conclusion, it’s about doing an introspective analysis and moreWe could start by including the sense of hearing in an entirely visual world. The problem is not to be seen, but to not be heard and not to know how to listen, among other things. We need to sharpen our hearing more and our sight less! “We have to stimulate all the senses!

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