Autumn begins in our latitudes. The days are getting shorter, the temperatures are starting to drop and the light is accompanied by a certain darkness absent from summer. From golden tones to copper tones. Likewise, even in cities so disconnected from the countryside, it smells different. There is something more humid which, together with the rest of the modifications in progress, makes us experience a noticeably different olfactory landscape.
Those who live in this environment are affected by these changes. The organization of our lives is marked by it. School and professional courses begin, we change our eating and leisure habits, to name just a few of the most obvious aspects.
A period of transition
More deeply, autumn is a time of transition, of frontier. For most of us, there are aspects of our lives that we question. It’s time to reconsider, to feel that the way our life is in some aspects no longer serves us, no longer meaningful.
Transitions take time, because what was present in our lives came to meet a series of needs. In a way, during the fall, in its deep psychological meaning, is when we feel that something that has always been present in our lives has to stop being there. That this friendship makes me feel chained, that the one who was my partner is someone with whom I do not want to continue to share my life, that my professional life needs a major turning point, are some examples.
metaphorically, it would be during the winter that the decisions would eventually ripen. However, this earlier period is really fundamental. When the decisions are not preceded by this time of transition, one easily returns to the initial situation or significant conflicts are generated with our environment, because it was not possible to assume the new situation aroused.
The keys to a new beginning
What do we need for being open to a transition, to the possibility of being in life in a new way? Here are some basics for me:
1. Perceiving that we need a change in some aspect of our life
Another possibility is to listen and let ourselves be advised by those around us when they indicate that this is so.
When we begin to feel this need for change, it is often vague and indefinite.. It is usually something a bit vague, which is why doubts about the legitimacy of this need for change usually arise.
Sonia: These days, when my husband tells me about a problem he has, I no longer want to solve it. Before I always ran to tell him what I had to do and now I don’t feel like it anymore. I don’t even want to talk to him.
2. Some flexibility
When important aspects of our lives are called into question, we feel deeply uncomfortable. Under this pressure, when we have the necessary support, it is necessary that we adapt flexibly to unforeseen situations.
David: I don’t want to go out with my old friends anymore. I’m going out to lunch with people at work and there are two guys there – a girl and a boy – that I would like to spend more time with. The thing is, I don’t dare ask them if they want us to stay out of work.
3. Maintain uncertainty
Part of the fall process, the period before making decisions that fundamentally reorient our lives, practice and strengthen our ability to endure uncertainty. For that we need to know each other better and we know the people and other resources we rely on when those uncertainties, irretrievably, arise.
Manuel: It scares me to think what my children will be like when they stay with their mother if we divorce. I know she doesn’t have much patience with them. Fortunately, his mother, his grandmother, lives nearby and will be able to lend him a hand.
However, what really makes us dare to question our lives (before all of the above) is that we have people who, in various ways, tell us that they support us.
The examples given are real situations that appear in consultation. Numbers and situations themselves have been changed so that they do not refer to a real person.
I wish you a good autumn.